


Tale of the Stranger (or how I met Selena Hawke)

by tatteredspider



Series: How I met Selena Hawke [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: AU but not..., Changing the past, Eventual Romance, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Sexual Tension, eventual weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-03
Updated: 2014-08-11
Packaged: 2018-02-11 11:54:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 62,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2067195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tatteredspider/pseuds/tatteredspider
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>God (or the Maker or the Creators or David Bloody Gaider) grabs a woman from modern day Earth and plops her down, half drowned, on the Wounded Coast to be found by Hawke and the gang. Can she use her knowledge of future events to keep all of Thedas from blowing apart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So the wonderful Heromaggie suggested that I post the twenty and change chapters I have for this story here as well as on my Tumblr account. So here it goes!
> 
>  
> 
> Bioware owns everything, they just let me steal horribly from them.

    _Pain! Searing, agonizing pain. Water filling my lungs, pushing me, pulling me. I can't- I can't breathe! I can't move! I can't STOP moving- the water won't stop. I can't find up or down or-_

_Blackness. Blessed peace..._

                                                            ************************************************************************

    _More pain! Cold air against skin. Someone flipping me onto my back, bright sunlight blinding me. I scream...I think...I don't know. Whispered words, soft, caressing, warmth spreading and soothing frayed nerves._

_I blink past the light into honeyed eyes and a caring smile. I try to smile back...and fall into blackness once more..._

                                                             ************************************************************************

     Waking this time was better, still a shitload of pain, but not the agony of drowning. The lighting was soft, like flickering candles, much easier on the eyes. Voices, soft and whispering, were arguing somewhere in the room. I needed to turn my head to see them, but it hurt just a little too much. It can wait.

     I'm in a bed, but it doesn't feel like my mattress. It's too lumpy, as though filled with straw ticking as opposed to my Seally Ultracoil. The pillow beneath my head is goose down, cradling my skull, soft and pliant. A hand knit wool blanket wraps around my waist and legs, which I now realize are bare, and I pray that no one noticed the scars or lumps of badly set bone.

     A face moves into my field of vision and that's when I realize that I must still be out of it, still dreaming. I've seen this face a thousand times, flashing across my television screen, stealing my heart, then breaking it to a million pieces. And yet, here he is, smiling beatifically at me with those sparkling honey coloured eyes.

     "How are you doing?" he asks, and- oh yes!- the voice so matches those eyes and that smile and I want to reach out to kiss him, or cry, or...something. He places a hand to my forehead and I feel his soothing magic wash over me- a delving, searching for any new or continuing medical issues.

      _How do I know this? This sort of thing was never covered in the game!_ But I just do apparently. After a few moments, he helps me to sit up a bit against the pillows, then brings a crude wooden cup up to my lips. Blessedly cool water to quench a throat I didn't even realized was parched.

    _This isn't possible!_ "My name is Anders," _I know!_ "what's yours?"

     I try to answer, I really do, but all I can get out is a groan of pain, and Anders frowns slightly. He sets the cup down on a nearby table, and reaches out with his magic once again. He finds the spot where the worst of the pain is radiating, a knot of twisted muscle in the small of my back and soothes it away. Another groan, though this one in relief, and Anders chuckles.

     "If you are quite finished, Mage, perhaps we can interrogate her now?" another voice asks and I am forced to suppress the shiver that wants to invade my spine. Gravel, covered in chocolate. Oh, how I know that voice. I look beyond Anders shoulder to see the elf leaning deceptively casual against a nearby fireplace, cold and unlit. Olive skinned, white hair with dark brows, long pointed ears peeking from beneath the strands. Green eyes you could drown in so easily. White markings, twisting and turning, peeking out from beneath skin tight black armor.

     "Leave it, Fenris," Anders growled. "She's obviously in no condition to be answering your questions right now."

    _Oh, I've got questions of my own right now, there, buddy! What the FUCK am I doing here? If these are a couple of cosplayers They are the best I've ever seen! Except, of course, that Fenris and Anders would rather try dancing with a bronto that work together without the unifying force of-_

     "Guys? Are you up here?" a voice called, a deep rumble tinged with a touch of laughter. "Here, Hawke," Fenris answered and I glanced towards the nearby door. Moments later it was filled with a large specimen of man. Broad shoulders tapering to a slim waist and fit legs. Thick black hair and trim beard framing beautiful blue eyes. I remembered him so well. This was my favourite incarnation of Hawke, the witty charming warrior, quick with a smile and lascivious overture.

    "How is she doing, Anders?" he asked, coming closer to the bed. He looked down at me and smiled, a quick quirk of the lips that spread slowly to encompass his face before finally entering his eyes. God help you if the smile didn't reach his eyes.

     "Just woke up, Hawke," Anders told him. "We were about to chat just a bit, you're just in time." Hawke and Anders smile down at me, and I have to admit, it pulled at something low and deep in my body. They were so damned beautiful! Fenris continued to scowl and that was even better- worse- whatever. These were my boys when I played the game, my near-constant companions and here they were, so very real and touchable.

     Maybe I died and this is Heaven or Hell or Detroit or something...

     I tried to speak, but at first all that came out was a strangled gasp. Anders brought the wooden cup back to my lips and I sipped a bit more water then tried again.

     "My...my name is Selena." It came out as a whisper.

     "Selena? My name is-"

     "Anders- yes, I know."

     Fenris roared and dove towards me, lighting up in that terrifyingly beautiful way. Hawke spun and grabbed him about the waist, keeping him from removing one or more of my really important body parts. Well, guess he didn't really like my knowing Anders' name.

     "Have we met?" the mage asked me, peering into my face more closely. "I see a lot of patients in my clinic, but I'd like to think I'd remember someone as pretty as you."

     I smiled slightly, knowing he was being kind. I know I'm not pretty. I'm a forty year old mother with teenage children. I'm packing a fair bit of extra pounds, going gray, sagging in all the wrong places. "No, but you guys are the most amazing cosplayers I've ever seen. I mean, a straw mattress even? I'm impressed."

     The boys glanced in confusion at each other- and anger in Fenris' case- then turned back to me.

     "Cosplayers?"Hawke asked, stammering over a seemingly unfamiliar word.

     "Yeah, you know, someone who dresses up as their favourite character from a game or book or movie. You guys are doing Anders, Fenris and Hawke from Dragon Age. And really well, by the way." I look from one face to another and they seem even more confused than before. And either these guys are Oscar-worthy actors...or I'm just really, really...

     "Fuck"


	2. Chapter 2

     The boys had gone out into the hall to talk, leaving me to stew on my own, so I started to snoop. It was a fairly large room, familiar but almost empty. The bed was old but the linens were fairly new, like the bed was just a stop-gap while a new one was on it's way. An empty hearth had obviously been recently cleaned and a hand-knot rug was rolled in a corner, waiting to be unfurled.

    I'm in Hawke's mansion, and he hasn't owned it long.

_Okay, I can deal with this...Apparently I'm hallucinating, or dreaming or...dead. Think, stupid, think. What were you doing before...all this? What happened?_

     I sat cross-legged on the bed, blanket wrapped around my lap, fingers pressed to my temples. I couldn't think, every time I tried to remember past breakfast, all I saw was a bright green light and my mind slipped to waking up into Anders' eyes. _Dammit!_

     I threw myself back against the mattress in a fit of pique, sighing melodramatically. Well, melodramatically for me anyway. _This is ridiculous! So, I'm in Kirkwall, which is a complete impossibility, and yet here I am. And I wish I knew where my pants are._

     The boys' voices were starting to carry through the door as they rose in volume- and were joined by a few more.

     "-you find a strange woman in strange clothing washed up on the beach and you bring her into your home without finding out anything about her?" a no-nonsense female queried.Aveline. "Have you lost what little sense you were born with?"

     "Av, it's fine. She's harmless. She would have died if we hadn't found her when we did. And where else am I supposed to take her? Gamlen's? Yeah, that would go over well, wouldn't it?" _Deffinitely Hawke...and annoyed. Hmmmm._

     "Ooooh," a little voice chirped in the cutest Welsh accent. _That would be Merrill._ "What's she like? Is she nice?"

     "I haven't really had the chance to talk with her much, but she's...a little strange."

     "Strange?" Aveline asked. "Like how?"

     "Oh, leave it Man-Hands." _Ah, Isabella. Loves to get under Aveline's skin._ "Not everyone is some wanted criminal that you can throw in the brig." _Ah, thanks Izzy_!

     "Rivaini, don't tempted her," a deep voice chuckled. Varric. I've always loved that voice. "You're the biggest wanted criminal in Kirkwall. Aside from Hawke."

     "All, right, everyone. I have a patient in that room and I'm going to check on her. Aveline, if you want to talk to her, follow me. The rest of you, just stay out of my way, all right?"

     Anders poked his head into the room with a bright smile. "Are you decent? Can we come in?"

     I chuckled softly. "You can come in, but Mom says I've never been decent." Anders froze for a moment, then burst into laughter, joined by Hawke, Isabela and Varric. Fenris and Aveline merely scowled while Merril just looked confused. "Was that dirty?" she whispered."I always miss out on the dirty things."

     "Not really dirty, Merrill. I'll let you know when I say something dirty." I replied.

     It didn't dawn on me that I had done it again, until I had Fenris' clawed gauntlet wrapped around my throat, his face the barest inch away from mine. _Shit!_ Hawke and Aveline were pulling at his arms, barely holding him back from ripping out my throat. The others were screaming for him to stop, weapons pulled, magic pulsing.

     I couldn't breathe, black spots were dancing in front of my eyes. I was slapping at his hands, ineffectually trying to pry at his fingers. It was like trying to push a car with just your pinky- it wasn't happening. _Christ on a crutch! When am I going to learn to keep my mouth shut?_

     Suddenly, he released, and the air that I drew into my lungs hurt almost as much as his hands. Anders was right there, healing magic swirling about my neck, soothing away the pain. It was cool and tingled, like peppermint on the tongue.

     "Fenris, stop trying to kill the girl!" Hawke yelled, glaring at the elf. Fenris merely growled in response, body taut in anger.

     "It's okay, Garrett," I coughed, leaning into Anders arms, trying to catch my breath. "I've got to start watching my mouth. I really do."

     "Oh, Kitten, can I watch it? It's just so luscious?" Isabela winked.

     "Very funny, Izzy. Nothing about me is luscious except the fatrolls." The silence was deafening. I looked around the room, noting that the group were exchanging very confused looks. "What? Did I grow a third arm or something? Why are you staring at me like that?"

     Isabela settled herself on the edge of the bed. "Unless your tits count as fatrolls, Kitten, you are seriously deluded."

     I looked at her, studying her face. She wasn't lying. It was then that I realized that my body didn't feel quite right. I looked down and realized that I no longer had a stomach- I mean, no extra pounds...anywhere! My arms and legs seemed longer, leaner, with sinewy muscle I've deffinitely never seen. And- Hey!- my tits haven't been this perky in years! "I...I need a mirror...please."

     "I think Mother has a looking glass around in her room somewhere," Garrett said before rushing off, returning moments later with a beautifully gilded handmirror. Suddenly I didn't want to look. What was I going to see? Did I want to know? Could I go without knowing? Of course, that deciscion was taken away from me, just like pretty much everything else since I'd woken up, when Hawke held the mirror up to my face.

     I screamed. Not a gasp or a girly squeal. I screamed in absolute terror. I don't remember doing it, but apparently I scuttled back against the headboard, curled up in a fetal ball. I couldn't stop shaking. I think I blacked out a little because the next thing I knew, Anders was on one side of me, Merrill on the other, holding me, keeping me from flying apart.

     "Lethalin, what's wrong?" she asked softly, lightly rubbing up and down my arm. Anders just held me tight, looking at me in concern. They all were, even Fenris. In fact, he looked like he wanted to reach out and hold me himself.

     "This...isn't my face," I managed to whisper.

     "What do you mean, Kitten?"Isabela asked softly.

     "I'm a forty year old mother of five! With mousy brown hair and sagging tits. This isn't me!" I shuddered, wrapping my arms around myself. Anders pulled me in tighter to his side in comfort.

     The face that looked back at me from Hawke's mirror was...well, it was beautiful. Heart shaped with porcelain skin, large violet eyes with long dark lashes. Long dark hair so black it's almost blue. It's the kind of face I wished I could have had. The face I would create for my female Hawke characters when I played.

     I shook and cried for some time, apparently, while Anders rocked and soothed me. I passed out after a while because when I came to myself I was lying in the bed, wrapped up tightly in the soft knit blanket. A small fire had been laid in the hearth and I was alone...no, wait, there was a slumped shape in a highbacked chair next to the bed, draped in shadow.

     When I shifted to sit up, the figure moved forward, white hair glinting in the moonlight from the window. Fenris. His eyes flashed, as did his markings. He was obviously aggitated, but I really didn't want to have to deal with this right now. I didn't want to have to deal with anything to tell the truth.

     "Who are you?" Fenris growled. Oh, how that voice just did something to me. "Who are you working for?"

     I sighed. This was going to be like talking to my ex. Always suspicious, always assuming that I was lying. Damned insecure. "My name is Selena. I'm not working for anybody."

     "I don't believe you."

     "Yeah, I got that. What do you want from me, Fenris?"

     "I want the truth. Tel me how you know who we are. Tell me why you were all but drowned on that beach on the Wounded Coast.Tell me why you reacted to the mirror the way you did."

    I sat myself up straight and leaned against the headboard. Fenris didn't really want to hear the truth, he wanted to hear that I was here from Danarius. If I was from Danarius then he could kill me and the uncertainty would be over. But, of course, I wasn't from Danarius.

     "I don't know how I got here," I sighed, rubbing at my temple. I had a wicked headache starting up. "I- I'm not from this world. I know who you are because you're all in a game, a video game. I've been playing it for years. I know so many things about all of you, you're more real to me than a lot of the people I know and love."

     "Don't lie to me, woman! You sound...I was going to say Fereldan but that's not right. Are you Fereldan?" Fenris looked as though it was taking all of his self-control not to finish the job he had done on my throat earlier.

     "Ask me a question, Fenris. Something only you know, and I'll try and answer it." The headache was getting worse, like a vise tightening around my skull. The world was taking on a slight green tinge.

     Fenris sat back in his chair, clutching tightly at the armrests. He paused, obviously thinking before posing his question. "What is my name?"

     "Clever, Fenris. If I tell you your real name, you'll say I'm lying and if I don't you'll say that I don't know and am lying. Try again." I chuckled softly, rubbing at my temples.

    "But you do know it?"

    "Yes, but it's not something you should know right now."

    "Then how did I escape Tevinter?"

     My lips quirked up in a slight smile. "First or second time?"

     Fenris gasped and flew from the chair, toppling it as he backed away to the hearth. Guess he believed me now, huh? "How could you possibly-?"

     "I told you, Fenris. And don't worry, I won't tell anyone else. Your secret is safe until you decide to reveal it. Just as everyone else's are safe as well, so don't go asking about them either."

     He fled the room, slamming the door against the wall in his haste, sending Hawke scurrying in moments later. "You okay? He didn't hurt you or anything did he?"

     "No Garrett," I sighed. "I just told him something he didn't really want to hear and it scared him. And-no- I'm not telling you what it is."

    Hawke chuckled softly to himself, leaning against the doorframe. "Is there anything you need then, Selena?"

    "No, Hawke. No, but thanks." I said, sliding back under the blanket. "Go to be with your friends."

    "Rest well, or Anders will kick my ass." I snickered as I drifted back into sleep.

                           *********************************************************************

_Green light, so bright, blinding, pulsing. Water, salty and heavy. Pain, fire, screaming, sharp, unending. Can't move, can't scream, can't can't can't can't-_

     I didn't realize I'd woken until I felt arms wrapped tight around me. I fought, hard, fists and elbows hitting flesh. It took me a few moments to finally come back to myself to find Hawke's arms holding me, blood dripping from a freshly broken nose.

     "Oh my God, Hawke! Are you all right?" I cried, twisting to see the damage I had caused. He pushed away my flailing hands, looking back at me with concern of his own. "Selena, I'm fine, I'm good. What about you?" he asked. "You were screaming and thrashing. Having one doozy of a nightmare."

    _Green light, bright, flashing-_

     "Selena!"

     I could feel his hands on my arms, holding me tight, but I couldn't move. I could feel the light, pulsing in my veins, see it shining all around me. I could hear myself screaming from the pain, but it was disconnected, like it was happening to someone else.

     There were others yelling from different parts of the house. Hawke's friends were here and coming. Anders! Anders was coming!

     I must have passed out again, because the next thing I knew, they were all there. Anders was sitting on the edge of the bed, cool healing magic spreading from the hands pressed to my temples. Hawke stood to one side of the bed, holding tightly to my hand. Strangely enough, Fenris was doing the same on the other side. The others were arrayed about the room in varrying degrees of concern.

     "Hey," Anders whispered softly, noting my opened eyes, pulling back his hands and magic. "How are you doing?"

     "What-" my voice rasped. I guess I'd been screaming alot. "What happened?"

      "We were hoping you could tell us," Anders replied as Hawke and Fenris helped me to sit up. "You were screaming and glowing green. Which, to put it mildly, is a little odd."

     I closed my eyes, breathing deeply, trying to stay calm. What happened? I thought about it, but the harder I tried to reach for it, the more my head hurt and the light behind my eyes tinged green.

     "Hey!" I heard Hawke cry. When I opened my eyes, everyone was staring at me in alarm. "You were starting to glow again. Are you okay?"

     I looked around the room, gauging the reactions of Hawke's friends. Most looked at me as though I were a threat- Aveline had actually pulled her sword and shield as though I were about to attack. Hawke, Anders, Merrill and -strangely- Fenris, were looking more concerned _for_ me than about me. And it felt comforting.

     "It seems that when I try to remember what happened to me, how I got here, the green...thingy...happens. So, if it's okay with you guys, I'm just going to not think about that for a while," I said softly, looking into the eyes of each of Hawke's companions in turn. Slowly, they all backed down, for which I smiled.

     Hawke patted my hand, placing it down gently before moving over to a nearby armoire. "Okay, then. Isabela found you some clothes," he started pulling things out and tossing them to the end of the bed, "but we couldn't find a replacement for your...breastband...thingy, so you'll have to go without for a bit. Yours was a total mess, as were your trousers. We'll leave you to dress unless you think you need a hand, and meet you downstairs in the study for breakfast."

     I nodded, but asked Merrill to stay, just in case. The others filed out, Garrett and Anders with parting smiles, Fenris with a scowl. I didn't know if it was directed at me personally or if it was just because the blood mage was being allowed to stay. Either way, it sent a thrill up my spine that I certainly wasn't expecting.

     I shifted to a sitting position at the side of the bed and realized that I REALLY needed to pee. "Uh, Merrill? You don't suppose there's a place around here that I can...uh...urinate, is there?"

     "Oh!" she exclaimed. "Of course, How silly! I should have realized-" she rushed from the room to a door across the hall, peered in, then returned to wrap her arm around my waist. It wa a good thing too, otherwise I weould have fallen over on my wobbly legs. We shuffled to the other room, a beautifully large, marble lined bathroom. The tub was linked directly to a water pump system and I could see someone's- probably the dwarf Sandal's- runic handywork adorning the pipes. Merrill brought me to a nother large closet, inside of which was basically a seat with a hole in it.

     "Just don't fall in," she tittered. "It goes all the way into the sewers, and gets sluiced out by the water drained from the tub. Aren't the dwarves just brilliant? They thought all this up ages ago when the Tevinters owned Kirkwall. All the big muckity-mucks used to have a set like this. Although they used to heat they're own water and Hawke had to have runes put in-"

     "Thanks, Merril," I interupted, otherwise I'd never get to pee. "I can take it from here."

    "Oh! Of course! I'm babbling again aren't I? I'll try to stop, really I will. It's just that you're so new and-"

     "Merrill..."

     "Right. Shutting up now."

                     **************************************************************************

     By the time I was able to wash quickly, brush out my hair- black, Oh My God, I've never had black hair in my life- and gotten dressed- buttery soft black leather breeches and a simple lavender cotton tunic top with short sleeves and a slit just past my hips for easy movement- I was ready to walk around on my own again. There were no socks or shoes in the armoire, so barefoot I went, down the stairs, following Merrill into what I presumed was the study.

     It was very much what I had come to expect from the game, though the book shelves were still mostly empty and there were no chairs by the fireplace. Instead, it looked as though some kitchen chairs had been dragged in, as well as a couple of stools, and the bench from the front entryway. Everyone was seated, except for Fenris who seemed to prefer pacing, and space had been left for Merrill and I. She skipped over to Isabella and draped herself across the buxom pirate's hip while I was situated myself between Hawke and Anders on the bench. Both men smiled at me, making me want to reach out and hug them.

     "All right," Aveline began, no nonsense as always."Fenris has told us some of what you two discussed last night. But I want to hear it from you. You say that you are from another world and that you know what's going to happen."

     I froze, kind of blinking rapidly at that _. Wow! That was...succinct._ I glanced briefly at Fenris, who seemed a bit embarassed to have been caught telling tales, then back at Aveline.

     "I guess that's about right."

     "Explain."

    _Jeez, what a grouch!_ "Okay, here it goes. Where I'm from, we have something called video games, in which we play a character and interact with other characters to bring about certain events. You guys are from a game called Dragon Age- and I'm pretty sure this is all just some crazy dream I'm having and I'll wake up any minute now. I've played this game so many times that...well, I know parts of you better than you do."

     Everyone was looking at me with varrying degrees of crazy. Should have expected that one, I guess. "I know how it sounds, okay, but you're just going to have to trust me. I told Fenris something last night that makes me think that he won't be able to just brush this off-" the group turned to him and he nodded silently, unhappy with the attention "- so why don't the rest of you think up a question and I'll try and answer it for you."

     "Oooh! Ive got one!" Isabela squealed. "What's my favourite sexual position?"

     "You on top, watching your partner watching you. Try a hard one." I laughed. Isabela was shocked for a moment, because apparently I'd gotten it right, then tried again. "How did I get my first ship _The Siren's Call_?"

     Damed good thing I played Origins, too. "You were sold to your husband at the age of sixteen, a ship captain. He was assassinated by the Antivan Crow, Zevran Arainai, and you inherited it." That got her- and everyone's- attention. I'd never seen anyone so dark skinned go so pale in my life. Luckily she had Merrill there to keep her sitting upright, otherwise I think she might have fainted.

     "All right," Aveline started cuatiously. "Tell me something about me that no one else in this room knows about."

     I twitched my finger, beckoning her closer. She moved to me and I leaned as close to her ear as I could, so that the boys to either side of me couldn't hear. "Donnic," I whispered.

     She pulled back in a jerk, eyes wide in surprise. Oh, that got her all right! She carefully made her way back to her stool, sitting slowly with her eyes trained on mine. She didn't know what to make of me, that's for sure.

     I sighed and leaned against Anders' arm for a moment. I didn't want these people to be afraid of me or hate me. I loved these people, had been living their lives with them when my own got too complicated. Anders looked down at me in concern and I quirked my lips in a smile. _Well, at least one person isn't afraid of me._ Hawke squeezed my fingers lightly and I looked over at him. He was grinning encouragingly. _Make that two._

     "Okay!" Hawke said suddenly, pulling away to clap his hands together before standing up. "I think we can all agree that Selena, here, knows some things that the rest of us are not privy to. We'll chock it up to magic and move on. Now, I suggest that she move in here with Mother and I until she decides that she wants to live on her own," he peered down at me,"Is that all right?"

    _He's aksing my opinion? In the game he ususally just kind of drags people along behind him._ He continued in a rushed manner that sort of suggested that he was nervous. _Why is he nervous?_ "I mean, Izzy and Varric live at the Hanged Man and that's no place to wake up in the morning-"

     "I resent that, Hawke!" Varric laughed, looking up from the book he was writing all this down in.

     "- Merrill's in the Alienage and even if she had the extra room, the elves probably wouldn't take too kindly to a human living there. Aveline is in the Barracks and there's absolutely no privacy there. Fenris has the space, but his place is so dilapitated that it might just fall around your ears while you sleep-"

     Fenris grunted, either in annoyance or agreement, I couldn't tell.

    "- and I'm trying to get Anders to move into the mansion too, because it's just way too cold and dangerous to live in Darktown."

     I laughed, which was apparently the international symbol for she's okay because the others joined in as well. Even Fenris quirked up his lips. Hawke blushed slightly and scratched at his beard sheepishly. It was cute to see the mighty warrior like this, to tell the truth. "Yes, fine, I'll stay here. For now. But what about you? I mean, it's obvious you don't have this place fully furnished yet. If that's the only bed upstairs, where will I sleep?"

     "I'm staying with Mother at Uncle Gamlen's right now, until the rest of the furniture is delivered, so you can sleep in the bed. I can send Spirit here to keep you company, if you like." I had to think for a moment. then remembered.

     "A rare white Mabari, right? Always wanted to meet a real Mabari. Kind of like one of our pit bulls and mastiffs rolled into a smart car." And there were those funny looks again. It was really starting to bother me. Guess I was going to have to grow a thicker skin...

     Suddenly my stomach rumbled, loud and ominous, breaking the tension and causing everyone to laugh. "I'm thinking it's time to feed the girl, there, Hawke," Varric chuckled, stowing his journal in his belt and standing to brush off his coat. "Your kitchen up and running yet?"

     "Um..." Garrett pulled at his chin hairs sheepishly, "sort of. The ovens are ready to go, but I think there's only about half a loaf of bread in the pantry...maybe..."

     "Well, then," Varric declared, reaching his hand out to me, "I think it's about time our new friend here gets out of the house and over to the Hanged Man."

     I think I just stared at him, surprised at how easily he was taking all of...this. But he was smiling, laughing with his eyes and I knew that he had accepted me. I didn't realize that I had started tearing up until the dwarf reached out and patted my shoulder, just as Anders and Hawke lightly squeezed me on either side. I laughed self-consciously and quickly wiped at my eyes. "Yes! Yes, food would be good right about now! And shoes. I think I'm going to need some shoes."


	3. Chapter 3

_Wow! The Hanged Man's a lot...noisier than I was expecting._

     That was putting it mildly. The main room was filled almost to capacity with boisterous men, most likely there after a night shift at the mines since it was only mid-morning. I saw Corff and Norah working at full speed to keep up with the influx of patrons. If I was going to be staying in Kirkwall- in Thedas really- maybe I should talk to Corff about a job. I had waited tables in college and could probably do it again.

     We made our way up the stairs to Varric's rooms, ordering bowls of stew and bread on the way, then sat at a long stone table that took up a majority of Varric's sitting room. I was placed along one long side, between Hawke and Anders with Fenris directly across from the mage. Izzy and Merrill sat next to the elf while Varric and Aveline took the seats at either end. _No wonder they say that they feel like the parents of the group. They have taken the positions of the head of the family._

     As bowl after bowl of stew was placed before me, I was peppered with questions. About where I came from, about the things I knew. I answered what I felt was safe, but very little else. I didn't know what would irrevocable damamge this group's future and that was the last thing I wanted to do.

     By bowl three- something that tasted a little like beef stew but not really- my eyes had begun to droop slightly. By bowl four I was yawning. By bowl five- yes that's five bowls of Corff's mystery stew- I was leaning on Hawke's arm to stay upright. I didn't remember someone carrying me to Varric's bed, but apparently I had needed a few more hours rest.

     I woke to an empty room. I could hear a couple of male voices speaking softly in another room nearby as well as patrons downstairs, but a quick glance around Varric's sleeping chamber revealed no one nearby. The perfect time for me to sneak out and go exploring!

     I slipped out of the bed, nice and low to the floor for shorter dwarven legs, and quietly made my way to the exit and out into the- relatively- fresh air of Lowtown. I didn't even bother putting on the shoes that Merrill had found for me earlier. I was finding that I liked the way that the elves went barefoot everywhere, reading the cobbles beneath their feet as they moved. I had the urge to run, just let my legs take me wherever they wished. The Lowtown market was alive with vendors and conmen and shoppers all calling out to each other in a beautiful wall of noise that I simply loved! This is the kind of thing that was missing from the game- the real life of Kirkwall! Oh, I knew why they couldn't have possibly programmed this kind of thing in, but I still missed it all the same.

     And the market was so much bigger as well! I found stall upon stall of food vendors and armorers and trinket shops. I perused a weapons merchant that had the most beautiful daggers imaginable. And bows! My fingers twitched to pull back on the string and sight down an arrow and I knew that that was probably going to be my favoured weapon. Goody! Maybe I could give Brother Vael a run for his money. Of course, if I was in the story line where I thought I was, Sebastian wasn't travelling with us yet. I wonder how well Hawke even knew the young prince.

     Suddenly I felt a soft tug at my belt and a greasy wrist was clamped in my fist before I realized what I was doing. I looked down to find a young boy, preteens maybe, trying to filch my non-existant coin purse. He was dirty and obviously under nourished, sweating and scared at being caught. He was terrified and gasping, pulling slightly in my grasp.

     "Well," I began, cocking a hip nonchalantly, "what do we have here?"

     "Please!" the boy cried. "Please, Serrah, let me go! I promise not to do it again! Just let me go!"

     "And just what will you do if I let you go, huh? Run back to your handler with nothing? Feed the other kids with air? No, I don't think so. Let's get you something to show for your trouble."

     I dropped the kid's wrist and sauntered off to a nearby fruit stall, keeping the boy in the corner of my eye all the while. He stood dumbly, rubbing at where I had been clutching him, watching as I moved. I approached the vendor, a portly man that had obviously been partaking of too much of his product, and engaged him in a sprightly exchange about the horrors of today's economy. It was a ruse that worked in any world, really, while the vendor is preoccupied with the words coming out of your mouth, they aren't paying attention to what your hands are up to, as long as you keep your movements minimal and subtle. A few minutes later, I had a half dozen apples in a small burlap sack and the man's coin purse, filled with silver. I returned to the boy, passed him all but one apple and ten silver coins from the purse.

     "Now, you will take these to your patron- don't tell me you don't have one, I'm not stupid- and you will do your best to get yourself out from under his thumb. If you need work, come to the Amell Estate in Hightown and ask for Hawke or Selena, or ask for Varric at the Hanged Man. Now, off with you, and if you try and nick from me again, I'll put you over my knee."

     I smile as the boy scrambled away. I didn't even get his name but it was all right. I was certain he'd come to me again, for real work this time. I stopped quickly at a metal worker's stall and purchased a small knife with my ill-gotten gains. I was going to need something small and sharp for my wanderings through Hightown. Some uppity nobles were about to be many coins lighter.

               ***************************************************************************

     Nightfall found me in Hawke's garden, overgrown with vines and weeds that were going to need a lot of work. I had a new blanket spread out over the ground, an array of foods spread out before me. I had purchased- with a pittance of the many sovereigns I had pilfered throughout the day- a wide variety of fruits, breads, meats and pastries, some familiar, some so foreign I was a little afraid to put them in my mouth. I also had three bottles of wine, two reds including Fenris' favourite Aggregio Pervali, and a white, as well as a bottle of aged Antivan Brandy. I was sprawled out, back propped up on a thick oak, perusing a copy of Isabela's friend-fiction as I nibbled and sipped. Favourites so far were a small meat pie that was apparently made with nug- kind of like gamey pork really. Who knew?- and a small sweet berry that dribbled juice down my chin until I learned to bite down only when it was near the back of my throat.

    When Garrett, Anders and Fenris walked in, I was well sated on food and more than a little horny from Izzy's very descriptive stories. Seeing the three of them approaching sent a deep electric jolt right the the center of me and I prayed they couldn't smell the arrousal that was suddenly filling the air.

     "What in the Void happened to you?" Fenris growled, striding furiously up to my side and glaring down at me. The other boys just looked relieved, but Fenris was angry enough to spit nails.

     "I wandered. I needed to explore and I didn't think you guys would let me go where I really wanted to, so I went on my own."

     "Kirkwall is dangerous," the elf cried, dropping to his knees and gripping my shoulders. He shook them slightly as he yelled, "You could have been killed or...worse!"

     I laughed softly, reaching up and pressing my hands to his upper arms. "I'm fine, Fenris. I'm learning that I can take care of myself just fine. Look! I brought food!"

     It was then that the elf looked around, realizing that he was kneeling amidst an array of food stuffs and wine. Hawke and Anders were seating themselves on the ground at the edge of the blanket, perusing the morsels before them. "How-?"

     "A little five finger discount." The boys looked a little confused so I explained. "I'm apparently a thief, and not a bad one. Managed to nick enough coin to fill the pantry, get my own blanket, and have about twenty sovereigns left over."

     "Twenty sovereigns! After you bought all this!" Hawke cried. "It took me weeks to get that much together and you did it in a day!" He slumped in a mock huff and Anders reached out to pat him on the shoulder.

     "It's all right, Hawke, we still love you." the mage reassured.

     "Ooooh," Hawke smirked. "Could you?"

     Fenris, in the meantime, had absconded with the bottle of Aggregio and held it aloft. "You bought this? It's almost ten sovereigns on it's own. How many purses did you snatch today?"

     "Oh, I don't know, I wasn't really counting. But the nobles of Hightown are feeling a might lighter tonight, I'll tell you that!"

    We spent several hours like that, late into the night, picking at the foodstuffs and pulling deeply from the wine. I found that I preferred the white with a bit of juice from one the sweet berries added to it, leaving the other bottles to the boys. I lay back with my head pillowed in Hawke's lap, watching the stars, foreign constellations in the sky making me just that little touch homesick. I wondered if my kids knew what had happened to me- but really, how could they? Was I dead? Did they have a body to mourn. Tears filled my eyes at the thought, though I didn't realize it until callused fingers brushed them away. Garrett was looking down at me in concern and I smiled up at him. "Sorry, just thinking deep thoughts."

     "Anything we can help with?" Anders asked, reaching out for one of my hands and stroking my knuckles with his thumb.

    "No, but thank you. It's just something I'm going to have to work through if this is going to be my life now." I shook my head, trying to dispell the weighty subject. "Let's not talk about it right now."

     I sat up and began tidying the bowls and baskets of food still spread around us. "It's time for sleep boys. I don't know about you, but I'm beat." The men helped me bring things into the kitchen, storing left overs in the pantry and coldroom, before Fenris and Anders bid us good night and sauntered off. Hawke remained, staring down at his feet in sudden nervousness.

     "I thought your dog was going to be staying here tonight instead of you,"I said, shifting into what I was beginning to think of as my cocky stance, hip out, fist perched on top.

      "I thought you might be more comfortable with me in the manor instead. Spirit tends to fart in his sleep. Loudly. A lot."

     I laughed and took his hand in mine. "That's very thoughtful of you Garrett. Let's head upstairs then."

     He followed me , but pulled back at the door into his chambers. "Shit, I forgot about the bed problem. I guess I can sleep in the chair."

     "Don't be silly. It's a big bed and I don't bite...unless you ask nicely...though I might snore. I'm not really sure if I still have a deviated septum in this body." I pinched the bridge of my nose, pretending to feel for it. Hawke laughed, falling for my trick to ease his nerves, and entered the room.

     "I'll have to think up a way to ask nicely then, won't I?" He pulled off his boots and shirt, climbing under the knit blanket that had been left there. _Oh...my..._ Garrett Hawke was a beautifully built specimen of man. Broad shoulders, heavily muscled that tapered into a narrow waist and rippled stomach. A thick patch of dark curls spread across his pectorals, thinning farther down until just bellow his bellybutton to thicken again as they dipped below his waistband. Normally I was not a fan of hairy chests but for this I could make an exception. My hands began to sweat slightly as I fumbled with the ties to my leggings. The tunic top was long enough that I could sleep in that comfortably, but leather pants were not meant for sleepwear. With my pants gone, I quickly covered myself with the blanket I had brought from the garden. And realized just how much delicious heat Garrett put out. _This is going to be a long night..._

          ****************************************************************************

     It was a nightmare, that I knew right away. I was with my best friend Allison, freshly returned from another lecture circuit across Europe. She was a well respected author and lecturer on religious anthropology and while it ate up a lot of her free time, it paid enormously well.

     We were trying out her latest acquisiton- a forty foot sailboat, beautifully kitted out with every possible amenity. She wanted to sail the coast of North America during her summer off and we were testing the boat's durability.

     The storm came, literally, from nowhere. Calm waves and bright sun suddenly engulfed in rolling clouds and an ominous green light. We had no time to prepare, to fasten ourselves down, before lightning was hitting our mast, setting fire to the boat. We listed and I was underwater, slamming into the hull again and again, green fire licking at my arms and legs. I screamed, taking in lungfulls of water, drowning as I burned.

     "Selena!"

     The pain was excrutiating, all consuming. I could think of nothing else but the burning green light.

     "Selena! Wake up!"

     The pain began to recede and I could feel hands, large powerful hands, wrapped carefully around my upper arms, lifting my body up off the bed towards a dark bearded face. I blinked rapidly, willing the green light to recede so that I could see, think. Hawke. That's Garrett Hawke. I reached up and cupped the side of his face. _You aren't drowning. You're safe._

     He wrapped his thick arms around me and held me close to his chest. "I've got you," he soothed, stroking my spine. "You're all right. I won't let anything happen to you, I promise."

      _Oh Christ! Did Alison die? Did I? What happened to us?Why can't I remember?_ I clutched to Hawke's chest, breathing deeply to try and calm my nerves. At least Hawke's scent was soothing, a mix of leather and sweat and sword oil. My heart was beating like a runaway steel drum musician and I couldn't seem to catch my breath. I knew I was close to hyperventilating, but I just couldn't seem to stop.

     Hawke held me like this for what seemed like hours, though it was probably only a few minutes, before I calmed enough that I was certain I wouldn't pass out. I patted my trapped hands against his chest in a bid for him to release me. He groaned, just slightly, but did as he was bid, looking down at me in concern.

     "I...I think I'm okay now, big guy. I'm sorry I woke you." I mumbled, rubbing my hands down my tear streaked face. _Dammit! I'm probably a mess, and there's a gorgeous hunk of man in my bed. Typical._

      "You want to talk about it?" he asked, reaching out to rub lightly at my back. _Holy Christ, I'm getting horny from a back rub? What the fuck is wrong with me?!_

     "No, thanks Garrett. It's one of those things that might make for glowing and shit, you know? I think I'll just go back to sleep." Hawke looked like he wanted to argue, but then slid back down under his blanket and pulled me down to be cradled against his chest. "Fine. But I'm here, Okay?" he said softly. After a moment he added, "Or I could make mad, passionate love to you and have you forget all your worries."

     I slapped him on the chest and laughed. "Not tonight, dear, I've got a headache."

     "Ah! The bane of all men everywhere!" he cried in mock pain, laughing softly. "I shall endeavor to find another time when your pain is much less severe!"

     We lay like that for some time, Garrett's breath eventually deepening in slumber, while I rested lightly upon his chest, listening to his heart beat. Listening to him breathe, feeling his warmth and smelling that overwhelming scent of leather and oil, made me feel safer than anything I've ever felt before. I lay there until the dawn light began to filter through the clouds at which point I knew that I wasn't getting any more sleep this day.

     Time to kit myself out for adventuring.


	4. Chapter 4

     Turns out, Garrett Hawke is a pretty sound sleeper. I managed to wiggle out from under his body and dress, stubbing my toe at one point and swearing like a sailor, all while he continued to snore softly in his bed. I watched him for a moment, realizing that he was drooling slightly, which made me smile just a little. With his face softenend in sleep he looked like a fuzzy eight year old, mouth hanging open, one arm draped across his stomach, the other resting in the space I had recently vacated, as though searching for my lost warmth.

     I skipped down to the kitchen, grabbed a couple of leftover meat pies from the pantry and went out into the Hightown morning.

    _Shit! It's chilly today! First stop is a clothier so I can order some appropriate stuff!_

    I chewed on meatpies as I wandered, watching the market stalls open for business. I think the first might have been rabbit and wasn't bad. The second was some kind of fish and that one went straight into the hands of a mud covered little girl that was running past me. I found it disgusting, but the child gobbled it down cheerily before running off again. Soon enough I found what I was looking for- a small shop with ready made clothing in the display window, as well as a sign offering custom.

    Jean-Pierre was terribly Orlesian and tutted over me for what felt like hours. But I was able to get out of there with enough clothing and undergarments to see me for a couple of weeks, as well as an order for two dresses and he had my measurements for anything else I might need. I even had a new wool cloak, dyed a deep forest green, that was warmer and more comfortable than any down-filled ski jacket I'd ever owned.

     I dropped off my bundle at Hawke's -guiltily thankful that no one seemed to be there- then went off to wander the Merchant's Guild area. Dwarven statuary- as well as dwarves- filled every corner and I actually felt a little tall for once. I had noticed that this body was relatively small for a human, more on par with Merrill's height, and I had to wonder if one of my parents might have been elvehn. Not that it really mattered, of course, just a curiousity.

     I wandered the square, not realizing that I had apparently begun to pilfer a few coin purses until I felt the weight of my own had becoming much heavier, at which point I figured it would be best to take my leave lest someone notice.

     And there was more shopping to do!

     I hit the Lowtown stalls next. I was going to need some weaponry, good ones, and I knew just where to go. Korval's Blades in Hightown was good, but expensive, and I wanted my ill-gotten booty to last. The shop had no real name, just the Weaponsmithy, but his blades were as good, or better, than Korval's. The old dwarf who ran the stall watched me for a bit, but when I was drawn to a couple of exquisite silverite blades, he smiled.

    "You know blades, do ya?" he queried gruffly.

    "Still learning," I answered, eyes lingering on the sheen of the fine edge. "Always learning. But I know what I like."

     The dwarf barked a laugh, apparently happy with my answer. Then he bent down and pulled a long cherry wood box from beneath the table and set it before me with reverance. "Here. You'll like these even better."

     Inside, nestled in a bed of red velvet, were two of the most beautiful daggers I had ever seen. They were of elvehn make, sinewy and sleek, and crackled with energy. I reached out carefully, certain I was about to be zapped, but it was as if the power caressed my hand instead, happy to have found me.

     "They're called Speed and Agility. Some idiot traded me for them years back, said he found them on a dead guy, but I think maybe he stole 'em,'cause he knew their names, at least in Trade. Don't know the elvish words for 'em. Looks like they got lightning runes on them somewhere but I can't find 'em to take 'em off. Keeps electrocuting my apprentices, they do."

     "How much?" I asked in a hushed tone. These blades were beautiful. Even if I never learn to use them properly, they were worth the expense.

     "Ten sovereigns. They're worth more, but I can't get rid of them. They keep shocking people."

     I rifled through my coin purse and presented him with the gold, as well as two more for proper sheaths. Beaming at my acquisition, I wrapped my new bundle in the oil cloth the dwarf supplied and wandered off to shop some more.

     My last stop was Lirene's, a sort of thrift shop that used it's profits to help Fereldan refugees with food, lodging and emergency medicine. I knew that I wanted to spend coin here, even if it was just a donation and maybe hire a couple of street kids to run errands for me and the like.

     "Welcome, Serrah. How may I help you today?" Lirene was an older woman, early forties, but with little grey in her hair and a hard eye. I liked her immediately, or course. I knew that this was the woman that helped Anders with the clinic and fed him news on Templar activity and the like.

     "I'm hoping you can help me with a bow. Shortbow to start, preferable in a yew or elm, and as many arrows as I can get my hands on. And a quiver, of course, nothing fancy but in good enough shape that I won't need to replace it for a few months."

     Lirene stared at me, dumbfounded for a moment, then broke out in a grin. It was like I could hear thoughts about how much coin I was about to spend and how that money could be used flitting about in her mind. "Yes! Yes, I have just the thing!" she exclaimed, hunting about on the shelves behind her, pulling out three different bows for my inspection. "I have an elm, a yew, and a whitewood. I know you didn't mention whitewood, but I thought you might at least like to see the possibility. Let me just find some catgut string so you can test the pull"

     I eyed each bow in turn. The elm was out. I could make out a tiny hairline fracture near the hand grip that would split over time, and that would be disasterous in a fight. The yew was solid, but was really not much more than a practice bow. I'd get it, if only to use it on training dummies. The whitewood, though, was perfect. I didn't even need the catgut to see that it would string tightly, with a seventy to eighty pound pull that would put an arrow through most men at twenty paces or more.

     When Lirene returned, I went through the motions of stringing and pulling each bow, informing her of the crack in the elm, then telling her that I would be purchasing both of the other two. She nearly squealed in delight, which caused other patrons to look up with curiosity. Apparently, Lirene was not normally a squealer. We looked over the bundle of arrows that she brought me, weeding out a few that were off center or cracked, found a good plain leather quiver, then dickered over the price. I only haggled with her because she seemed to expect it, though I would have paid the five sovereigns she requested gladly. As it was, I slipped the extra money into her donations box before I left.

     It was past the noon bell when I stepped out into Lowtown's noise and sunshine and decided that it was high time that I went to visit Anders in his clinic. I went around, buying a pack and filling it with breads, fruit and cheese, since I knew that Anders would have nothing to eat and would not be thinking of it unless it was forced down his throat. I also donned my new blades at my hip and slipped quiver and bow at my back. I was going into Darktown. I'm not stupid.

              ***************************************************************************

     Darktown was just as it sounded- and more. Little light except what was supplied by lanterns and firepits, the near overwhelming stench of bodily waste and the reak of unwashed masses and dog. To say it was disgusting was putting it mildly. I was happy to finally reach the doors of the clinic.

     Inside was so much better, comparatively speaking. There were a few windows high up on the east wall, letting in an abundance of natural light. The room was clean, smelling of fresh linens and elfroot, with an underlying hint of blood. A fire burned cheerily in a hearth along the west wall, adding warmth to the space. It was a slow day, judging by the lack of patients. Anders himself was bent over a long table not far from the fire, using pestle and mortar to crush herbs for potions. He'd shucked his heavy coat and feathered pauldrons, working in nothing but breeches and worn linen tunic.

    _It is not fair that these men are just so damned beautiful!_ With the gold light of the fire reflecting off the line of Anders' spine, shining copper of his hair, the mage looked like nothing less than an angel come to earth. I admit that I stared, licking my lips at the thought of tasting that honeyed flesh. _Yum!_

     His head suddenly whipped up, noting my presence, and I caught the telltale flicker of blue that announced Justice's presence. When Anders realized who it was, Justice receeded and Anders smiled at me. _God, what a smile_! It lit up the room even brighter than the sun.

     "What are you doing here?" he asked, looking around the room. "Where's Hawke?"

    "I'm by myself. I brought food."

     He scowled as he approached. "What do you mean you're alone? Darktown isn't safe to walk around by yourself. There's Carta and Coterie and desperate people-"

     "I know, Anders. Don't worry," I placated. "I was very careful and nothing happened, okay?"

     Anders reached out to cup my face, face full of concern and I had to chuckle. Typical Anders, trying to take care of everyone but himself.

     "Okay, Anders. All is good and I brought you food, so go sit while I pull it all out." I gently pulled back his hands and brandished the food pack. He grumbled but did as he was told, moving to a nearby cot and slumping down into it. He looked so tired. Dark circles beneath his eyes, a hollowness to his cheeks that screamed starvation. _Well dammit, if he's not going to take care of himself, I'm just going to have to do it for him._

     I pulled out the bread loaf and slipped it directly into his hands. "Eat," I commanded, continuing to put food in front of him. His eyes flickered from the bread to me and back before he tore into the loaf with vigor. I chuckled softly but said nothing, sitting on the floor at his feet.

     Once he seemed to realize that the food was all for him, he set to like the starving man he was. It was gratifying to watch him finally take some care of himself, even if it was forced.

     "So," he began, spraying crumbs as he tried to talk with his mouth full, "what have you been up to today?"

    "Shopping mostly," I replied. "I figured, it looks like I'm going to be here a while so I picked up a few changes of clothes and a bit of weaponry, you know, in case somebody gets too handsy and I have to teach him a lesson."

     Anders snorted, mouth too full to respond.

     "I nicked a few purses, used the money at Lirene's shop, and after I get some leathers I'll be investing the majority of the rest, I just need to talk to Varric about it. But first, as soon as you're done eating, I'm taking you out of here. You need some sun and I need your opinion on furniture. I'm moving into Hawke's but I'm bound and determined to supply my own things, dammit!"

     Anders swallowed the last morsel of food before turning on his brightest smile, a laugh in his voice. "Did you actually breathe at any point during that little speech?"

     I flushed a little in embarasement. "Um...maybe...sometimes I lose control of my tongue and it keeps moving without my brain actually being engaged."

    The mage stood, then reached down and took hold of my hand, pulling me up from the ground. I lost my balance slightly, tumbling against his chest as I did. I gasped in surprise, feeling his arms wrap around my back. _He's stronger than he looks, my mage._ He was staring down at me, eyes dark with desire and I had to smile.

     Then they filled with blue.

     I was flying before I knew what was happening and the sickening crunch of my spine hitting the rough hewn wall of the clinic was nothing compared to the pain of said crunch. I landed badly, on my left side and I felt the wrist break. Stars danced before my eyes and I could barely move, until I saw the crackling blue light of Justice stalking towards me.

      _Shit!_ I scrambled to get to my feet, dodging a bolt of magic aimed at my head. It scorched the wall and I knew Anders was going to be pissed at the damage. I managed to pull Speed with a cross draw from my waist and held it lowered at my side. I wanted to be able to defend myself if necessary, but I didn't want Justice to take it as a threat. Not that seemed to matter.

     "Justice! What's wrong? What have I done?" I asked him softly, hissing from the pain in my wrist. _Fuck! It's swelling already! Probably busted._

    _"You are here to destroy us!"_ the spirit bellowed.

      _Oh. Fuck._


	5. Chapter 5

     If you think that a pissed off Justice looks intimidating on screen, just wait until there's one standing three feet in front of you. The room was aglow in crackling blue light and the hair was standing up on my arms. Speed held loosely in my hand, the other fist held tightly to my chest, I waited for the fade spirit to make his move.

    **"Why are you here?"** he asked in that reverberating voice.

     "If you mean the clinic, to make sure that Anders ate. If you mean this world, I haven't a fucking clue!" I yelled at him over the noise of his own power. "You're closer to the Maker than I am! You ask him!"

    **"You are a danger! To all that we do!"** Justice ranted, stepping closer, while I backed away. I'd be hitting to wall again if I didn't figure out what I was going to do soon. **"I will destroy you!"**

  _Shit!Fuck!Shit!Fuck!Shit!FUCK!_ Justice was bearing down on me as I scrambled to the side, towards the doors of the clinic. If I couldn't figure out how to reach Anders in there, then at least I could maybe get Justice out of this enclosed space. Maybe someone would even take pity on me and run for Hawke. _Yeah, right._

     "Anders, please, if you can hear me, get him to calm down! I'm not here to destroy you or ruin any plans. I don't know why I'm here and I'm scared and I don't want to hurt anybody! Please Anders!"

     Justice paused, held tilted and eyebrows drawn, as though listening to something he didn't really want to hear. I prayed that it was Anders, talking him down. I took the moment of reprieve to wriggle my bow and quiver from my back. With only one useable hand, they were pretty useless and I was going to need the extra mobility.

  **"No. You don't understand, Anders. She will destroy us. We can not let her,"** Justice said to his inner voice, turning back to me and spinning his staff menacingly. Suddenly he lunged, swinging the reinforced wood towards my temple. I managed to block at the last moment, Speed flasing up to scrape against the grain, vibrating painfully along my arm. It dawned on me that he could have just vaporized me with his power, but maybe Anders was holding him back.

     "Anders, I'm begging you! I don't want to hurt either of you!" His staff spun around to the other side and I ducked it barely in time. This was so not good! My arm whiped up to block the downward strike hurtling towards my head. "ANDERS!"

      **"NOooo** ooooo..." the light dimmed, vanished and Anders curled himself in a ball on the ground at my feet, clutching at his head and whimpering. I paused, telling myself that I was waiting for my eyes to adjust from the change in light, though really I think I was just waiting for Justice to say "fooled you!" and blast my face off. Finally, I crouched next to the now weeping man and dropped Speed to the ground so I could pull him into my chest.

     "Oh, Maker," he sobbed. "I'm so sorry, Selena! I don't know what happened. He won't stop screaming in my head. He thinks you're here to kill him! I've never seen him so scared!"

     "It's okay, Anders," I soothed, doing my best to cuddle him while not jostling my wrist. _Oh, yeah. It's busted. Third day here and I've managed to break a bone. Bully for me!_ "I'm not here to do anything of the sort. I promise." _How do you know, idiot! Maybe you're here to kill EVERYBODY! You don't know!_ We sat there for some time, reminiscent of my night with Hawke, holding each other and rocking, one whispering comforting words while the other collected their respective shit. Of course, by the time Anders was ready to pull back, the adrenaline from the fight had worn off and I was in a shit load of pain. My wrist had now swollen to the size of a grapefruit and I could feel numerous bloody scrapes on my back and legs. _Dammit! I liked this shirt!_ The mage noticed my wince as we stood apparently, because he began to gently pull my hand away from my chest to get a better look at the damage.

     "Shit! he cried at the sight of the mangled joint. "I'm sorry! Let me fix this!"

     I nodded and he led me to a cot. Now that shock was wearing off, I was having trouble keeping my feet. This was so much like the day I was hit by the car that I had to laugh. Anders inquisitive look made me try to explain. "I just realized that Justice being mad at you is like being in front a speeding Nissan." That didn't really help the man at all, but I couldn't think of a way to clarify so I let it go.

     "Okay, I need to set the bone and it's going to hurt like a bitch. But I'll heal it right after and then it won't hurt at all, okay?" he asked, looking me straight in the eye, as though I were already too far gone to give a coherent answer. Which I guess I was, since all that would pass my lips was a soft grunt. Anders gripped my hand and just below the elbow, then quickly jerked the joint in place, causing me to scream from the sudden, searing agony. The relief of his cool, tingling healing magic was enough to make me lose a couple of seconds as I came back to myself.

     I looked up into his concerned eyes and smiled at him in reassurance. "I'm better now, thanks. Though I think this shirt has just about had it."

     Anders leaned forward and saw the tattered affair that was barely holding together and swore softly under his breath. He stood and I watched as he went to a small chest near his desk, rummaging around until her had found a small knife and another of his small supply of tunics. He began carefully cutting away the tattered remnants of my tunic, careful to not pull too hard at the pieces already stuck with dried blood. Once the offending garment had been peeled back, he ran a soothing line of magic along each cut and scrape until my skin was smooth once again. _I'm never going to get used to not having scars and blemishes there anymore._

     I waited until Anders had his back to me, replacing his knife in his footlocker, before slipping out of the tattered shirt and redressing. Though I really wouldn't have minded showing off this amazing body I had suddenly been gifted with, I didn't want to make him uncomfortable. Or piss off Justice again.

     I stood up and stretched, reveling in the feel of Anders' rough linen shirt brushing against my skin. And the smell of the healer rushed into my lungs, making me giddy. Elfroot, musk and that cool peppermint of his magic. It made my whole body tingle and, without a breastband on, Anders could definitely see how he affected me through the thin garment. When the healer turned and saw, the sudden flush to his cheeks and darkening of his eyes was everything I had been hoping for.

     "So. Now that that's over with, still want to go furniture shopping?"

                    ****************************************************************************

     Luckily, with my new cloak draped strategically over my shoulders and down over my breasts, I didn't embarase the mostly-elvehn woodworkers I spoke to. It made wearing my quiver and bow difficult though, so Anders ended up strapping them down with his staff across his shoulder.

     I decided to forgo the usual Hightown merchants and instead ended up in the Alienage, haggling with an old codger of an elf for a couple of simple bedframes he had in stock, as well as endtables and armoires. I also ordered a desk so that Anders didn't have an excuse to not come to Hawke's at night. _He could write there, dammit!_ I paid even more to have everything delivered by the next day. Much as I loved lying in bed with Garrett, he was just too damned tempting!

     Anders, of course, argued with me about buying furniture meant for him, but I told him that Hawke would just have to repay me, then he could argue with the other man instead. I mean, I legitimately stole all this money and if I wanted to spoil my new friend, I would, and no one was going to talk me out of it.

     I ended up having to go into Hightown to order the mattresses, though. There was no way I was sleeping on prickly straw mattresses any longer than necessary. I ended up finding the gentleman that was handling the two mattresses that Hawke had already ordered- filled with a mix of lamb's wool, goose down and lavender- and ordered two more. I hinted at a generous tip if they could be done by the end of the next day. Anders laughed when the man stumbled over himself, trying to impress me. Greed could be a wonderful thing to exploit.

     By the time we were done, I could see the pink tinged clouds heralding sunset and was suddenly ravenous! I dragged the giggling healer behind me back to Hawke's for a cold supper of leftovers from the pantry. When we walked into the first entryway,I saw Hawke, in the main foyer, pacing in front of the fireplace. He looked so worried, eyes downcast and brows furrowed, hands clasped behind his back. Suddenly I felt guilt tugging at my heart when I realized that I had run out without a word to the large man and on my only quick return he hadn't been in, probably searching for me.

     When Hawke finally looked up, it was as though someone had flipped a switch behind his eyes. The fear and worry was instantly replaced with the brightest smile I had ever seen. His shoulders relaxed and he rushed over to wrap me up in an impossibly tight bear hug, lifting me off the ground. "Selena! Where were you? I woke up and you were gone and I thought I dreamed you!" he babbled. "Especially after that really vivid...dream I had had. You know, the kind that makes a change of sheets necessary." He raised and lowered his eyebrows in that terribly lascivious manner of his and I couldn't help but laugh. Even Anders was chuckling at his antics.

     "Let me go, you big bully" I giggled. "I can't breathe!"

     "No. When I put you down, you go wandering off. I'd put you on a leash but I think you'd like it too much." He looked me in the eye and it was then that I realized just how close we were.Oh, God, save me from gorgeous men! With a wicked grin and a sparkle in his eye, he slowly lowered me down the front of his body, scraping every piece of my sensitive skin on the way. When my feet finally touched the floor, my knees wobbled slightly and he laughed.

     "Nice to see I have that effect on you!"

     "God!" I snorted. "You are such an ass, Garrett."

     "Yeah, and you love me for it." He released me and took a small step back, noticing for the first time that I was wearing Anders' shirt. His eyebrows shot up to his hairline and his eyes darted from me to Anders and back, not frowning or upset, just highly curious.

      _Shit! How do I explain this without getting Anders killed?_

     But, of course, the mage couldn't keep his mouth shut while I tried to think. "Justice attacked her."

     Had Hawke been another mage, we would be short one healer right about now, because he would be a pile of ash on the floor. As it was, I thought Garrett would start to manifest flame from his eyes, fists clenched, bearing down on Anders with intent to kill.

     "WHAT?!" he screamed, getting into Anders' face, spittle flying. "What do you mean 'Justice attacked her'? How could you?! She's defenseless here! Hasn't the first clue what's going on!"

     "Hey!" I piped in, completely ignored by the other two.

     "I'm sorry, Hawke. I don't know what got into him,"Anders tried apologizing. "There's something about her that scares the living shit out of him. And she sure as shit isn't helpless! She managed to defend herself just fine and even talked me down!"

     By that point I couldn't really hear them anymore. If they were going to ignore me to argue amongst themselves, I was going to get dinner, dammit! I was starving! I searched through the pantry, pulling out bread and cheese, as well as a pottery jar filled with what turned out to be tart little pickles, then found a cutting knife and a pair of long metal tongs that would be perfect for what I had in mind.

     I quickly got the cooking fire lit, then set about making some simple cheese sandwiches, using the tongs to toast them over the flame until the bread was a sweet golden brown and the cheese was just begining to melt. _Grilled cheese sandwiches, a la Dragon Age. Nice!_

     Platter full of sandwiches and a bowl full of pickles, I wandered back into the foyer in search of the now much quieter boys. _Hope I don't find a couple of corpses. I can't eat all these sandwiches by myself_. Did I not tell you that I have a horrible sense of humour? Well, there you go.

     What I did find, though, was not what I had expected, though really I probably should have. Garrett had his hands fisted into Anders' hair, while the mage gripped his waist, In the throws of the the most passionate kiss. I backed away, meandering into the study, settling before the firepalce to nibble on sandwiches, grinning like an idiot the entire time. _I love it when people are happy._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you may have noticed, I suck at naming chapters.

_It wasn't that long ago that used to love soaking in a bathtub. Now all I want is a shower! A quick fucking shower, not a production to get fucking clean!_

     I knew I was being bitchy in my own head, but I didn't care. I'd been in Thedas for nearly a month and I was really starting to miss some of the comforts of home. Like a lamp that I could read by at night and not worry about setting the house on fire. Or the ability to get on a bus and drive where I needed to go. Or escalators! There were just too damned many stairs in Kirkwall!

     Or just picking up the phone and calling my kids.

     That was the one that was really getting to me. I was getting short with the guys, even snapped at Merrill for no real reason a couple of days ago, and in the back of my head I knew it was because I was missing my family. I didn't even have a picture of them here to look at when things got really bad. It was agony not to be able to reach out to them and laugh about the significant other, or about a book they read or a cool sale going on at the mall.

     No, I was stuck here, bathing in an admittedly nice marble tub, in a body not my own, with no idea what I was supposed to be doing with my new life. I slammed my hands down on the water in frustration, doing nothing more than splashing myself in the face. "FUCK!"

     "Selena? You okay?" the door began swinging inward, a familiar bearded face peeking beyond the jamb.

    "Jesus Fucking Christ, Garrett!" I screamed, arms covering the body parts not immersed in water. "Do you ever knock?"

     "Not when I can help it," he chuckled. "Otherwise I miss all the good bits."

     I screamed incoherently and threw the first thing that came to hand, which turned out to be a bar of soap. Thankfully, soap is not very aerodynamic and missed his head completely.

     Hawke merely laughed at my frustration. "Well, when you're ready to be civil, I want to introduce you to Brother Vael."

    Sebastian. Of the gorgeous eyes and the preachy demeanor. Great, that's all I needed.

     Once Hawke had vacated to bathing chamber, I buffed myself dry with a large flannel and wrapped it about myself to wander back to my room. My beautiful elvehn furniture had arrived in short time and made my private quarters look like a fairy garden. The headboard appeared as an arch of twisting branches, adorned with live ivy and morning glories. To either side of the bed were small end tables were covered with carvings of prancing halla and a matching armoire stood in a far corner. I had opted for linens in greens and browns, with splashes of white, pale pink and lilac on pillows and the rug. It was a sanctuary when this world just got to be too much for me.

     Anders had a slightly larger room next to mine, decorated with similar furniture, though it exuded a sense of more...male...than my own. He'd opted to shades of blue, from deepest navy to palest sky, and had shied from plants, except those he was cultivating for potions. In addition, I had found for him a large writing desk and armchair, so that he could spend his feverish writing hours in the relative warmth of Hawke's mansion.

     For now, though, it was time to dress. One thing about living in Kirkwall was how much I loved the clothing. no pinching zippers or scratchy synthetics. Just soft silks and breathable linens and comfortable cottons for me! Today I'd be lavish, what with a visitor downstairs. A white silk sheath dress with a low slung belt of silver links. A pair of soft white house slippers and a quick brush through of my wet hair and I was ready to go. I stopped at the top of the staircase to listen briefly to the conversation going on in the study. Leandra was in fine form, chatting away about the Grand Celric as though the woman were her matronly grandmother. I was ready to dislike Leandra a month ago, based on my exposure to her in the game. But I had found her to be quite gregarious and witty, with a twisted humour that was so much like her son's. The soft brogue that answered her had to be Sebastian's, and I could see how many women ended up throwing themselves at his feet. I was forced to suppress a bit of a shudder of my own.

     A soft gasp caused me to look down. Hawke was there, standing at the base of the staircase, staring up at me. His eyes were big as saucers, mouth a surprised 'O' before splitting into a large grin. He reached a hand to me and I couldn't help but walk down to take it.

     "Sorry I've been such a bitch lately." I said softly. "Forgive me?"

     "You keep looking as gorgeous as you do, and all is forgiven," he chuckled, turning and tucking my hand under his arm. "Shall we go meet the infamous Brother Vael before my mother has him running for the hills? Or I drag you back upstairs?"

     I nodded and the two of us walked into the study. In the month since my arrival, the room had been beautifully decorated in rich reds and browns, with a long sofa and paired wing chairs near the fire. The tall bookshelves were now filled to bursting with all manner of tomes and fiction. It was a room that made me feel at home. Leandra was seated in one of the chairs, the queen upon her throne. Seated in the other, with his back to us, the Chantry brother was completely hidden, save for a hand peeking over an armrest. He had long fingers, sun darkened and calloused.

     Upon seeing us, Leandra smiled and rose in greeting, Sebastian not far behind. _Oh, and isn't he yummy._ Deep red hair perfectly quaffed, turquoise eyes shining as brightly as his polished white armor in the light of the fire. Smile a practiced art, warm but barely reaching his eyes. He definitely had something else on his mind than Leandra's conversation.

     "Ah, Garrett," Leandra exclaimed. "So glad you were able to convince Selena to join us." Leandra reached out to take my hand, as she was wont to do. Mother Hawke enjoyed touching, grounding herself in the warmth of others. "Selena, my dear, this is Brother Sebastian Vael."

      I reached out to take his hand. Strong grip, calloused finger tips, wrapped his other hand across the top of my own as we shook. Archer's hands, strong ones, hands like the ones I was cultivating myself. "A pleasure to meet you , Misstress Selena. And it's just Sebastian, please."

     "Just Selena then, Sebastian." I pulled away and settled on the sofa, facing slightly towards his seat, watching as The brother and Garrett got comfortable. I noticed that Hawke had curled onto the sofa next to me a little closer than was really necessary and it made my toes tingle. Leandra must have noticed as well, smiling knowingly as she made her platitudes and exited the room.

     "What brings you by, Vael?" Garrett asked, sliding an arm around behind me to rest on the back of the couch. _Is Garrett being...possessive? How interesting._

     "Do you remember the...job you did for me not too long ago?" Sebastian asked, looking down at the tops of his hands as they wrung briefly in his lap. He seemed unsure on how to proceed, as though conflicted about what he wanted to talk to us about.

     "Of course I remember, Sebastian," Hawke replied. "We avenged your family."

     Vael's head rose quickly, surprised at Garrett's answer. "Avenged. Yes, I guess they were, in a way. But I've learned who hired the Flint Company Mercenaries."

      _Shit._

     "It was an old family friend of my mother's. It was the Harriman's, here in Kirkwall."

    _Oh, fuck shit crap on a cracker._

     "I need your help once again, Hawke. Please. I must speak with them. Find out why. But I am the last of my line. I cannot go in alone."

    _Act Two is starting! Shitfuckshitfuckshitfuck!_

     "Selena?" I heard Garrett ask, turning my face in his hands to look him in the eye. I guess I had begun to hyperventilate, my breathing fast and panicked. Garrett looked deep into my eyes, question abvious in his eyes. "Selena, what is it? What's wrong?"

     "It's starting," I said softly, heart in my throat. _Fuck! How long until the Arishok attacked Kirkwall? The game is so damned nonspecific about this! I need a solid time frame people!_

     "Selena, honey, you're starting to scare me and Sebastian is about ready to fetch a healer."

     I blinked, focusing on Garrett's eyes, looking on me in concern. _Okay, stupid, breathe. Don't panic. Panic won't help anything._ "Sorry, Garrett. Sorry, just you know, future stuff. I'll tell you about it later."

     "You sure?" "Yeah, I'm sure. Let's not scare the brother any more than necessary." I smiled and patted the hands holding my face. Garrett held for a few seconds longer, still concerned, but I peeled his fingers away. No need to frighten Sebastian more than needed.

     "Is all well, my lady?" he queried, leaning forward to gently touch the back of my hand.  _Hmmm, nice._

     I was about to placate the man when Hawke moved my hand away from him. "She's fine, Vael," he growled. _Oh my. I think I like jealous Hawke. A lot._

     Sebastian grinned faintly and stood, brushing imaginary dust from his breeches. "Well then, I should be off for Afternoon Mass. Please, think on what I've said. I need your help."

     "Of course, Sebastian," Hawke replied, standing and taking the Brother's hand in a quick shake. "I'll come to you in the next day or so and we'll go speak with the Harriman's"

     "Lady Selena, a pleasure to meet you," he smiled, nodding to me before heading out the door. Garrett spun back to me as the door snicked closed. "All right, now tell me what's going on."

     I sighed, moving out to the entryway to fetch my bow from the weapons rack. "We need to go see Aveline. Otherwise, a serial killer will eventually take your mother."


	7. Chapter 7

     "Hello, Aveline. Can we chat for a minute?"

     The Guard Captain was bent over her desk, writing furiously, as though the papers had offended her personally. Any second now the pen was going to begin ripping through to the other side. She looked up in momentary anger, then grinned as though we were her personal saviours.

     She stood, throwing down the pen in apparent glee, and shook our hands."Selena, Hawke, please come in."

     We seated ourselves before her desk as she reclaimed her chair, tenting her hands and resting her chin on her knuckles. "What can I do for you two- that doesn't involve having to write anything."

     Garrett chuckled and gestured towards me. This was my show after all. I huffed slightly and thought about how to go about this. "Aveline, you remember how I came here, right?"

     The red head sat up straighter, frowning. "Of course. It's not exactly the average tale."

     "Then you know if I tell you that something is going to happen, but we have the power to stop it, you can believe me?" I fidgetted slightly under her gaze. I'd hate to be a criminal right about now...or one of her kids...

     "Yeeeees..." she drawled, dropping her hands and leaning forward.

     "You remember Emeric? The Templar that claims there's a serial killer in Kirkwall?" Aveline nodded slowly. "Well, he's right. And I know who it is, and if we don't stop him a lot more women are going to die, including Leandra."

     "What?" Aveline exclaimed, shooting up from her chair, leaning farther forward with her hands planted firmly on the desk in front of her. "Are you certain? I can't just-"

     "She's certain, Aveline," Hawke piped up, still lounging somewhat indolently, as though none of this could possibly bother him. I'd noticed recetly that the more upset he was over something, the more relaxed he tried to appear. Any more upset and he'd look comatose. "She's certain and I'm going to find this man and stop him. I need you to be with me on this."

     Aveline straightened and began pacing along the length of her desk, waving her arms in sharp, quick jabs. "All right, of course I'm with you. With no real proof though, I can't bring any other guards. Where abouts are we going so I can move some patrols around?"

     "Lowtown Foundries," I told her.

     "Where we found the bones? Okay, I can work with that." She paused and tapped her chin. "Who all is coming with us?"

     I thought for a moment. "You, me, Garrett and Anders. If he has any victims with him, they may need healing, otherwise I would just make it us three."

     "All right, we can work with that. When and where?"

     Strangely, they both seemed to be deferring to me. "How about eight tonight, in front of the clinic. We'll come up from Darktown so we'll run into fewer guards." Hawke stood, stretching langurously. Stop that! Keep your mind focused on the night ahead. Not on Garrett's oh so yummy body! I heard Aveline chuckle and looked up at her knowing grin. A quick glance at Hawke showed that he hadn't noticed and I breathed a sigh of relief. He'd tease me about it for ages if he'd spotted that. Not that I don't deserve it. _Bad Selena! Bad!_

     Hawke and I made our way to the clinic, stopping briefly in the Market to pick up some foodstuffs, a couple of meters on unbleached muslin and a few small stuffed toys. The muslin was great for bandages and slings, while the toys distracted small children while they or their parent was being treated. I loved bringing these things down to the clinic, seeing as Anders never had the coin to splurge on things like that.

     Thankfully, Anders wasn't particularly busy today, though the two small kids, barely older than toddlers, that ran up and hugged us while mom was being bandaged was a bit of a surprise. For Hawke especially, as he stood there in his splint mail, sword and shield strapped to his back. The little girl wrapped about his leg barely reached the height of his hip, and yet she had him completely frozen, concern and near fear apparent in his eyes. I giggled, which didn't help with his mood. I lifted my own little attacker into my arms and handed him a teddy bear, that he promptly hugged tight to his chest. A simple ragdoll went to the girl and she released Hawke quickly to show her mum her new prize.

     "Now, try and keep this hand clean," Anders was saying to the woman, patting the little girl on the head. "I know that's not easy, but try."

     Mom nodded and collected her wards, barely stopping long enough for me to press one of our larger meat pies from the basket into her hands. "I know it's not a lot, but you guys should have a good meal tonight."

      She smiled and nodded, tears in her eyes. The refugee problem in Darktown made me ill. The Chantry here advocated giving to the poor, but they rarely followed their own advice. I'd have to have a long conversation with Sebastian about this sometime soon.

     Anders eyes sparkled at what he considered my generosity. I just figured it was general human kindness. It's how I'd want others to treat me if the roles were reversed.

     The healer took the muslin bundle I handed him with a wink and a smile and I laughed. Garrett was trying to brush away non-existant kid germs.Hawke was so cute in his discomfort!

     "Hi! What are you two doing here? Not that I'm complaining mind you," Anders asked, setting the muslin on a shelf and reaching to pull food stuffs out of the basket.

     "We need you for a job tonight," Hawke answered, sliding up next to Anders and giving his shoulders a quick squeeze. The boys affection for each other had been relatively chaste during the past month, not going much farther after the kiss in the hall, which was driving me nuts! But it wasn't any of my business if, or how quickly, their relationship would progress.4

     It didn't stop me from sighing in frustration. Anders blushed to the tips of his ears and Garrett wiggled his eyebrows, leaning heavily against his friend.

     "I'm in," Anders replied.

     I looked at him, somewhat surprised."You don't even know what we're doing. You're just going to say yes? Just like that?"

     "Of course," he said, matter of factly. "Hawke has done nothing but help me. I'm returning the favour." Hawke threw himself down on a nearby cot, armor and all, covering his face with an arm. _How in the hell is that comfortable? He's still wearing his shield for God's sake!_

     Anders watched him for a few moments, then turned back to me. "What is it?" he whispered. "What's bothering him?"

     "This job, it's...going to save Leandra's life. That's a lot of preasure to put on a guy." I looked from Hawke to Anders and back. "Watch out for him? Aveline and I will be back by eight and we can leave."

     Anders nodded and I headed out ot the cellar entrance to the estate.

              *****************************************************************************

     Eight o'clock seemed to come all too soon. We met, as agreed, in front of the clinic, armed for bear. Aveline was in her full Captain's Plate, Wesley's shield strapped to her back, longsword sheathed beside it. Anders remained in his standard robe and tatty feathered coat, a thick warped wood staff I had never seen before in hand. Garrett was still in his old plate mail, with his own longsword and kite shield a pair for Aveline's.

     I was finally getting to try out my own leathers outside of a training yard. They were supple, vegetable-tanned black leather breeches paired with corset and sleeve/collar combo. Short fingerless gloves and ankle boots rounded out the ensemble. I admit it, I loved them! They made me feel super sexy, and the appreciative looks I got from the boys while wearing them made it well worth the coin I spent. Bow at my back, Speed and Agility at my hips, and we were all set.

     The trip to the foundry was tensely silent. Aveline and I kept our eyes peeled for late night bandits or questioning city guards, while Anders watched out for a very focused Hawke. I was really starting to become concerned. He'd moved from feigning disinterest to steely resolve, and I just wasn't used to that. This was a well and truly angry Hawke, and I prayed he never looked at me that way.

     The foundry was as I expected- shades and demons galore. Anders and I hung back, taking out creatures on the perifery while Hawke and Aveline waded in. In silent agreement, we'd paired off- Anders covering Hawke while I took care of Aveline- and it worked well. And when the two warriors began to flag, Anders would send out a rejuvenation spell to bolster them. Quietly I thanked whoever had given me this body, with it's natural fighting abilities, so that my friends had someone there to back them up.

     In short order, I brought them to the secret entrance into the basement, and soon we were in the killer's private chambers. Another short fight- though this time I was forced to get up close and personal with a rage demon- and we were left staring up at the protrait of a beautiful, and very familiar, woman. I left the other three to ruminate while I rummaged through the man's chests. Some coin, a few potions, a small shield and a sack that I would go through later, and I was ready to proceed with the others.

     In Varric's telling fo the tale, there was a large battle involving demons and abominations. But in truth, when we entered the workroom and Quenten was bent over the body of his latest victim, Hawke screamed in rage, rushing forward to lop off the mad man's head.

     Anders tried to save the woman, but she was long gone. So Anders and I ended up helping a now deflated Hawke back to his home while Aveline insisted on taking care of the bodies. I thanked her profusely for staying behind.

     "Just take care of him, Selena. He's going to need it."

          ******************************************************************************

     It was now after twelve and I couldn't sleep. The boys were down for the count, though it took a few belts of good Antivan brandy to finally fell Hawke. I was fidgetty, still pumped from the fighting and couldn't seem to shut off. So I decided to go through the sac of stuff I had found at Quenten's.

     It was a simple darwstring burlap bag, crusted with dried salt along the bottom and smelling faintly of the ocean. Another one that likes the Coast I guess. Peeking inside, I was dumbfounded for a moment, then hastily tipped the sac over and dumped the contents on my bed, heedless of the sand that came with it. Spread out over my simple green blanket were the remnants of my life. My cell phone, long since made useless by saltwater. One of my sneakers, the one that didn't make it back with me to the Hawke estate. My mother's wedding ring, that I had worn everyday since her death when I was twelve.

     And my wallet.

     I fumbled at the latch, praying _Oh please let them be okay please please please_. The worn leather was stiff with salt and I could see that most of my business cards were wrecked from the water. But, there, tucked away in a plastic sleeve, were what I was looking for.

     Pictures. Photos of my kids, saved by a thin sheet of plastic. My neice as a baby. Even my ex husband, when things had been better between us.

     When Anders came to check on me in the morning, I was still crying.


	8. Chapter 8

      Anders spent the morning with me as I cried- a lot. God, I was disgusting! It was a damned good thing he was a healer and used to seeing a lot of...well, things. He sat on the bed, back against the foliage that was my headboard, my head in his lap as I curled next to him, stroking my hair. It was comforting, so much so that I think I may have even dozed off on him for a few minutes.

      Later, I showed him my pictures. Of course, first I had to explain photographs to him- and when you're sooo not technologically savy, like me, that is not easy. I pulled out all of my little photographs and let him peruse them, telling him all about each of my kids in that effusive way that parents do.

     When we got to the last picture, he stopped and looked at it in mild confusion. It showed a man and a woman, about middle aged, of similar heights, looking each other in the eye, arms wrapped lightly at the waist. He was thinner, dark haired and a little scruffy, in dark dress pants and white button down shirt. She was curvier, to put it kindly, with graying brown, shoulder length hair , dressed in a simple cut red dress. Anders looked back at me when he caught the hitch in my breathing.

     "That's my...ex-husband, James," I explained. "Things were different then, in that picture. Before the accident."

     He pointed to the other figure. "So this is...?"

    "Me. Yeah, completely different than the vision you see now." I laughed, a little bitterly.

     Anders looked back to the photo, running a finger lightly along the woman's line. "I can see it actually. It's the smile. You still have that beatific smile."

     I was shocked. He liked my smile? And he thought it was the same? I could feel the tears welling up again, and I blinked a couple of times to clear them. "Well, thanks, handsome. That's nice to hear."

     He smiled at me, but his eyes returned to the photo as though hypnotized. "What happened that you and your husband...."

     "Got divorced?" I supplied. "A lot. I guess it started with the accident. We were good. I mean we were good for fifteen years. Got married really early by our standards and had kids really early, but it didn't matter. He loved me and I loved him. Still do. But then there was the accident, and things changed.

    It was the two of us and our middle girl, Amy. She was in cadets and we were driving her to her weekly meeting. She was in the front with me, while her dad sat in the back so he could work on his computer or something.Some asshole coming the other way, drunk as a skunk, hit us almost head on. James broke his collarbone, tore his right rotator cuff and hit his head pretty bad. I got out with a broken leg and some bad cuts from broken glass. Amy...Amy almost died. She had so many broken bones they weren't sure they would be able to put her back together again."

     "Oh, Selena, sweetheart..."

      "It's okay. She actually did a lot better than the doctors thought she would. Except for a scar on her back from surgery, you'd never know how close she came. No, the real damage was actually to James. That hit on the head, it changed him. Later I learned that there was some scar tissue pressing down on his frontal lobe, causing depression, and later delusions.

     At first, it was mild paranoia. He started accusing me of infidelity. Of flirting too heavily with the postman, or the guy at the checkout at the grocery store. Then he started stalking me, following me to work, when I was running errands. The final straw came when he started drinking too much and would hit me. He may not look it, but he's pretty strong."

     I could feel, as I told my story, Anders tensing up beside me, angry and indignant at what had happened. I placed a soft, placating hand on his thigh. "It's okay. At that point I packed up the kids and left. Of course, most of them were old enough at that point to live on their own, but we all toddled off to my mother-in-laws house. She might have been his mother, but she didn't allow physical shit like that to happen. I talked to James' doctor and convinced my husband to have a scan done of his brain- kind of like a magic picture, don't ask- and we learned about the problem. But by then, things were just too strained between us. I filed for divorce and things were over."

     Anders went back to petting my hair. "But you still love him?"

     "Actually, yes I do. I'll always love him. We have...had a history together that will never go away."

      "Hey!" a voice called from the doorway. We looked up to see Hawke, hands on hips and smiling, though I could see the concern in his eyes. "Can I get involved in this little on-the-bed snuggle or is this a private affair?"

     I snorted while Anders slid from under my cheek "Actually, I need to head out to the clinic, if you're going to be okay, Selena?"

     "Yeah, yeah, "I sighed, making shooing motions as I sat up. "Go. Save the poor and downtrodden. They need you a hell of a lot more than some weepy old lady."

     Anders stopped, cupping a cheek so that I was forced to look him in the eye. "You are not a 'weepy old lady'. You are a friend that needed a sh- lap to cry on."

     "And what a wonderful lap it is, cute stuff." I leered halfheartedly.

      He tried to stay serious, he really did, but the laugh escaped him anyway as he slid by Garrett, still filling the doorframe. Hawke's fingers brushed the apostates sleeve as he went by, though I'm uncertain if Anders noticed. Hard not to though, seeing as the heat in Garrett's eyes should have set the mage's clothing on fire. When the door downstairs closed, the large warrior turned back to me, sighed, and threw himself in a flop on top of my bed, arms flung wide like a teenager.

      "All right, Romeo. What's the problem?" I chuckled, leaning forward so that I was looking down upon him. "Apparently, if it wasn't for the fact that my mother lives here, I'd be nothing but twenty-four hour hard-on, all the time." he sighed.

     "What?!" I sat back, still giggling slightly at the image, though also seriously aroused by the idea. _Stop that! You're worse than he is!_

     "I mean, look at Anders. He's all golden light and bright like the sun. And he smells so delicious, with the most delectible little ass, all tight muscle and raw power. He's got the most amazing body, though he still needs to eat more- still looking too skinny if you ask me. And that hair! It's so much silkier than it looks, and it looks pretty damned silky, let me tell you. Then there's you."

     "Me?" I choked, sitting back in surprise.

     Hawke sat up and turned towards me, scooting closer, within easy arm's reach. He placed a hand softly on my knee and when I looked, there wasn't that joking flirt, but a real emotional man sitting there. "Yes you. Because of you, I will have a mother for many more years. That alone would make you the most beautiful woman in all Thedas. Then you add in the perfect alabaster skin, that hair that can't seem to decide if it wants to be black or just reflect the nighttime sky, and the most breathtaking lavender eyes. I could get lost in those eyes for hours."

     I reached out at gently cupped his face, running my fingers through his beard, reveling in the scratch of hair against my palms. I had never seen Hawke looking so insecure, like a lost puppy begging to be found. I couldn't seem to help myself as I leaned in, meeting his lips with my own. It was chaste at first, a soft touching of skin, warm moist breath upon my lips, but it soon grew deeper. He reached for my hips to pull me closer as I wrapped my arms about his neck. He licked across my lower lip, parting them to dart his tongue inside, sending a jolt of electricity straight into my groin. I couldn't think, I could barely breathe for what this man was doing to me.

     "Sorry guys I forgot my co-" Garrett and I sprang apart, faces flushed, eyes to the doorway. Anders was standing there, mouth and eyes wide in shock, coat held loosely in his fingers, before turning and rushing back down the stairs.

_Oh Fuck!_


	9. Chapter 9

     "Oh fuck."

     "You can say that again."

     "Oh fuck"

     "It's a figure of speech, Garrett. Hand me my blades and we can go find him, okay?"

      Hawke passed me my spine sheaths then stood impatiently, running his hands fitfully through his hair. The poor man had been fretting non-stop since Anders had sped out through the door, waiting for me to get myself together to help in the search.

     "Okay, handsome," I said, finishing the last buckle, speaking as calmly as my own nerves would allow, "he's probably gone to the clinic, so we'll start there. If not, then we'll pop into the Hanged Man and see what Varric knows."

     "Please, Selena, can we just go? I need to...I just...I gotta catch him."

     This was a side of Hawke I'd never seen before. He was nervous and flustered, and to be honest, a little scared. It was...kinda cute really. His eyes were overbright and wild, and he'd run his hands through his hair so many times that it was standing up in odd little tufts. He practically flew down the cellar steps out into the fetid air of Darktown as soon as I motioned for him to lead.

     The clinic was closed and locked, though I did try out some of the lockpicking skills that Isabela had been teaching me. No Anders. The hearth didn't even look as though it had been lit in days.

     We searched through most of Darktown, just in case, but found neither hide nor hair. Not even Tomwise, with his ears to the ground, had heard of Anders in Darktown today.

     The Hanged Man, on the other hand, had heard all sorts of things about Anders, seeing as he was busy dancing on a table in the center of the main room.

     I admit it, I gaped. A group of minstrels were playing a raucous tune as his boots stomped to the beat. He had a flagon in each hand, spilling as much as he drank. The table was surrounded by a throng of Fereldan partiers, hooting and whistling as he spun. He laughed, but it was brittle and forced. He was not as happy as he seemed, and it was our doing.

     I spotted Varric in a corner near the rear stairs, and pulled Garrett towards him. "Varric, how long has this been going on?"

     "Hey there, Starlight. The dancing for about an hour or so, but he's been here pretty much all day." Varric smiled lightly and hitched at his belt.

     "Starlight?" I asked, tickled at the nickname.

     "Night dark hair, sparkling smile. Yeah, Starlight works," he turned his attention back to the prancing mage. "So what happened to make him like this?"

     Hawke sighed, finding a chair to slump in, "He walked in on Selena and I...kissing."

     "What? Just kissing?"

     "Yes, just kissing," I assured him. "But it was a bit of a shock."

     "Hey! Look!" A voice cried out from the throng. Anders had spotted us and was making his wobbly way towards us. His cheeks were flushed and his eyes glazed from too much ale, but I could see that he was still hurting. "My friends have arrived! Care to dance with me, Selena?"

     I reached out to take his arms as he stumbled forward, spilling ale down both our shirts. I ignored it, smiling at him. "I think, maybe we should just sit and talk, okay Anders?"

     His brows drew down and he pulled away. "No! I don't want to talk. I want to be happy. Why can't I be happy for once?"

     Hawke stood slowly next to us. "Anders?"

     "I just want to be happy," he said, softer than before. "I want to be able to kiss who I want, drink or eat as much as I want. And not have some stupid voice in my head telling me what to do all the time!" The tears began to fall as I wrapped an arm about his shoulders.

     Varric motioned for us to move him up to his suite and we shuffled him away from the crowd. He was easily led, now, head down, shoulders lumped. Hawke followed, begining to revert to his usual careless stance when feeling upset. This was not going to be good.

     I settled Anders to sit on Varric's bed, while Garrett threw himself into one of the dwarf's low slung chairs. It was a damned good thing he'd invested in those damned cushions like I asked, or Hawke would have a very sore ass before too long.

     I rolled my eyes at Hawke's attitude, then knelt before Anders' bowed form, taking his hands in mine, as I pried away the last flagon of ale. "Anders? Talk to me."

     He snorted in derision. "Why? It's my own fault. I pushed him away, told him no so many times. Told him I was going to hurt him, to the point that he finally believed me." My eyes flickered to Hawke, but he was watching the fire in Varric's hearth, with his usual mask of insolence. "I just want to feel like everybody else for once."

      I moved around to sit next to the mage on the bed, wrapping an arm around his shoulders to pull him into my side. He rested there, temple against my shoulder, my other hand resting upon his in his lap, for some time. The poor man seemed so broken, and it killed me that I was a part of that. Eventually, Garrett turned to look at us, eyes hooded, mouth downturned in a slight grimace.

     I motioned for Garrett to join us, but he shook his head no. For all his appearance of calm, I could see the hurt in his eyes and knew he wasn't ready. So instead I cuddled Anders until his head began to fall in sleep, at which point I slid his prone form up across Varric's worn mattress, covering him with a soft wool blanket. _How the hell do I fix THIS one?_

                       **************************************************************************

      It took an hour of playing Wicked Grace- at which I admittedly suck- before Garrett finally began to talk to me. It started as simple apologies, for dragging me into the middle of things, for kissing me when he shouldn't have, things that I had to restrain myself from hitting him. _The men in my life can so stupid sometimes, I swear._

     I discarded a Serpent, then drew another card. "How long has he been fighting how he feels?"

     I asked. Hawke scowled at his cards, dropping a Knight and drawing another. "Almost since you...arrived. But I've been panting after him for years now. There's something about him that just does it for me, you know? But I can't get him to get past his whole 'spirit inside' bullshit."

     I scooped up the discarded Knight and dumped another crappy Serpent. "So, then, what happened with us this morning?"

     Hawke leered suggestively, eyebrows waggling. "I had the opportunity to kiss a beautiful woman, so I took it."

     I sighed with a smile, shaking my head slightly. Sometimes dealing with Hawke was like dealing with a hormonal teenager. "I'm serious, Garrett. If you're so fixated on Anders, why did you turn to me?"

     The grin slipped from Hawkes lips and his eyes drifted to the pile of cards on the table. "I like you, Selena. Almost as much as I like Anders. And since he keeps rejecting me, I figured maybe you wouldn't." He sighed, a heartfelt, mournful sound. "But you guys are so good with each other, maybe I should just work to get the two of you together."

     I started, blinking at him in surprise. This seemed to be coming completely out of left field. I mean, he was so possessive of me when dealing with other men, I was shocked that he'd be talking about pushing me into another's arms.

     I dropped a Song card and drew fresh. "My mother and I used to talk about love a lot when I was a kid," I said as I rearranged my array. "She said that there were three types of romantic love out there. There was the love that made you feel safe and secure. There was the love that made you laugh and lifted your heart. And there was the love that sent a pulse of fear through your heart, a thrill to keep the blood pumping. And if you were really lucky, you would find these three types of love, and the four of you would live happily ever after."

     Hawke snorted in laughter, dropping his cards over the table. "I think I like your mother! So, you were married...before. Which kind was that guy?"

     "At first, he was the second. Over time he became the first. After the accident, he wasn't really any of them."

     "Not even the third?"

     I looked down at my cards, blinking back sudden tears. "No. The buffer for the fear is knowing, deep down, that your partner wouldn't really hurt you. I just didn't know that, not really. James got scary towards the end."

      "Hey," a soft voice called from the bed. The two of us whipped our heads around, to see Anders sitting up, rubbing at his forhead. A faint blue glow let us know that he was using his magic to sober himself up...or Justice was doing it.

     I smiled, setting down my cards and moving over towards him. "Hey, to you too. How are you feeling?"

     He grinned sheepishly. "Like a complete idiot. Like if there was a Deep Roads entrance nearby, I'd go jump into it right about now."

     I leaned in and gave him a soft kiss on the forehead. "Don't be silly. Everybody needs to fall apart every once in a while. There's no shame in that." I stood straighter and clapped my hands together. "Now, you and Garrett are going to stay here and have a long talk. I, on the other hand, am going home for a nap. I've been up since yesterday morning and I'm exhausted!"

     Before either could argue, I was out the door and running through the streets of Lowtown. For some reason, tears were streaming down my cheeks as I ran.


	10. Chapter 10

     "I'm heading up to Sundermount."

     "Wha-?" Anders choked around a mouthful of raspberry tart.

     We were sitting at the kitchen table, Bodahn- finally a member of the Hawke family- kneading dough nearby for the day's loaves of bread. He snickered softly at Anders' predicament. I couldn't help it, I laughed too as I patted his back to dislodge a bit of pastry.

     "I'm taking Merrill and we're going up to Sundermount," I reiterated. "And I need you to tell Hawke when he gets back from the Viscount's office."

     "Why not just wait til Hawke gets back then?" he asked, wiping crumbs from his face and shirt.

     "Because Garrett will try and talk me out of it, and this is something I need to do. Oh! And tell him to carry a couple of handkerchiefs big enough to wrap around his face! He'll know why when he gets to it. Trust me."

     Anders looked so confused I had to laugh again. Sometimes it was kind of fun knowing some of the things that were going to happen. "Don't worry, Anders. There's just some people I need to talk to."

     "Then I'm coming too," he declared, standing from the table. I followed suit, placing a hand gently on his shoulder. "No, you're not. Hawke's going to need you tonight. This job he's about to take is going to take a healer. And you're the best. Don't let him leave you behind, okay?"

     "O-okay," he replied haltingly. I could see the conflict in his eyes. He didn't want me to go without him, but he also didn't want to leave Hawke in the lurch. Not when it might be a matter of life or death.

     "Don't worry, cute stuff. I'm taking Merrill and Fenris with me."

     "That's supposed to make me feel better?" he asked incredulously. His dislike of the two elves was legendary, which was funny when you considered how alike he and Fenris were.

     "Trust me." I said as I wandered to the foyer, grabbing my pack from the entry bench before reaching for the door. "Merrill is intregal to my plan, and I'm going to start working on her about her use of blood magic. Hopefully get her to start using other abilities. As for Fenris, I figured nobody would let me leave with just Merrill, so I'm bringing some muscle."

     Quiver and bow were slid into place and knife sheathes strapped to my hips as Anders chewed a nail bed to the quick in apprehension. "What do I tell Hawke about why I let you go without him?"

     I reached up and kissed his cheek lightly. "Tell him I overpowered you and when you regained conciousness, I was gone."

     "Funny. Very funny."

               ****************************************************************************

    "- and Sundernount is supposed to be where Andraste came and the flowers are really beautiful and when it's clear you can see all the way to Highever. Not that it's ever clear of course. The clouds are always here and it storms and it's loud. And watch for spiders- big ones, not little ones-"

     "Merrill," I interupted, rubbing at the bridge of my nose," could you go see if you can find me some elfroot? Maybe three or four plants?"

     "Of course, lethalen. I'll be right back!"

     "Take your time," I muttered softly, causing Fenris to chuckle. She was a sweet, wonderful woman, but after several hours of non-stop talk, I had a blistering headache.I wondered if this world had an equivalent to valium I could slip her in her water skin.

     "Why are we doing this?" Fenris asked, frowning as he watched for possible threats. "What possible purpose could we have to climb a Maker forsaken mountain."

     "Because this is the only place I know that I might be able to communicate with Flemeth."

     "WHAT?" Fenris jerked to a stop, grabbing my elbow to force me to follow suit. "Why, in Andraste's name, would you possibly want to do that?"

     I looked down at where he gripped, feeling the electric tingle of his tattoos held barely in check. He was fighting not to light them up in his distress. "Because, Fenris, she's the only power in all Thedas that might know why I was brought here. And I need to know. I need to know that I wasn't dragged away from my family because of some stupid bit of chance. Okay?"

     The elf continued to stare in wide eyed surprise for a few more moments. I wish I knew what he was thinking. He was so damned hard to read sometimes. Slowly, though, the power that seeped from his markings diminished and he released his grip on my arm.

     "I...I'm sorry, Selena. Of course you need to learn about your fate. It is not my decision on how you go about it." He straightened, his eyes becoming hooded once more. _Dammit! Someday he'll open up to me, I swear to God!_

     "Lethalen! I found a whole bunch of elfroot for you!" Merrill cried, running quickly towards us with an armful of plants. "But there's some spiders that aren't taking it too kindly that you needed them!"

     Scuttling behind her were three large specimens, all larger than she, all literally spitting mad. I barely had time to draw before a ogb of venom splattered against my leg. It was begining to burn through my leathers but I didn't spare it another thought. "Drop the plants and cast, Merrill! They're too close!"

     Fenris, a flash of blue light, was already in the center of the fray, and I tried to concentrate on where my shots would land. Aim for where they will be, not where they are. Twitch of the fingers, flick of the wrist, and three arrows were sprouting from three eyes on one of the poisonous beasts. Merrill cheered my shot as she wrapped another spider in tendrils of tree roots. Slowly the spider would be crushed within the net of plant life. I smiled encouragingly. Much better than bleeding everwhere for power. Fenris brought his sword down through the center of the third spider, seperating head from abdoman in a gush of ichor. _Ugh! That's just gross!_

     I reseated my bow and looked around at the carnage as Merrill reclaimed the elfroot I had sent her for. Fenris jogged up, flicking his greatsword to remove droplets of blood before wiping it down and resheathing it. _Well, we seem to have some out of it relatively unscath-SHIT!_

     The sudden burning on my leg reminded me that one of those stupid spiders had spit at me, and that it had now burned all the way through the leather of my breeches.

     "Shit!" I cried, fumbling witht the ties of my pants and quickly yanking them off.

     "What-?" Fenris began before covering his eyes and turning his back.

     "Fuck, Fenris! Stop being squeemish and help me get this spit off my leg!" I yelled. _Damned prissy elf!_

     He spun, all business as Merril dropped to her knees before the wound. No more rambling, she took a handful of the elfroot and began using it to wipe off the poison. "It's all right." she soothed. "It's a good thing you had me fetch the root. The leaves will clean the toxins, while the sap from the broken stems will heal the burn."

     Fenris took a firm hold of my shoulders as I swayed slightly. It was like having a bad burn, then ice stroked across it. At first it hurt even more, but as the ice was continually applied, the heat of the burning dissipated, until you felt more cold than hot.

     "We'll go tp Keeper Marethari to finish healing this," Merrill said, looking up at me with a quirk of the lips. "And maybe some pants."

      I blushed. I couldn't help it. I was standing on the side of Sundermount, with Merrill and Fenris of all people, in nothing but my leather jerkin, boots and smalls. And don't ask me how I got my breeches off without removing my boots- I just chocked it up to magic. I looked down at my pants and drew in my brows angrily. They were now almost nothing but bubbling toxins. _Dammit to Hell! Those were good pants!_

     The people of Merrill's clan watched us with a mix of derision and mirth. The Blood Mage, the Knife-Ear and the Shem with no pants. Yup, that was us. Keeper Marethari, on the other hand, merely smiled and motioned for us to sit with her by her fire, stopping only briefly to send a pulse of healing magic through my calf before offering us tea.

     "No, thank you, Keeper. We're only passing through on our way further up the mountain," I said.

     She smirked, eyes travelling down my frame. "And to borrow some trousers, I suspect."

     I blushed, again. "Yes...please." Another elf, a child of no more than nine or ten, ran up with a pair of dark leather breeches. They were softer, not treated like my own pair, but were of a similar shade and well made. "Thank you, Callem," the Keeper told the boy softly before he scampered off. She handed the pants to me and I wiggled into them quickly. They were a little short, but fit snuggly and were extraordinarily comfortable.

     "Thank you, Keeper. These are wonderful!" She bowed her head slightly at the praise and looked at me thoughtfully.

     "So, you are here to speak with Asha'Bellanar." she said matter of factly.

     I stared at her dumbfounded as Merrill giggled and Fenris released a surprised grunt. "Y- yes," I stammered. "This is the only place that I could think of that I might be able to get her attention. I figured if anyone knew why I was here, it would be the Witch."

     "Your thinking is sound, young one," she said. "But I'm afraid that Asha'Bellanar will not come when called."

     The disappointment must have showed because Merrill reached out to pull me into her shoulder. "Why? How do you know?"

     "Because I am already here."

      Fenris was a flash of blue, sword drawn, spinning towards the throaty voice, before he was frozen in place with a wave of the witch's hand. She stalked down the mountain path, white hair blowing in the wind, burgandy skirts and raven feathers fluttering along. She was beautiful and frightening. Merrill squeaked, moving a little behind my back, then shuffling closer to Marethari as I rose to meet her.

     "Flemeth," I said in greeting, nodding towards her. She gave me a predatory smile. "Earth child. How nice to meet you at last."

     "So you know about me then?" I asked, kicking myself as the words left my mouth. _Well, of course she knows, stupid! She's Flemeth!_

     The witch merely laughed, taking a firm grip of my elbow and steering me away from prying ears. "Come. It would not do for others to hear the words we must speak to each other."

     We wandered a short distance, to an outcropping of stone that rose to overlook the entire encampment. She sat primly upon a boulder and motioned for me to join her.

     "All right, Earth Child. Ask your questions and I will endeavour to answer what I may."

     "Why?" I blurted out. "Why am I here? What is it I need to do? What is this green magic that I seem to have inside of me?"

     "Well. You certainly don't start small, do you?" the witch chuckled.

     "Go big or go home." I answered.

     "Very true. Well, to answer your third question first, it is simple. You carry within you the power of a breach in the Veil. A breach dragged you here from your home and left a part of itself within you for future endeavours. You are here to complete those endeavours. Whether or not it's possible is up to you, but if you fail, Thedas will fall."

     "What do you mean, 'Thedas will fall'?"

     "You have ears and a brain, girl. Use them," Flemeth admonished. "The breaches will tear this world apart. And with the power of Thedas to fuel them, the breaches will grow and consume other worlds, including the one you call home."

     I sat and stared at my knuckles for a few moments as I thought. _Fuck! I can't even climb a mountain without losing my pants and she wants me to...what? Save the universe?_

     "The power within you will know what to do and when to do it," she said, evidently trying to reassure me. Badly. "You simply need to be in the right place at the right time."

     "Oh, is that all?" I choked out, laughing. "Sounds easy, doesn't it?"

     Flemeth looked back at me, and for a moment I thought I saw sadness in her eyes. " One of the easiest and most difficult things you will ever be faced with, Earth Child. But unless you try, this world- and every other- is doomed to the Void."

     "Just, please, can you tell me one more thing?" I begged, taking her hand in my own.

     She looked down at our clasped digits and smiled slightly. Not her disdainful, haughty smile, but one of genuine surprise and affection. "If I can answer it, I will."

     "My family. My kids. Are they okay? Do they know I'm...gone?"

     She patted the back of my hand as she pulled hers away and stood to leave. "When you're spirit was pulled into our world, a body was left behind. They grieve. But they move on with their lives and miss you dearly. The woman that was with you, the friend, she lived and has recovered, though she feels responsible for your fate. Eventually she will learn that it was not her doing and will begin to mourn properly. Eventually, your children will begin families of their own, and one will name a daughter for you. Mourn their lose from your life and yours from theirs, but rejoice in the wonders that they will beget."

     I couldn't stop the tears that raged from me as the Witch of the Wilds flew from my side in the form of a dragon. All I could think about was that my children believed me dead. And I guess, in a sense, I was.

  _Well...fuck..._


	11. Chapter 11

     A thunderstorm in Kirkwall was like nothing I had ever experienced at home. The rain was heavy, oppressive, rattling the windows with it's heavy beat. Lightning blinded while thunder cracks had, more than once, caused Hawke's mabari war hound, Spirit, to cower against me on the long sofa in the study. With a thick blanket wrapped about my legs and a hearty fire in the fireplace, the chill of the day was kept at bay. Barely.

     It felt like the beginning of autumn, though I really had no clue. Game Kirkwall always seemed to be the same season, though I'm sure the temperatures couldn't stay that steady here. Why worry about programming changes in the weather, I guess. It's not like most gamers really cared.

     In my lap rested a sheaf of papers, charcoal in my fingers. A list of quests that were still to come up. I was trying to figure out what things I could change, what were going to have to run their course, and maybe what consequences I would have to face in changing things. Upon saving Leandra, I had forgotten that we were also saving Alessa and Emeric. And what about Dupuis? No one had seen nor heard from him since the death of Quenten.

     First, I was going to have to find Wall-eyed Sam. If I could get back the Qunari relic, maybe the Arishok would leave, saving who knows how many lives, not the least of which the Viscount's and Saemus. Would that also derail Petrice? Or was I going to be forced to deal with her anyway? Then maybe I could find and destroy Alrik, before Anders had to. Then again, the only place I knew for a fact he would be was the Gallows, and I sure as shit wasn't about to kill him there.Same with Fenris and Hadrianna. I hadn't a clue where the holding caves were, or when she would be there. And would it be possible to find Bartrand before he sold the idol to Meredith? And if not, could I get it away from her before she completely lost it?

     "Fuck!" I suddenly yelled, flinging the sheets away from me to the floor, startling the dog into another yelp. Too many variables. I'd never be able to figure it all out.

     As I reached out to soothe the dog, scratching between his ears as he moved into the touch, there was a soft chuckle at the door. I turned to spot my boys, Anders and Garrett, leaning slightly into each other. Hawke had his arm resting across the mage's shoulders, while Anders was gripping the other's hip. With the light of the fire softly gilding their forms, they were absolutely beautiful.

     In the week since Anders had his little...episode...they had become much closer, to the point where I was sure they were finally -FINALLY!- having sex. But they were being very circumspect about the whole thing, I think mostly out of respect for Leandra. I smiled and motioned them to join me on the couch.

     Garrett told Spirit to get down, which he did with a roll of the eyes, then made me scoot to the middle so that they could sit to either side, draping arms across the back, hands to my shoulders. I leaned a shoulder to Anders, a hip against Garrett and sighed. It was nice, comfortable to be with these two men. Even more than with my husband when we had been together. Except for that kiss with Garrett, nothing had happened between the three of us, and yet I felt like I had come home some days.

      "So," Anders began," what has you so aggravated that you would take it out on poor unsuspecting paper?"

     "Ugh." I leaned closer, placing a hand upon Anders' thigh. "I'm trying to work out what, if anything, I can change to make Kirkwall...safer. And don't either of you look at those papers! No good can come of you knowing too much!"

     "How do you know?" Garrett asked, brushing his finger pads softly across my shoulder, irreverant grin shining. "Maybe just knowing it's coming will make things change."

     "First, if that were true, everything would have changed already, since I'm here and know what's going to happen," I said, wrapping my other hand up to scratch at his beard. "Second, if everything did change, would that necessarilly be to the better? What if I unleash something that's even worse? Something I don't know is there because it never came up in the game?"

     I could feel them both tense slightly against me. "Well,shit,"Anders murmured, pulling me even closer to his side. Garrett grunted and pulled me back. The next thing I know, the two are playfully pulling me between them like a fought over toy. I laughed at their antics, which had, apparently been the point, distracting me from my ponderings.

     "All right! We came in here for a reason!" Garrett declared, standing and pulling me up from the couch. "We're taking you out!"

     "What?" I asked incredulously, looking out one of the tall windows. "It's pissing rain out there!"

     "So? We'll wear our oiled cloaks. And we're not going far. The Viscount's annual dinner is tonight and you're both coming with me."

     "Both? Why not just take Anders?" I leaned in, speaking a little more softly. "Wouldn't you prefer to just spend your time with him?"

     "Of course I would." Garrett sighed, reaching around me to take a hold of Anders' hand and pull him up as well. "But Mother says she can't go this year- haven't a clue why- and Anders won't come without you. And much as I might love to bring just you, I would be pining for my favourite mage all night, and that wouldn't be fair to you."

     "Fine," I sighed, heading for the stairs. Maybe I had something that wouldn't be too uncomfortable to dance in swirling around my armoire.

     "And look girly!" Hawke called from the study.

      _Dammit!_

            ******************************************************************************

     I have to admit, I didn't look half bad. Dove gray silk with a fitted bodice and full skirt, complimented by a dark silver corset, embroidered to within an inch of it's life. Charcoal slippers and wool cloak, paired with some simple silver earrings finished everything off. Instead of leaving my hair down as I prefered, I had swept it up into a loose chignon, with wispy tendrils to either side of my face. A soft touch of corral lip colour- not really lipstick as I knew it, but a tinted cream that was pretty none the less- and I was about ready to face the throngs of nobles.

      _Ah, crap! I gotta deal with nobles!_

     I'd have turned back to hide in my room behind a locked door, and possibly a blocking armoire, if Anders hadn't come out of his room just then. I was taken aback at just how beautiful he looked. Hawke had obviously been buying clothes for him, since his usual linen trousers and shirt were missing, in favour of soft tan leather breeches and vest over a cream silk shirt. Darker brown leather boots encased his leanly muscled legs with matching gloves tucked into a pocket. He'd even shaved, his face smooth and a touch reddened from the scrape of the razor.

     He was beautiful. And standing there, mouth agape, eyes wide, and staring at me.

     "What? Something between my teeth?" I joked nervously, using my tongue to probe at a molar.

     "You. You look..."

     "Yeah, I know, all girly-fied and ridiculous."

     "No. You look beautiful."

     His voice was, if I didn't know better, awe-filled. Taking a good look I realized that he really meant it. I blushed under his gaze as he moved towards me and offered his arm. "M'Lady? Care to allow me to escort you down the stairs?"

     I grinned up at him. God, is he ever tall."But of course, messer. I would be honoured." I slid my hand to the crook of his elbow and we descended to the main foyer.

     Hawke exited the study as we reached the ground and I was struck by how lucky I was to have been accepted by these two beautiful men. Garrett's hair was still damp from a recent bath, dark and shining. He, too, sported simple breeches, vest and shirt, in shades of navy and maring blue that brought out the deep colour of his eyes. Without a word, he took my cloak, draping it around my shoulders before leaning in to place a chaste kiss on my forehead. _Damn! I must really look good to have rendered Garrett speechless._

    Anders, on the other hand, received a full kiss on the lips that had me aroused within moments. _Damn, but that ws hot!_ I had become so distracted I didn't notice when the boys parted and donned their cloaks for the trip to the Keep.

     "Selena? You okay?" Anders asked, moving into my field of vision, breaking me from my quite erotic little daydream.

     "Hmm? Wha- oh! Yes. Yes, let's go." I stammered.

     Garrett chuckled. "Bet you were thinking some very dirty thoughts there, weren't you? Maybe something along the lines of the three of us-"

     "Stop it."

     "-all hot and sweaty-"

     "Stop it!"

     "-and naked-"

     "Damn it, Garrett, stop it!" I yelled, flushing horribly from embarassment, and not a little arrousal. _Great! Now I'm all horny and my smalls are damp._

     Hawke continued to chuckle to himself while Anders shot him a dirty look before reoffering his arm. "Come on. We'll just leave the idiot here and go to the Hanged Man. Show Lowtown that we can clean up all right."

     "No, I promise, I'll be good." Garrett laughed, tucking my other hand into his arm so that I was between them. Fluttering his lashes in a horrible mimicry of Isabela, he whispered. "Give me a couple hours, I can be really good."

     I laughed, punching his arm as we went out into the rainy streets of Hightown.

            *************************************************************************

     "So this is the lovely Selena of which you told me so much," a voice spoke from behind. We were in the Viscount's ballroom, sipping at sparkling wine as we watched others twirl across the dance floor. I learned early on that I sucked at the chorographed dances that were apparently the norm at this sort of affair, and so Garrett and Anders were keeping me entertained on the sidelines, watching the nobles mince amongst each other.

     I was first struck by just how huge the Viscount's Keep really was. In the game, you basically had the entry hall, where we had been greeted, our cloaks taken and drinks served, then the Guard baracks were to the right, Viscount's offices to the left, and throne room straight ahead. In fact , there were doors leading off to the Viscount's living quarters, something akin to a boardroom and the ballroom, as well as several other areas that I had yet to explore.

     The ballroom, itself, was massive, a glittering mass of white marble and gilded columns that blinded with the light of a multitude of chandeliers. I shuddered to think of the number of candles that were needed to light the room in this way.

     I turned to the voice and found myself face to face with Marlowe Dumar, Kirkwall's illustrious Viscount. Even dressed for the fetivities and flush from the wine, Marlowe looked tired. I immediately felt for the man. It couldn't be easy to rule this city, especially since he had basically been placed in the seat at Knight-Commander Meredith's choosing. Trying to make the best of the situation, knowing that you didn't really earn your seat.

     "Ah, Dumar!" Hawke cried, reaching out to shake the man's hand. "Nice party you've got going! Could do without all the stuck ups and a bit more ale, but not bad."

     The Viscount stared at Hawke a moment before bursting out with laughter. "Yes, definitely could do without the stuck ups but there'd be even more bitching to listen to if I didn't invite them."

     "True, true. Well, Marlowe Dumar, I would like to officially introduce you to Sellena of Lothering. Soon to be my wife." We'd agreed on Lothering as being my home some time ago, if anyone should inquire. It was easest to pretend I was a refugee from Hawke's home village to explain why I was living at the- _wait, WHAT?_

     I stared up at Garrett in shock, nearly spilling my glass until Anders reached out and took it from me. He, too, look a bit surprised at this announcement. Garrett just beemed down at me as though he had told the best joke.

     "Congratulations, my dear," Marlowe said, taking my hand and kissing the back of it. "I hope to be invited to the wedding."

     "Oh, you will be, Marlowe. Don't you fret." Garrett was evidently loving my shock, placing a hand to the small of my back as the Viscount moved away and placing a brief kiss to the top of my head.

     I pulled back quickly. "What the hell, Hawke?" I hissed. "Why would you lie like that to the Viscount? Now he's expecting a wedding, for Christ's sake!"

     "Who sayd I'm lying," he replied, suddenly serious, taking my hand and looking my straight in the eye. "You need a closer tie to me than just living in the house. You're all alone in this world, and if something were to happen to me- Maker forbid- I want to be sure you're taken care of."

     I just looked up at him, shocked at this confession. The lack of shock from Anders told me that they had discussed this amongst themselves already. They just hadn't bothered to talk to me. Anders reached out to take my elbow and I jerked away from the both of them.

     "I- I just need to -" I couldn't finish my sentence, just rushed from the room, as quickly as these damned slippered feet could take me. I rushed heedless of where I was going, eventually making my way into a small library, dark but for a couple of candles. _What the fuck? What did he just...What the fuck just happened in there?_

     I threw myself down in a nearby chair, thick leather sighing as it settled. Beautiful but stupid. That's the kind of men I've somehow been saddled with. _Dammit to hell! that is NOT how you go about proposing to a girl!_

     A soft cough from farther in the room caught my attention and I peered into the gloom trying to find the source. A shadowed figure was sitting closer to the book shelves, face hidden but a large tome evident in his lap. The figure reached out to a candle, pulling it closer that we both could see. He was young, younger than I anyway, with thick, unkempt black hair and piercing turquoise eyes. His wrinkled doublet, in an unfortunate shade of teal, may have made his skin look sallow, but made the colour of his eyes pop.

     "I apologize," I said, standing to move to the door. "I didn't realie there was anyone here. I'll...I'll just go."

     "No, please," the boy replied, waving a hand to a chair closer to his own. "Join me, please. It's not often that I meet anyone worth speaking with at these damned parties."

     I smiled at that and settled in the chair he had indicated. "I'm Selena, a guest of Garrett Hawke's"

     "Ah, yes. Hawke. Quite the interesting man. I'm Saemus."

     "Nice to meet you, Saemus," I answered, reaching out to shake his hand. He looked surprised for a moment, then smiled and returned the gesture. "So what are you reading this evening?"

     It was nice spending time with the Viscount's boy. He was open and curious about my life and his own, making no pretense over being heir to the throne. When I explained to him aobut Garrett's ham fisted proposal, he declared that the next time he saw the man, Hawke would be sporting new bruises for abusing my honour as he did. I laughed, knowing that Hawke would certainly not be harmed by the boy, but loving that Saemus felt the need to protect me so soon after our meeting. We chatted about the Qunari and his admiration of them. I was taken by the vehemence of his responses to my queries and knew that this was no passing fancy for him. This was something that he was seriously thinking of following, knowing that it would be for the rest of his life. He truly believed in the philosophioes of the Qun.

     Neither of us realized just how much time had passed until we heard a sharp exclamation behind us at the door. "There you are!" said the Viscount. "Have you any idea how frantic your boys are just now, unable to find you?"

     I stood and turned with a sheepish smile. "My apologies, your Grace. I was simply distractingly entertained by your son." I turned to give the boy my hand in a firm handshake. "Do you think they've suffered enough, Saemus?"

     He turned my wrist to softly kiss my knuckles with a flourishing bow. "I believe that I have monopolized enough of your time in either case."

     "Oh, you're good. Very smooth," I giggled, before turning to brush past Dumar. "Watch out for him, serrah, or he'll be having horde's of young ladies filling the halls of the Keep in no time."

     Father and son were left laughing as I made my way back intot he main part of the Viscount's Keep. Unknowingly, I had found myself in the Viscount's private library in my wanderings. It was no wonder that Garrett and Anders had been unable to find me.

     When I found myself on the landing overlooking the main foyer, I stopped. There were Anders and Garrett, the latter pacing frantically while the former tried to soothe him. My breath caught as I realized that this was a scene akin to when we had gone in search of Anders. Garrett was scared. Scared that he had done something that would be unforgivable to someone he cared about. And that meant that he cared about me. Really cared. As much as Anders, cared about me.

     When the healer looked up and spotted me, he smiled. He knew, and it was okay. I began the walk down the stairs, watching the boys as I went. Anders touched Garrett's shoulder and nodded towards me. Hawke spun, wild eyed and flushed to see me coming down to them. Without thought he ran forwards, up the stairs until he could fling his arms around me, burying his head into my stomach from the stairs below me.

     "I'm sorry," he mumbled into the silk. "I thought it would be a great surprise! But I suck at surprises, don't I? Please forgive me. We don't have to marry if you don't want. I don't want to push."

     I sighed with a smile and gently touched his back, making him look up at me. "You are such a ninny, you know that? You most certainly suck at surprises, I'll give you that. Now, straighten up! The three of us are going to go home, lounge around in our finery, and drink a shit load of wine. In a few days, we'll talk aobut this whole marriage thing, okay?"

     Garrett nodded, wide eyed like a chastised child, standing straighter and trying unsuccessfully to flatten his now unruly hair.

     "The engagement's not official anyway," I giggled. "You never gave me a ring."


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW material ahead!

     "Are you sure you're ready, Sebastian?"

     "Aye. As ready as I'll ever be." I nodded to the Chantry priest and approached the door of the Harriman estate. I knew it would be empty upon arrival, but Sebastian had no clue as to my previous knowledge and I really didn't feel like trying to explain everything to him right now. So cautious entry it was.

     We were a group of five today. Sebastian and I would be handling long range, though I could defend us if someone got too close. Anders took care of our magical and healing needs, while Hawke and Fenris were our muscle. It was a well-rounded group and I felt good about our ability to fight together. Admittedly, this would be a first forray for Sebastian, but I knew he could hold his own.

     At first, I had thought about taking a couple of the guys and finishing this on our own. But then I realized that Sebastian really needed to see for himself that the perpatrators of his family's death had been dealt with. That, in the end, if justice didn't come at his own hand, he would never feel as though it had really been done. _Foreshadowing, Selena_ , I thought to myself with a shudder. _Cut that out._

     Hawke and I took lead, mostly because he always lead and I had a general idea of where we were going. Fenris covered our backs while Anders and Sebastian stayed central, ready to cover long range. After going up stairs, then down stairs, then around blind corner after blind corner, I decided that all Teventer Architects were a bunch of drunken idiots. We ended up having to follow the sound of Flora Harriman's screaming at a wine cask to find her.

     "She can't hear me!" Sebastian cried in frustration. I reached out to place a comforting hand on his arm, only to see Garrett's brows dipp and take a small step closer. Wow, he really didn't like me getting too close to Sebastian. Soemthing I'd have to ponder at a later time. Right now, we still had Brett and Ruxton to find.

     The smell of fire lead us to Brett, along with a couple of elvehn servants. A large iron pot sat over a fire built in the middle of the dining hall floor, filled with rapidly melting gold. Brett was pacing, agitated that they needed more gold while the male servant, eyes glazed, held a short sword tot he throat of the other. Brett had no clue we were there, but the elves did, and Sebastian was forced to lay the one out cold to free the other.

     I admit it. It was pretty hot. A bit too much swing in the carry through, but effective none the less. Just not something he'd want to continue for long term or he'd tear his rotator cuff- having an ex-husband that was into boxing had taught me a thing or two.

      Ruxton Harriman was a bit of an eye opener. In the game, he still wore his pants and there was supposed to be not much more than over-the-clothes felacio going on. What we walked into was nowhere near that tame. An elvehn woman was chained face down over a tall bench, legs akimbo and strapped to immobility. What I could see of her back was covered in bruises, both old and fresh, drying semen and a multitude of cuts, all oozing blood. Ruxton was nude, fucking her ass with abandon, leaning down to lick whatever fluids he could reach, then slicing her anew with a small letter opener.

     Before the rest of us could react, Hawke had slammed his shield directly into Ruxton's face, sending the man flying to slump unconscious one the floor. "Anders!"

     The mage moved forward, healing powers already forming at his finger tips while I slipped down to begin work on the poor woman's shackles.

     "I'm so sorry, Hawke! I would never have believed this of Ruxton Harriman. He's such a...well, a prude!" Sebastian said softly, frowning down at his former friend.

    "It's the quiet ones you've gotta watch out for," Garrett reassured him. "Don't worry. It's not like this something we haven't seen before."

     Except that I knew it was something he'd never seen, and that later tonight, when all was said and done, it would hit him just how bad this really was.

     I managed to get the last lock undone just as Anders had the poor woman healed enough that she could slip into her clothing and make a run for it. All I could do was hope that maybe later we could find her in the Alienage and make sure she was all right. I turned to take in the members of our party to see how they were dealing with things. Anders had moved over to Garrett, the two holding each other. Sebastian was kneeling, hands clasped, praying to the Maker for the girl's recovery. Fenris was- _SHIT! Fenris!_

     The elf stood, staring blankly at the chains and blood still left on the bench, eyes glazed and shaking. We was gone, lost in a memory of Denarius. I approached him slowly, hands away from my sides to show I was unarmed, not that he could really see it. "Fenris?" I said softly, taking another step closer. "Fenris, it's Selena. Can you hear me?"

     The others looked towards us, Anders taking a step before I shooed him back. Fenris nodded imperceptably. "Fenris, I'm going to step in front of the bench, all right? I want you to look at me. Not anything else, okay?"

     Again he nodded, a little stronger this time. I side stepped into his field of vision and it was as though all the tension that had been there eased out of him. Of course, that tension was all that was keeping him upright and I had to jump forward to catch him about the waist. Damned elf was heavier than he looked and the two of us ended up on our knees, his face pressed to my chest to keep from seeing the torturous device behind me.

     We stayed this way for some minutes, holding each other as I whispered soothing nonsense and stroked his hair. Thankfully, one of the boys thought to cover the bench with a sheet, though some of the blood was fresh enough to seep through. Eventually Fenris stopped shaking and took a deep, calming breath.

     "I apologize," he said softly. "I was...surprised. It will not happen again."

     "It's all right, Fenris. I understand. Better than you think," I told him, brushing a strand of white hair back behind his ear. He shuddered at the touch, then gave me a slight quirk of the lips that I knew to be one of his smiles.

     "We should move on," he said, standing, then reaching to help me as well.

     "Definitely. I want this over and done with as soon as possible. Onwards and downwards, gentleman."

     The wine cellar, the first real test of Sebastian's ability to fight amongst us, went off with barely a hitch. The Harriman children began their babbling, but I didn't really need to listen to that again,so I used that time to find Sebastian's Grandfather's bow, tucking it in with my own to give to the prince at a later time.

     Then came the shades and desire demon. A lowly one to start with, relatively weak, but still good practice for Sebastian. I watched him as we worked. It didn't take him long to get a good feel for how the others fought, anticipating where they would be, firing only where they weren't. And he was a dead bang shot, too. Better than me, anyway.

     "Hey, Vael," I called, firing into the eye of a shade about to try sneaking up on Anders.

     "Yes, dearest lady?" _Thwip_ ,heart shot, another one down.

     "How about a game? Most kills, loser buys first round at the Hanged Man tonight?"

     Sebastian seemed to think about it for a moment, then reached into his quiver, pulling out three arrows at once, fitting them to the string and letting fly in a heart beat. _Thwip, thwip, thwip_. Heart, heart, eye. "I do believe I accept your wager, serrah."

      _Well, damn!_

                  *************************************************************************

    _Scratch of beard brushing between my legs. Tingle of magic from the cock between my lips. Deep growl from the lips at my breast. It was amazing, rapturous, everything I could possibly want._

_NO! It's wrong! This isn't the way things are!_

_*Oh, but they could be*_

_Sweet mouth latched onto my clit, tingle of lit lyrium upon my other breast, a wash of the cool peppermint feeling over my entire body._

_*Isn't this what you dreamed about, back in your old life? It could all be yours.*_

     "Fuck! Allure's got Selena!"

    _No! It's not right! They're nothing but puppets your way! It won't be real!_

_*But 'real' saw you beaten, alone and penniless. This will see you loved.*_

_No, it will see me enslaved._

     "How do we free her?"

     "Kill the demon!"

     I could hear them, like a whisper on the wind, screaming their rage at the desire demon. I faintly felt my body fall to the hard packed earth of the buried ritual chamber. And I knew that if I was to be free, I would have to fight her here.

     Where before I was nude and surrounded by my men, I was now armed and armored, Speed and Agility at the ready. No arrows against this bitch. I wanted to get down and dirty.

     She stood before me, six feet of tits and ass and horn and tail. How anyone found that desirable I would never know.

    _*Come, child, you know that you desire to be loved. Truly loved. Why not let me make that happen?*_

_Because it wouldn't be love. It would be slavery of the basest kind. I feinted left, then stabbed right, catching the demon across the hip. That's not the way I want to live my life._

_*Foolish mortal!* she cried, pushing a wave of force magic that had me sommersaulting backwards away from her. *I have lived for thousands of years! No one can resist me!*_

     I pushed up, flipping behind the demon to slash her twice across the spine, jumping out of reach before she could swipe at me with her long talons. _Damn! I wish the guys could see this!_

     It became the death of a thousand cuts. I would dodge in, slice at the bitch, then rollout before she could lay a claw on me. I wasn't without wounds, of course. Seh was a powerful demon, after all, with a lot of magic at her control. But she was fighting on two fronts- here in the dream with me and out there in the real world with the boys. Eventually she was forced to relinquish control of the Fade and I woke to screaming and the clash of metal and shield.

     I sat up, slowly. I was going to have a whopper of a migraine later, let me tell you. Anders was closest, half a foot from my side, shielding me best he could. Vael was slightly behind, arrows flying to strike the demon again and again. Fenris and Garrett were as close as they could get to her, unrelenting strikes raining down.

     I reached out blindly and found a dagger close to hand. _Good, Agility_. Don't ask me how I knew, but it was the perfect weapon for what I was going to do.

     As loudly as my torn throat could, I yelled "Down!" No pause, perfect precision, my warriors were flat to the ground, splayed as low as they could go. Agility flew from my fingers, straight into the demon's heart. She screamed and clutched at it before falling to the ground in a lifeless puddle. The boys all turned as one to stare at me, anders going so far as to kneel down and rest a hand across my back.

     "Selena? Sweetheart? Are you all right?" Anders asked softly, fingers aglow with cool healing power.

     "That damned bitch got into all my dirty thoughts," I chuckled softly. _Well, fuck. My smalls are all wet again,_ I thought to myself before promptly passing out.


	13. Chapter 13

     "She'll be fine. Go home and get some rest."

     "I shall stay."

     "She's just exhausted from fighting that demon. I promise that she'll be okay."

     "And I said I shall stay, mage."

     "Ugh! Fine. But if you wake her I'm setting your ass on fire!"

             ********************************************************************

     Someone had left the curtains open and now that damned sun was shining in my eyes. I started to roll from the bed when it dawned on me that I shouldn't be here. My eyes snapped open, then immediately shut to filter the skull searing light. _Why does it feel like I have the mother of all hangovers without the great night before?_

     I tried again, more slowly this time. Okay, I had somehoe made it into my room at the estate and -I wiggled my fingers and toes- seem to be none the worse for wear. I ached all over and had a killer headache, but those would disappear over time. I could deal with it.

     I pulled away my blankets and looked down. Okay, someone changed me into a night dress. Not sure I really wanted to know who that might have been. At least I still seemed to be wearing smalls, wonder of wonders. So it probably wasn't Hawke that changed clothes. I chuckled at the thought.

     "Selena?" I turned to see Fenris, Anders' desk chair pulled up to the side of the bed. He was sitting ramrod straight, hands clenched in his lap as though fighting not to move them. He was looking down at me in concern, so I smiled up at him reassuringly.

     "Hey," I tried to say, only realizing at that point that my throat felt like I'd been screaming at a week long football match. Fenris jumped up, pouring me a small wooden cup of water from the nightstand, then easing me into a sitting position before helping me to sip it down.

     "Anders has asked that I fetch him when you woke," he said after I lay back down. Damn! I felt worse than I thought. "Is there anything you need?"

     I shook my head and he was gone. I wondered why he had been here, sitting vigil as it were. Had I been that bad? Were they afraid of a relapse or something?

     Before I had a chance to delve any further, Anders appeared in the doorway, followed by Fenris and Hawke. The mage was smiling, which definitely put me at ease. _Couldn't be life threatening if the healer was smiling, right_?

     "Well, good morning, sweetheart," he exclaimed jovially, claiming Fenris' forgotten seat and placing a hand on my brow. "How are you feeling, other than half dead?"

     "Funny," I croaked, mock scowling. Anders smiled as his tingly blue healing magic began it's slow descent down my body. Hawke laughed and Fenris frowned. All was normal with the world. I sighed as my eyelids slid closed. _Nothing could go wrong now, right?_

              ************************************************************************

    _Everything was a shattering, searing green light. The land twisted and turned with no purpose, fading away and coming into focus at random. I stood on the edge of a massive cliff of deep green rock, overlooking a boiling ocean of green water. I was nude, save for a forest green cloak the was long enough to pool around my feet._

_Beside me stood another figure, also cloaked, hood pulled up to conceal their face.I didn't know who this figure might be, but I felt safe, secure that they menat me no harm._

_We stood on the cliff and watched the torrential landscape roil before us. Eventually, the figure sturned to me slightly, still concealed from my questing eyes._

_*Do you know where we are, Selena?" they asked. and it was 'they'. A multitude of voices, male and female, old and young, came from their lips. And it was beautiful._

_*The Fade, I suppose,* I replied, looking back out to shifting water. *In a matter of speaking. This is what will happen to Thedas unless you are able to complete the tasks put before you."_

_I turned to stare at the figure in shock. *What do you mean? This isn't Thedas!"_

_*Not yet. But if you are unable to complete what has been set before you, then the Inquisitor will be unable to complete her own tasks and all of Thedas will perish.*_

     "What the fuck happened?!"

     "I'm not sure. She's begun seizing! I need you to grab her ankles, Fenris get her upper body. Hold her down while I figure this out!"

    _The cloaked figure turned and began making their way down the now visible path away from the edge and I rushed to catch up._

_*Wait! Why am I here? Why are you showing me this?*_

_*You need to be aware of the consquences of your actions. Or inactions. Be prepared, Earth Child. The world I created hangs in the balance.*_

            **********************************************************************************

     I opened my eyes more slowly this time and was greeted by three very handsome, very worried faces. I smiled, though every muscle in my body was screaming as though I'd run a marathon with no training.Anders' magic curled around me once again and I sighed in pleasure when my pains eased away.

     "Well if you're that desperate not to talk to us, you just had to say," Hawke said, smiling, settling down at the end of the bed, hand resting on my feet while Anders continued to work near my head

"Sorry. Wasn't a planned exit," I answered, wiggling the digits beneath his hand.

"That's all right, love. Apparently your tussle with Allure took more out of you that I thought," Anders said, pulling his magic back, making me feel almost ready to take on the world. "It's my fault."

"Don't be stupid, Anders!" I exclaimed, sitting up and flinging the blankets from me. "You couldn't have realized that I'd pass out again, and if I hear that come out of your mouth again, I swear I will put you over my knee and smack you!"

Hawke laughed uproariously/ "Careful! he just might like that!" And the spreading blush told me that Garrett was right.

"All right, boys, what's on tap for today?" I asked, making my way to my armoire for clothing. Anders came up behind me, taking a hold of my shoulders and steering me back to bed.

"Rest for you, love. You had a Void taken day yesterday and managed to have a seizure this morning." I sputtered as ha manhandled to get me to sit on the bed. "Garrett is taking Leandra to some luncheon or other and I've got to put some hours in at the clinic. You are going to lie here and think about what you did."

"You are such a prat, Anders!"

Hawke was laughing hard enough that tears were beginning to stream down his face when he stood and took Anders' arm, leading him to the door. "Comeo on, gorgeous, before she makes good on her threat to spank you!"

The boys were gone before I realized that Fenris was still in the room. "Fenris? Are you okay?"

"I would stay."

I looked the elf over with curiousity. He was leaning against the wall near the door, head bowed and staring at the floor. His shoulders were slumped as though the weight of the world were upon them. 

”Come sit with me here on the bed. Anders can’t bitch that I’m not resting if I stay here and we can’t talk if you’re way over there.” I patted the other side of the mattress, then snuggled into my pillows as the elf made himself comfortable.

     We sat in silence for a time, watching the light filter through my window, before he spoke.

     ”I am sorry.”

     ”For what?” I asked, turning slightly towards him.  
     ”I froze. At the Harriman’s. You were forced to talk to me down.” He looked down at the clenched fists in his lap, refusing to meet my eyes.  
    “I wasn’t ‘forced’ to do anything, Fenris. You were hurting and needed a friend to help you, that’s all.” I reached out and lightly touched his leather clad arm. He flinched slightly but did not pull away.  
     ”And is that what you are? My friend?”  
     ”I would like to think so. And as my friend, how about helping me escape this place for a few hours?”  
     ”No.”  
     ”Well, fuck.”


	14. Chapter 14

     Hawke and I were on our way to the Chantry to check on Sebastian when it dawned on me. There might be a way to find and deal with Varnell without resorting to waiting for Petrice or for the qunari delagation to go missing.

     "Hawke?" I started, "If I were a disgruntled Kirkwaller, pissed that the Qunari were converting Andrastians into the Qun, where do you think I would find followers to help me weed out their threat?"

     Garrett lurched to a stop and stared at me for a moment, first in horror, then brows drawn deep in thought. "I guess where the most devout Andrastians would be."

     "Exactly. So do you think it might be possible to infiltrate their ranks?"

     "Why would you- this is one of those future things again, isn't it? Something I should just nod about and say 'yes dear'?" he quirked his lips in a smile.

     "Hey! You're learning!" I smirked up at him, reaching up to scratch at his beard. "You'll make a good husband yet!"

     He leaned down, breath warm against my cheek. "I'd make an amazing husband if you'd let me."

     A shudder of pure pleasure raced straight to my groin. The remembered feel of rough beard between my legs had me pale and shaking. I had to grip his arm to keep my knees from buckling with the impact of near orgasm just from the thought.

     "Shit!" I heard him exclaim. "Are you okay? Do you need to sit down?"

     I shook my head, more to clear out lascivious thoughts of Garrett lying on his back in the middle of the square, riding him like a damned thoroughbred. _Remeber that one for tonight, you horny bitch._ "No, sorry. I'm good. I'm good."

     "You're better than good, love." he waggled his brows in that jokingly lascivious manner.

     I slapped his arm in play. "Cut that out, or I swear I will strip you down and take you right here."

     "Oooh! Take me, baby, take me."

     I turned and began my ascent of the Chantry steps. "The Maker is watching you and shaking his head at a recalcitrant child."

     "Oh, you love me and you know it."

     The inside of the Chantry reminded me very much of the old Catholic churches I attended as a child. The smell of sandalwood incense and burning candles was pallatable, the light dim so as not to reflect too oppulently over the expanse of gilding everywhere. Huge statues of Andraste and her disciples filling any and every available space. There was soft murmuring by Sisters and parishioners and not-so-subtle Mother giving an acolyte a dressing down for spilling wine on the stairs.

    I took a deep breath of heavy air and closed my eyes. Yep, it was like being eight at my first communion all over again. I spotted Sebastian right off when I opened my eyes, up on the second tier, leaning over the rail. His hands were clasped in prayer and his lips moved subtly in the Chant. Damn. I had hoped, since I ended up taking the brunt of Allure's power, that he might not be so....well, so Sebastian about the whole thing. Stupid thought, I guess.

     We climbed to short flight of stairs, careful to avoid the spilled wine- and it was a lot of wine. What was someone doing carrying that much up a flight of stairs?- and approached the Chantry Brother slowly. He turned when he saw us coming, and his eyes were filled with such sadness, I just wanted to hold him and tell him it would be all right. I swear it's the mother coming out in me.

     "Hawke! Mistress Selena, how are you?" he asked, reaching out to take my hands in his in greeting.

     I could feel Garrett bristle at the contact though Sebastian seemed not to notice.

     "I'm well, Sebastian. Thank you." I pulled back, resting my back lightly against Hawke's chest in reassurance. "How are you?"

     "I had hoped that prayer would cleanse me of the desire demons touch, but it hasn't” he sighed, looking down at his clenched hands. “I'm surprised either of you want anything to do with me. “

     “What are you talking about, man?” Hawke asked incredulously. “Nothing about that place was your fault.”

      “You didn't see what the demon showed me, Hawke. I feel as though I've bathed in filth that will never come off.”

     “Try washing behind the ears,” I said, as seriously as I could while trying not to giggle. “Evil usually gets stuck there.”

     Sebastian's head whipped up, staring at me in confusion before finally smiling. Garrett, on the other hand, had no problem laughing as though it were the funniest joke in the world. He leaned down and kissed me on the cheek. “Keep making me laugh, Starlight. You know how I love it.”

     I rolled my eyes at his antics. “Sorry about that, Sebastian. He's not much more than a giant child some days.”

     The Chantry brother sighed as his smile eased from his lips, turning back towards the rail. “The demon wasn't wrong about me, you know.” I hadn't actually heard her prattling to Sebastian and the others, but I knew what he was talking about so I kept my mouth shut. “I used to envy my brothers, coveted what they had. Now I have everything and they lay in ashes.”

      “All right, that's enough of that,” I said, slipping my arm through his and pulling him away from the rail towards the stairs. “I believe I lost the bet, Brother Sebastian, and that means that I am buying first round at the Hanged Man. And you're in luck! It's Wicked Grace night and you get to meet the rest of the gang.”

     He tried protesting, he really did, but I just wasn't taking no for an answer. Even Garrett seemed pleased to get him out of the Chantry for a time, though he stayed closer to me than usual during our walk into Lowtown. A jealous Garrett is just adorable.

     The Hanged Man was packed with it's usual rag tag assortment of Lowtown citizens, loud on wine and poor on coin. Corff waved and Garrett returned the gesture, turning towards the bar to order our drinks. I may have been buying but Hawke knew to do the ordering or Corff had a tendency to get distracted. I blame the boobs.

     I continued to pull Sebastian up the back stairs up to Varric's room. I could hear them inside, bickering and laughing as they usually did. It was a warm and happy sound. Varric sat at the head of the the low stone table, Merrill to his right. Isabela was at his personal bar, a bottle of brandy already at ehr lips. Anders and Fenris were arguing, as always, fingers pointing into each others' chests, faces red and spittle flying.

     “Oh, you're here!” Merrill exclaimed, jumping up to wrap herself around my neck. I patted her a couple of times, then peeled her arms away.

     “Come on, Daisy. Off. I brought a guest.” I laughed.

     “Oh! I'm sorry, forgive me!” she cried, jumping back and looking at Sebastian with wide eyes. “Aren't you shiny! Doesn't the light reflecting off your armor make you a target?”

     “Sometimes,” Sebastian chuckled. “But the Maker is my armor.”

     Varric and I both rolled our eyes and laughed. “All right, everybody, this is Sebastian Vael, late of the Chantry and Prince of Starkhaven. Sebastian, you know the fighting couple over there-” I motioned to Fenris and Anders”- and here we have the enigmatic Varric Tethras and his beauty Bianca, the lush pirate Isabela, and the sweetest Dalish, Merrill.”

     I motioned to each in turn and they nodded and smiled, and Izzy gave a wolf whistle. Sebastian blushed but gave the proper greetings to each in turn. I motioned for him to sit next to Merrill while I took the other side of the table. “Garrett's coming with the drinks. In the meantime, I wanted to talk to you about something, Varric. Get your opinion.”

     “Of course, Starlight. Whatever you need.” he replied, lovingly rubbing wood oil into Bianca's stock.

     “I need to find a way to infiltrate a group bent on turning all of Kirkwall against the Qunari. The ringleaders are a Chantry Mother named Petrice and a Templar, Varnell.”

     “Sweet Maker!” Sebastian exclaimed. “How is this possible?”

     “If I start talking to you about that, Sebastian, we're going to come to blows and that's the last thing I want. What I want to know is how I go about doing this. I've never done anything like this before. And it has to be me.”

     “What? Why?” Hawke cried, standing in the doorway, arms full of ale tankards. He approached and hurriedly placed them on the table, then placed his hands down flat to lean towards me. “Petrice is a fanatic. You can't go in there by yourself.”

     “Oh, I have no intention of finishing this by myself, Garrett,” I replied with a smile. “But I need to get into their little group and find out where they're going to meet before they're able to get their hands on any of the Qunari. Unfortunately, Petrice knows you, Garrett, and elves and dwarves are a no no. Izzy's useless for subtlety-”

     “Hey!” the pirate cried in mock indignation.

     “-sorry, Iz, but it's true. Petrice knows Sebastian so he's out, and Aveline is too well known as the law-and-order Guard Captian.”

     “Well, then, what about Anders?” I glanced to where the mage and elf were still arguing, a little more vehemently than before.

     “Didn't Anders go with you to deal with Ketojan?”

     Hawke looked surprised for a moment, then smiled. “I keep forgetting that you know things. No, Anders got called away at the last minute for a difficult birth. I brought Merrill instead.”

     “Okay, if he's willing I'll bring Anders with-”

     “We're not all evil oppressors!” Anders cried, waving a finger in Fenris' face, which of course did not sit well. The elf had begun to glow, a deep growl reverberating throughout the room. _Oh shit! This is not going to end well!_ “You can't assume all mages are magisters!”

     I didn't think, just moved. I had to get between them before hearts were removed or the sparks flew. Back to Anders, face-to-face with Fenris, I didn't see his hand slide into my chest, only felt the vibrating heat, saw the sudden look of terror in the elf's eyes.

      There was screaming going on around me, shock and frantic fear, but all I could hear was our dual heartbeats- mine and Fenris'. His fingers brushed against my heart and it stuttered, making the world go momentarily grey, but it wasn't pain that I was feeling. It was as though a warm tingling balm had been wrapped around the organ. It felt wonderful.

     I stared into Fenris' eyes, reaching up to cup his cheek, stroking softly. I tried to tell him it was okay, that he didn't need to fear, but all I could seem to focus on was this delicious warmth. _Why the hell do your enemies scream when you do this_? I wanted to ask. _This feels..._

     The hand was pulled slowly from my chest. There was no sound, no tearing or blood. Just the sudden cessation of that beautiful heat. The loss made me want to weep and my knees weak. If Anders and Garrett hadn't been there, I would have fallen, but all I cared about was that Fenris was turning, running for the door.

     “Fenris, wait!” I cried, reaching out to his retreating form.

     He paused, turning towards me, eyes filled with sadness and remorse.

     “Please don't run. It was an accident and you didn't hurt me.” Anders scoffed but I ignored him. “I couldn't stand it if you disappeared.”

     Fenris stared, expressive eyes moving from terror to self-loathing and into resignation. He sighed, shaking his head, “I am going to the bar, Selena. I will not run.”

     I smiled. Maybe, just maybe, if I could keep him from running now, I could keep him from running later.


	15. Chapter 15

      Petrice's sermons were horrible, filled with vitriol and spite. She preached against any religion not of the Maker, though was especially vehement against the Qun. Anders and I were sitting with other Lowtown citizens, dressed to blend with the crowd, trying our damnedest not to burst out laughing at the ridiculousness of the whole thing. The woman was like a parody of the ultimate Disney villain and I couldn't seem to understand how these people could hang on her every word. I even had to surreptitiously nudge Anders in the ankle more than once when he silently sniggered.

     We'd attended three now, each one harder to listen to than the last. But today, we were to be introduced and hopefully we could finally take care of this stupidity once and for all. The sermon ended, the people beginning to file out to return to their everyday lives, Petrice and Varnell standing side by side at the nave, blessing the faithful that dared to approach. The two of us bowed when it was our turn, and I saw Petrice smirk from the corner of my eye.

      “Rise, children. There is no need to kneel,” she said in mock sincerity. You could practically hear it dripping from her mouth in sickly sweet lines.

     “Thank you, Mother Petrice. It's wonderful to hear someone speak the truth against those heathen horned bastards,” I said, clutching at her hand, my 'husband' halfheartedly pulling at my arms.

     “It's sad,” Petrice sighed dramatically. “People are so easily swayed to their indecent ways when if they just embraced the Maker, their spiritual needs could be met.”

     I nodded vehemently. I knew I was over selling it, but the idiot seemed to just lap it up, I couldn't help myself. “They took away my brother, they did! Away from his poor wife and son without a word!”

     “You poor dear,” Petrice cooed, patting my hand. She turned slightly to her counterpart. “Varnell? Do you think we might assuage this poor woman's fears this evening at the meeting?”

     The Templar seemed to think for a moment before nodding and drawing a small sheet of paper from his belt. He handed it to her, who tucked it into my hand. “These are directions to a rally being held this evening. Bring the sheet with you or they won't allow you entry. Eighth bell, no later.”

     I nodded and thanked her profusely before 'my husband' dragged me away, grumbling about missing work hours over my foolishness. We continued on this way until we could duck into the Hanged Man and make a mad dash up the stairs to Varric's suite, where we collapsed into chairs and laughed ourselves hoarse.

     Varric, seated as he usually was at the head of the table, simply rolled his eyes and continued writing. It took some time to calm our hysterics, laughing until we couldn't breathe, begin to calm down, then catch each others' eye and start all over. By the time we were finally coherent, Varric had finished whatever her had been working on, put his implements away and fetched tankards of Corff's least disgusting swill.

     “All right, you two, are we good now?” he asked with a smile, placing drinks before us. I giggled just a bit, but nodded my assent. Anders just took a swig from his mug, then nearly coughed it all back up again.”Pathetic, the two of you. May the Paragons shake their heads in shame.”

     “Yeah, yeah, dwarf. You weren't there to see the worst over acting in the history of the Maker. And then there was Selena!” Anders replied, grinning.

     “So do we know where they're meeting yet?” The dwarf slid back into his seat, “Or do we need to attend yet another terrible sermon.”

     “The rally's tonight. I was hoping to have a bit more time to scope the place out, but we can work around it.” I answered, sitting up straighter and downing the rest of my tankard. _Ugh! It's like drinking straight vinegar some days!_ “Anders, I need you to go to Hawke and let him know that tonight will be the night.”

     I found a second slip of paper in one of my pouches and- after stealing one of Varric's pens from the table to a loud 'Hey!'- wrote the address for the mage to take with him. “I'm going to get Fenris and Sebastian. Between the five of us we should be able to free the delegates before they come to lasting harm.” _I hope._

     Anders took the sheet with a frown, but nodded and walked out without a word. I sat in silence for a moment, then turned to the dwarf.“Varric? Could you do another favour for me? It might take a long time, or might not be possible, but I thought I'd give it a try. And you can't tell the rest of the guys, just in case it can't be done.”

     “Well with a lead up like that, how can I say no?” he chuckled, stroking his chest hair. “What do you need, Starlight?”

     “Well, I need you to find someone and I'm not even sure that they're in Kirkwall- or even the Free Marches really. Garrett has...a cousin.”

     “A cousin? Really? He's never mentioned it.”

     “That's because he doesn't know.”

     “Ah, it's one of those things, huh?” he smiled, waggling an eyebrow.

     “Yeah. Look, Gamlen was in love with a woman by the name of Mara, but he was totally obsessed with some stupid gem or other and she left him. The thing is, she was pregnant at the time and he didn't know. Mara had the baby by herself, a girl named Charade. I'm hoping maybe if you can find them, Garrett and Gamlen and Leandra will get to see them both before Mara dies.”

     Varric pulled out a second notebook, one of many throughout his suite and began to write. “Mara. Charade, Gamlen. Around how old?”

     “Around the same age as Garrett, give or take.”

     Varric continued writing what looked to be almost a list, before turning his attention back to me. “I think it might be doable, though if you can find surnames or where they might have gone it would make the process easier.”

     “Thank you, Varric!” I cried, standing and leaning down to hug the dwarf. “Now I gotta go get Fenris and Choir Boy and get to the rendezvous before the mob. See you after?”

     “Wouldn't miss it.”

                 ********************************************************************************

 

     “Ugh! I just stepped in...something.” Fenris hissed, scraping his foot clean on a wooden stair.

     “And who told you to come barefoot? Now hush, we're almost ready.” I whispered back to him. Voices echoed throughout our tunnel, only three or four men, guards for the Qunari kidnap victims.

     Once we knew where we were heading, Hawke, Fenris, Anders, Sebastian and I had reconnoitred the area, finding several tunnels near where the delegates were being held that we could use as ambush sites. I peeked out around the edge of the tunnel, spying Sebastian from his high vantage point and he nodded. Good, we were a go.

     I turned back to Fenris, reaching out to place a finger against his lips. His eyes widened in surprise but he didn't pull back, merely reaching out to hold my wrist “No matter what happens, you keep quiet, okay? If I get caught, I get caught. You wait until the rest get here and take them all out. No heroics.”

     The elf's brows drew down but he nodded. I knew he really didn't like this plan, would prefer to just wade in and destroy the people here and free the Qunari, but I didn't want the mob able to come after us at a later date. I moved to pull away, but Fenris did not relinquish my hand. Instead he pulled my palm closer to his mouth and laid down a gentle kiss. “Be safe.”

    _What the hell? The elf-?Okay, no. No time to worry about this now._ I returned to the mouth of our tunnel. Anders, up in a small loft with Sebastian, was already casting a light confusion spell to augment my sorely lacking stealth abilities. Something I was going to have to talk to Isabela about. I padded out as silently as I could, sticking to the shadows, moving to the side of one of the giant warriors, bound against a far wall.

     He spotted me, but said nothing when I held a finger to my lips. I reached into a belt pouch a pulled out a tiny knife, easily palmed if I was ever seen by the people I 'liberated' of their coin purses. Kept to a fine edge, it slipped easily through the Qunari's bonds, though I motioned for him not to move. I also cut the tie that bound his weapon from being drawn. These idiots had let the giant's keep their swords, probably so they would feel even more helpless. Sadistic assholes.

     I quickly moved down the line, five in all, the last being the Sten delegate, purveyor of words for the Arishok. I was about to cut the tie to his sword when the cry went up. Fuck! I turned just in time to see a pommel coming down. I twisted as much as I was able, taking the brunt to the back of my head instead of a possible killing blow to the temple.

     Stars exploded in front of my eyes and dancing dots of darkness filled my field of vision. I fell face first into the hard packed earth and felt the crunch that screamed broken nose. _Dammit that hurt!_ I didn't realize that I had also blacked out until I heard the droning voice of Varnell telling his fanatics how much they were better than the hated Qunari. _Okay, so they stuck to the plan. Good. Kill 'em all guys._

     “And then they pull one of the faithful into their depravity. Risking her immortal soul in an attempt to free them.” _Shit, that's me_. I realized that my arms were now bound, hanging above my head on a hook of some sort. My shoulders were screaming from being pulled out of alignment, my head no better for it's throbbing. The Templar stood in front of me, my own little knife to my throat. I turned my head as much as I was able without slicing myself and looked over the Qunari. Knowing what I was looking for, I could see that they were still pretending to be bound, no one had bothered to even check and I grinned. _Idiots._

     My eye glanced up to the loft and I spotted Anders looking at me with worry. I nodded slightly, even though it pushed the tip if the blade into the skin. Varnell never noticed, too busy ranting about the evils of the Qun.

     The fight was over almost before it began. A smoke bomb from Sebastian was all the warning the mob had before all hell broke loose. Anders' magic rained fire and lightning down upon them, roars from Hawke and Fenris- not to mention the now free-to-act Qunari- as people were shredded, arrows slicing into those farther back from the fray.

     It was Garrett that came for me from the smoke, smiling through a mask of blood, thankfully none of it his own. I smiled through the pain and his broadened as he reached up to carefully free my arms and take the weight of my body in his. Wrists still bound, I placed my arms around his neck and burrowed my face into his shoulder.

     “Well, that was fun,” he chuckled softly.

     “Remind me to hit you later.” I whispered, breathing deeply of the scent that was so very Hawke. “Asshole.”

     He laughed.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW!!!!! That are shmexsy times ahead!
> 
> You have been properly warned.

     Anders sentenced me to two weeks house arrest, or 'bed rest' as he sadistically put it. The first day or so was fine. Even with his healing, my arms and head were screaming for a Tylenol, the closest to which is some vile concoction called willow bark tea. I didn't want to insult Leandra when she brought it to me, but ugh!Then she tried having me chew a leaf called feverfew and that was just as bad, but with the added bonus of bits of leaf stuck in my teeth.

     After Anders went to the clinic on day three, I convinced Garrett that 'bed rest' could also mean 'couch rest' and escaped to the study. At least here there were books to read and a fire going and people to talk to. Or at least the dog and Sandal. Leandra spent many of her hours out to tea with friends or volunteering her time at the Chantry. Those things that proper highborn ladies do, I guess. Not being one myself, I hadn't really a clue. Hawke spent most days out taking jobs. Little things mostly, bandits and the like.

     The gang came by to visit most days. Varric had, as yet, had no luck finding Mara, so I sent him on a new chase for Wall-Eyed Sam. At least there I had a bit more background information for him. Hopefully it wouldn't take too long and I could start the Qunari on their way home without a war.

     Aveline sat with me briefly, mostly to discuss the operation to free the delegates. I let her know which of her men had helped in the kidnapping and she informed me that they were able to capture more fanatics that had arrived after the guard. No Petrice though. Damned woman!

     Merrill brought me a plant. It was in a small earthenware pot and was barely a shoot, but she told me that the flower that bloomed from it would match me perfectly. I haven't the foggiest idea what she meant by that and she wouldn't elaborate, but it was probably one of the sweetest gifts I've ever been given.

     Izzy brought me booze and porn.

     Okay, it was good booze. Starkhaven single malt whiskey that smelled like heaven and kicked like a mule on meth. And the porn was a collection of her friend-fics. Complete with hand drawn pictures. Very graphic pictures that had me blushing down to the root. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and groped a boob in thanks. She purred and licked the tip of my ear as she left.

     Now it was day seven and I was bored to tears. And drunk. And horny as hell. Anders was doing some work with the Mage Underground, Leandra had gone to Lady Rothschild's for the night and Hawke was on some job or other. Bodahn and Sandal were in their own apartment for the evening and even Spirit had opted to stay in his master's rooms that night. I was utterly alone.

     I hate being alone.

     Oh, I'm fine by myself when out walking around or going to the bar or even at home with the television or radio on. But there was no TV, no radio, no noise other than my own breathing. So to fill the silence, I had uncorked the whiskey and started reading out loud from Izzy's book. Stupid mistake, that one. The juicier it got, the more I drank. The more I drank, the juicier the stories seemed to get. I couldn't stand it any more.

     The fic I was working on now was a thinly veiled romp between Garrett and Anders. The thought of the two of them together, and knowing that most nights they were, and only a few feet away from me in Hawke's room, had my entire body tingling, begging for touch. I put the book aside and slid my hand slowly down my front, starting at the collarbone and sliding slowly down the thin silk nightdress that I was wearing. The feel of the silk against my nipples had me wet and I imagined Garrett's hands for my own. The heavy weight of them pressed down on my breasts. Cupping and squeezing their fullness, pinching and rubbing softly at the nipple.

     My other hand drifted lower, bunching up the hem of the dress before sliding over my mound. I spread my legs wider, pushing a finger between my lips to slip in the wetness there. Oh God, Garrett, yes! As my fingers reached farther, entering inside me, I used my thumb to circle at my clit, ratcheting the sensations ten fold. It was too much, the fantasy of Garrett Hawke taking me, claiming me sent me crashing over the edge into orgasm. I came screaming his name, then silently prayed that Bodahn didn't come up the stairs to see if I was all right. I glanced towards the door, more out of habit than anything else, to listen for noise downstairs.

     And Garrett Hawke was standing there.

     I think I squeaked. I know I sat up hurriedly and shift my nightdress back down to cover myself. The world tilted just a little from the whiskey but in that moment I was a lot more sober than I wanted to be. If I were drunker I could claim not to remember in the morning and brush off my embarrassment as inebriated stupidity. But Garrett had seen me now and knew I wasn't that drunk.

     He approached the bed, pushing my hands away from the hem of my dress. I looked at his eyes, dark with desire and need and knew I was fucked. Or at least about to be. He crawled up over me on the bed, pulling me down onto my back, then sat up to slowly remove his shirt. His chest was a mat of thick chest hair, criss-crossed with deep white scars. The chest of a warrior. If I thought Varric had beautiful chest hair, he was nothing compared to Garrett Hawke.

     I reached up to run my fingers over the coarse curls and watched him flush when a finger grazed a nipple. _Oh, you like that do you?_ I thought, finger lightly sliding over the other. He moaned and I could see how much he enjoyed the touch through his breeches. And he liked it a lot.

     Not breaking eye contact, he caught my hands and placed them above my head, then reached to take the hem of my night dress. I swallowed, nervous suddenly at the thought of Hawke seeing me naked. In my old body I'd always been self-conscious of how I looked, especially after having the kids. I didn't even like my husband seeing me. I knew, consciously, that I looked completely different now, but that little voice was still there in the back of my head, that Garrett would take one look and run for the hills before he made the biggest mistake in his life. And then I was nude and his eyes were roaming every inch of me, and if anything his eyes grew darker, more feral. Ready to devour me.

     His mouth descended, starting where my hands had, making me wonder just how long he had been standing there watching. He licked and kissed at my clavicle, working down to my breast, a hand joining his mouth to work my nipples to hard little points of need. I knew I was moaning, panting Garrett's name but I couldn't seem to stop. My hands wound around to his back, sliding to his ass, reaching under the waistband to cup at the cheeks. They were hard sculpted muscle, just as the rest of him. Beautiful, hard and clenched tight.

     I slid my hands around to the front and began working at the ties to his breeches. He sat up, pushing my hands away for a moment to work at the knot and slide the leather away with his small clothes. I don't think I've been happier to see a cock before in my life. It was long, thick and uncut, leaking precum and twitching with want. I pushed Garrett back to sit on his heels and slid myself forward. One thing I have always loved was the taste of a man in my mouth.

     I started slow, licking a long line up the underside of his cock, circling the head with my tongue before sucking the juice from the slit. He moaned, slipping his fingers into my hair and holding my in place. Hand wrapped around the base, I took his cock down my throat in one quick swallow, causing him to buck his hips. I chuckled, making him buck again from the vibrations. I started to slide up and down his shaft, reaching down to fondle his sac before slipping farther to fondle at his hole. Without any kind of lubricant I wasn't about to slide the digit inside, but just that bit of extra pressure had him beginning to rut in my mouth. When his pace began to stutter I pulled back with a pop and smiled. Hawke was sweating and shaking, eyes now almost completely black. He growled, low and primal, I picking my up and throwing me down on the bed. It was too much, he was too far gone. He didn't seem to know what he was doing as he pushed open my bent knees and slammed himself home inside me.

     I screamed. The pain was incredible, something I don't remember ever feeling before, even the first time. _Shit! This body's a virgin!_ And Hawke was so lost in some lust-filled state that he didn't notice what was going on. I tried to relax, to ignore the pain and just feel where Garrett was touching me, the rhythm to which he was fucking me, but it was hard. He filled me up so completely that there wasn't a part of me that wasn't being stroked from the inside. I shifted, wrapping my legs around his waist, twinning my ankles together and suddenly it was as though a switched was flipped inside of me.

     Suddenly the arrhythmic rocking of Hawke's body sent electric tingles throughout my limbs and started a flash burn in my core. I'd always scoffed at the romance novels that described a tidal wave of orgasmic pleasure, but now I understood as Garrett and I came together, screaming and moaning each other's pleasure. It seemed to take forever to come to myself as lights flashed before my eyes and my ears roared. It was amazing.

     Garrett pulled out, but only rolled onto his back, pulling me with him, rather than leave to clean up. I rested my head on his chest, arm draped across to hold him. He sighed, wrapping his own arm up to cradle my shoulder and keep me close to him. _So this is what they mean by post coital bliss...I think I like it._


	17. Chapter 17

     Waking up with a sleeping Hawke in your bed is amazing. Waking up sticky and hurting, not so much. It was the hand resting on my back that actual made me open my eyes, though that unmistakable peppermint smell that was Anders magic kept the panic at bay. I rolled carefully away from Garrett's chest to look up at the mage. His smile was tentative, a slight lifting of the corners with a touch of sadness to his eyes. I opened my mouth, ready to apologize for causing him pain, but he placed a finger to his lips and motioned to my bathing chamber.

     I nodded and carefully extricated myself from Hawke's arms. He snorted but didn't move, making me smile. When I went to stand, on the other hand, my knees nearly gave way and the pain in my groin was intense. Anders leapt forward and wrapped a supportive arm around my waist. My very naked waist. His cheeks flushed at the sight, even as his eyes darkened. Nice to know I could have that kind of effect on him, even in this state.

     He closed the bathing chamber door behind us and set me carefully on a small stool next to the tub before starting to run the water for the tub. Sometimes dwarven plumbing can be even better than a shower. While Anders was preparing the bath, I took a good look at myself. Bruises in the shape of fingers were beginning to form along my hips, and there was a lot of blood between my thighs. More than I expected, certainly. More than my _first_ first time.

     Anders returned and silently asked about healing me, fingers aglow with sparkling blue light. I nodded with a smile, sighing with the wash of cooling relief. Bruises vanished and the sharp aches faded. He then helped me stand with an arm around me, easing me back into the steaming bath water. I hissed as I leaned back against the side of the tub, still slightly raw, but it was a pain that spoke of passion that I really didn't mind. When Anders moved to heal me again I shook my head no.

     “So,” Anders began,”what happened to two weeks bed rest?”

     I laughed. “Well, we were technically in bed, so I guess I was still following orders, Doctor.”

     He snorted. “That's not what I meant and you know it.”

     He slipped off his feathered coat and rolled up his sleeves, reaching for a washing flannel. “So, I guess you're with Hawke now.”

     I looked him in the eyes, still sad while smiling. “No, Anders. _We're_ with Hawke now. I'm not about to take him away from you. You need each other.” I reached out to touch his arm as he dunked the cloth in the water and began washing my shoulders. “Don't hold your feelings inside, Okay? Talk to us about what's going on with you?”

     “Justice is furious with you right now.” he said, languidly running the cloth across the back of my neck. “He is trying very hard to take control and hurt you, but I won't let him.”

     “Um...thank you?” I stammered.

     “But you've already been hurt, haven't you?” He stopped washing and looked me deep in the eye. “Last night, with Hawke. He lost control, didn't he?”

     I blushed slightly. “Well, I guess, near the end, after I...”

     “Went down on him?”

     “Yeah.”

     Anders sighed and moved down to the end of the tub, taking one of my feet and washing it with the cloth. “Something we don't really discuss is that Hawke is a Berserker. During battle he let's go of that part of him that controls his responses and just goes on instinct. It's usually something that's brought on by adrenaline and endorphins. And sometimes he loses control during sex, especially when he's with someone new. He didn't mean to hurt you, and he'll be really apologetic when he wakes up, but that's the way it is.”

     I looked down the line of the tub at this master of a mage, flushed and washing my feet. “Anders? Has he...hurt you?”

     “Yes, but-.”

     “But you kind of liked it didn't you?” He nodded imperceptibly. “It's okay to like a little slap and tickle every once in a while. Or even every time as long as it's consensual and doesn't break a bone or something. Don't be embarrassed by it.”

     Anders returned to the side of the tub and kissed my cheek. “Thank you for understanding. And don't be ashamed to call me for healing after being with Hawke, okay? I know what it can be like.” He stood and handed me the cloth. “Now, I hear our mutual love starting to stir. I'm going to head out and reassure him that you're all right. There's a lot of blood on your sheets right now and he'll panic.”

     He was at the door when I called for him. “Hey! Thanks. I appreciated that. You know, the talk and the help washing.”

     “Any time, love.” he smiled, before walking out into my room and softly closing the door.

    _Oh, I'm a 'love' now am I? Interesting._

                                  ********************************************

     Garrett still panicked, even with assurances from Anders that all was well, and stormed into the bathing chamber, white as a sheet, eyes frantic and completely naked. He froze in the doorway for a moment, staring wide eyed, then ran forward, jumped in the tub and bent to take me in his arms, face buried in my shoulder.

     “Garrett!” I exclaimed, arms reaching around to hold him. I shift my legs to allow him room and he slid to fill it. He was shaking in my grasp. “Hey! Hey, come on big guy. All's well, see? I'm okay, I promise.”

    He mumbled something into my neck and I nudged him with my shoulder to make him raise his head slightly.”I blacked out when you were going down on me! I should have warned you! I'm not safe when I get excited. And then I woke up and you weren't there and there was all this blood and -”

     “Hush,” I soothed, running my fingers through his hair. “I’m okay. Anders explained what happened and we'll just have to be more careful from now on, okay? Safe words or something.”

     Garrett lifted his head to stare at me incredulously. “You mean- you mean you're not leaving?”

     “What?” I cried. “Why would I leave?”

     “After...after what happened with your husband, I thought maybe I might have scared you away.”

     “My husband hit me. You were just...overenthusiastic.” I grinned at him. “And enthusiasm can be a good thing.”

     Garrett laughed with relief for a few moments before realizing that the two of us were completely nude in a rapidly cooling bath tub. He helped me to stand and found a couple of drying cloths to wrap around us while he ran to his chambers and I found myself a house robe. I quickly stripped the bed and replaced the sheets with fresh. I'd have to wash them in cold water and see if I could find some salt. Didn't want some inconvenient stains. Or maybe I should just get some new ones.

     I had planned on returning to sleep once the bed was made, but I found I couldn't sleep, so I headed down to the study. From the sounds in the hall, neither Anders nor Garrett would be joining me anytime soon, so maybe some reading time would be in order. Normally after a bout of amazing sex- and it was absolutely amazing- I would indulge in a small amount of chocolate, to keep the high going just that little bit longer. But unfortunately there wasn't any in the house and the Hightown bakery wouldn't open until just after five bells. So instead I decided that trying to relax might be the better option and found a text on Chantry history that should put me out like a light. I curled up on the couch, feet curled up underneath me and flipped the cover open to the beginning.

                               **********************************************

 

     “Hush Garrett! Don't you dare wake her!”

     “But she looks so damned uncomfortable!”

     “Just tuck the blanket around her and go and tell Bodahn we'd like to have breakfast in the study this morning.”

    “Yes, Mother.”

     A few moments later, once the sound of shuffling feet disappeared in the distance, “All right, young lady, I'm fairly certain my son woke you anyway, so you may as well open your eyes.”

     I grinned and peeked at a smirking Leandra, seated in her favourite wing chair. “You caught me.”

     “Yes I did. None of my children have ever been able to fool me, and that includes you,” she admonished, pointing at me with one of her knitting needles, her work spread across her lap.

     I smiled at that, loving that she considered me a part of the family. I sat up straight, blanket falling to my waist. “How long have you been home, Leandra? How was Lady Rothschild's?”

     “An hour or so. Millicent is an old gossipy hen and her husband is a boor, but I still had fun. Speaking of which, I am officially inviting you to dinner next week. It's at the DeLauncet's so we'll have to dress you in the best. That Dulcie just loves to rub it in my face that I gave up Guillaume for Malcolm. Not that I would have it any other way, of course.”

     Leandra looked positively giddy chatting about the DeLauncet dinner, that I didn't have the heart to tell her I really didn't want to go. Nobles were more exhausting than a hundred bandits and the prospect of dancing had me shuddering.

     Soon enough, Bodahn entered the study with a large tray filled with plates of eggs and bread, pots of jam and pitchers of juice and coffee. I had yet to develop a taste for Thedas' version of coffee and so stuck to their version of orange juice, but only after squeezing out the juice of a few sweetberries first. Everything seemed to taste that much better with sweetberries. Garrett, Anders, and strangely Fenris followed behind carrying baskets of pastries, as well as clean plates and utensils.

     They set down the mountain of foodstuffs on one of the desks that dotted the room. “Will there be anything else, my Lady?” Bodahn asked.

     “No, thank you, Bodahn. And please, I keep telling you to call me Leandra.” she said, standing to move towards the breakfast plates.

     “Of course, my- Leandra.” he stuttered, blushing slightly before heading out the door.

     “OOH! My Leandra! How cute!” Garrett teased, bumping his mother with his hip.

     She slapped his arm playfully and began ladling food onto a plate. I watched them playfully poking at each other for a few minutes, thankful that they had this time. The thought of Garrett and Leandra losing this because of some bastard of a delusional blood mage made my mouth dry. That, of course, is when my stomach decided to growl and it was time to stand and fend for myself among the breakfast foods.

     The moment the blanket fell from my lap, three sets of eyes swivelled towards me. Garrett smirked and let his eyes roam across my body. Silk house robe, barely reaching the tops of my thighs and tied loosely, he was remembering just what I looked like without it and I flushed.

     Anders looked wistful, as though he wished he too were a part of Garrett and I. I decided then and there, that one night he would be. I would convince Garrett to let us make Anders happy. I grinned at him and blew him a kiss, making the mage's eyes brighten.

     And Fenris. _Oh my._ The elf's eyes were nearly black with desire, making my breath hitch and my stomach flutter. I felt like a deer in the headlights, frozen by his eyes. I had always laughed when someone told me about the sensation of drowning in another's eyes, but damn it! I really was drowning in those beautiful green orbs. I found myself taking a step towards him, towards those deep, penetrating eyes.

     It was Leandra that rescued me. She looked from the boys to me and back before setting down her plate and taking me by the arm. “Come dear, let's find you something nice to wear today. I'll take you to my dressmaker for next week's dinner.”

    She steered me from the room before I knew what was happening and had me in my rooms and sitting on my bed. Finally, I was able to breathe, to blink, and I gave her a thankful smile.

     “Well,” she began, turning her attention to my wardrobe,” you and Garrett certainly seem to have an interesting relationship.”

     I burst out laughing, I couldn't help it. “Interesting. Yeah, I guess you could call it that.”

    “Garrett has been in love with Anders for some time now, and I think you might have been the catalyst that finally brought them together. And I know that they both love you as well, kind of the binding agent for their lives,” she continued, pulling a skirt, blouse and corset from the wardrobe and throwing them on the bed. “But Fenris? That poor man has been through so much, I'm not sure that either of you would be able to handle a relationship with the other at the moment.”

     I stared at Garrett's mother, mouth agape. When in the hell did Leandra get so damned intuitive? She certainly didn't seem that way in the game. In fact, I'd always kind of disliked Leandra, blaming her son for things that really weren't his fault. Malcolm's death, Carver's, even poor Bethany's in the Deep Roads. I mean, in a way I understood that need to lash out at something, someone, when there was a tragedy, but her children should have been the last people she should take her anger and sadness out on. When my Amy had been close to death, I had taken each of my other children in my arms and kissed them and told them it would be all right. Later, when a doctor told me that it could have been so much worse, I slugged him. He I could take out my anger on, though I did apologize later. He laughed and said it happened all the time.

     “So, Dear. Get dressed. Come down and eat. And then we'll go spend all of my son's money.” Leandra said with a happy grin.

     I shook my head as the woman closed the door behind her. “I will never understand this family, swear to God.”


	18. Chapter 18

     It was the night of the DeLauncet's dinner and it was the absolute last place that I wanted to be. I considered sneaking off to hunt slavers or bandits or...something, anything to keep from having to attend! But I'm pretty sure that Leandra sensed my intentions and stuck to my hip like glue. I couldn't shake the woman, even when I went to dress, insisting that with the ties and layers of the dress she had gotten for me, I was going to need help. And the boys were completely useless when it came to dressing a woman. “Undressing them is something completely different, but we won't get into that,” she whispered into my ear, making me snort with suppressed laughter.

     And though the dress was made up of what felt like a hundred layers, it was actually quite light and easy to move in. Everything was in shades of purple “to bring out your eyes” as the Orlesian seamstress had deigned to inform me. Under dress, surcoat, over-corset, cape, even my new silk smalls were in varying shades of lilac to eggplant.

     I even let Leandra do my hair, primping and pinning until the majority of the waves were swept up off my face, leaving a few wispy pieces to frame my cheeks. Some of the pins were adorned with small diamond chips, to compliment the tiny drop earrings and necklace that I wore, making it look like little stars were floating in my hair. I have to admit, Leandra is a dab hand at making a girl look good.

      She left me in my rooms to wait for her and returned after a quarter hour in a gown of similar cut to my own, in shades of slate that made you wonder in it was blue or grey. She'd left her own hair hang down , held back from her face with a simple silver circlet. Damn, but didn't we look spiffy!

     The boys weren't looking too shabby themselves, each with a small snifter of brandy, waiting for us at the bottom of the stairs. Anders, as Leandra's accompaniment this evening, was dressed in a black velvet doublet and leggings, with shiny black leather boots and crisp white linen shirt. With his shining golden hair and eyes, he looked beautiful.

     Garrett had been dressed to match with my own outfit. Similar doublet to Anders, though in the darkest purple tone of my gown, with black leggings and boots. His own shirt was a paler lilac, and true to form, was undone far enough to show off just a touch of his very impressive chest chair. Leandra clucked and attempted to close the buttons, but Garrett just laughed and brushed away her fingers.

     While this was going on, Anders leaned in and kissed my cheek. “You look exquisite tonight,” he whispered.

     “Not looking so bad yourself there, handsome,” I giggled, happy that he had noticed. I felt like a kid playing dress up but I guess it was worth it. “Black looks good on you.” Then I remembered when and why he wears black in a few years and I paled. Anders noticed right away and turned concerned eyes on me. “Are you all right? Do you need to sit down?”

     “What?” I said, turning my attention to him, and the now worried looking mother and son. “Oh, no. I'm fine! Just...not looking forward to this is all.”

     “Nonsense!” Leandra declared, dragging her son forward and lifting my arm to rest on his. “This will be fun, I promise!”

     “Famous last words,” Garrett whispered under his breath and I laughed.

                               ****************************************

 

     I decided that if I had to murder every last noble in Hightown, I would not be attending another stupid dinner! It was absolutely horrible. The mingling at the beginning wasn't so bad, at least I could stay with Garrett and Anders while chatting with the few nobles that were worth talking to. Saemus Dumar stopped to speak with Garrett and I decided that he was definitely worth saving if at all possible. He had a quick wit that you never really got to see in the game and was a stalwart champion of the Qunari. And if given the chance, he might even grow to be a more capable Viscount that his father.

     Sebastian chatted for a short time, though it was obvious that Garrett wasn't happy about it, pulling me even closer into his side when the prince approached us. I was just waiting for the moment when Hawke pissed at my feet, marking his territory. I did not understand how the large man could be so concerned about Sebastian Vael, where Anders and Fenris weren't an issue in the slightest.

     When it came time to eat, I was sorely disappointed to learn that our little quartet had been separated to different sections of the table, and I had been placed between A very handsy old man and an Antivan ambassador that spoke very little trade. The man's interpreter was seated across from me with some nobleman's daughter I didn't know. I pushed the old man's hands away from me time and again, until finally, when the pervert had gone from my knee to my crotch, I grabbed his middle finger and twisted as I pushed him away. The crack was clearly audible by the entire table. The ambassador grinned and gave me a thumbs up.

     After dinner the men went to the study to drink Antivan brandy, smoke cigars from Seheron and discuss politics. The woman retreated to the conservatory to drink too sweet cordial and gossip like a bunch of old hens. It was horrible and I'd have given just about anything to be able to sit with the boys and sip on a snifter, arguing policy with someone that knew what they were talking about. Most other Hightown women were apparently a bunch of idiots.

     I excused myself to find a water-closet, not that any of them seemed to notice, and instead made my way to the Delauncet's garden. The night was clear, a little cool to be out and about without a coat of cloak, but there was no way I was going back in now. I wandered along the meandering path, enjoying the flowering bushes and fragrances that danced on the air. It reminded me of visiting a botanical garden when I was a kid. The kind of scents that made your head spin and your lungs filled to bursting.

     I found a low wooden bench and sat, staring out at the moon and stars. I wished for a moment that Fenris were here with me to look up at the expanse of sky. It was the kind of sight that you could really only appreciate when it had been denied you. Even Anders would have appreciated the sky, having been locked away from it for a year at one time.

     I started when someone cleared their throat behind me. I turned but the figure was hidden by shadow. “M'lady? Is all well? Is there anyone you would wish me to inform of your location?”

     “No,” I sighed. “The boys and Lady Leandra are enjoying themselves, I'm sure. I wouldn't want to interrupt them.”

     “That's good,” the man chuckled, moving into the light. He was not the servant I took him for, but dressed in thick leathers and brandishing paired blades. “Wouldn't want anyone to miss you too early.”

    _What the fuck!_ I stood and backed away slowly, wishing to hell that I'd thought to bring a blade, something, with me. _I'd have been too tempted to stab Mr. Hands if I had._ I glanced down briefly as I moved, hoping to spot a loose stone or discarded gardening tool, but found nothing, and my assailant was creeping up fast. I spun on my heel, hoping to maybe reach the house before the man was able to grab or stab me. Instead, another man blocked my way, hands now wrapped securely about my upper arms. I opened my mouth to scream for help, but a sudden blinding pain to the back of my head had me falling into darkness.

                                          ************************************

 

    _I have GOT to stop waking up in strange places,_ I thought to myself, blinking blearily at the light shining in my eyes. It was the sun, high overhead. Around me slick wooden walls that extended just above my eyeline, rocking back and forth, water lapping against them. A boat, small, more of a dinghy. Two men, one in front, one behind, were in the boat with me, and I was tied tightly by the wrist and ankle. _God dammit! What the fuck is this? Nothing like this happened in the game!_

     I tried to wiggle into a sitting position, but the one behind me just kicked at my ass and toppled me over. Not that it mattered. Soon we were beached, the men jumping out to pull the skiff up a sandy beach. I could now see trees and cliffs in my eyeline and knew we were somewhere on the coast. If I was careful and lucky, I could probably make my way back to Kirkwall. I just needed to get away first.

     Front guy poked his head over the side of the boat and leered. _Ugh!_ The most disgusting dental work I had seen outside of a meth addict. What teeth were left were black with rot and his breath reeked of old garbage. He reached into the boat and began to yank and pull me out to the sand. When his footing slipped in the loose earth, I twisted, lifting my knee to catch him in the balls. When his hand released I ran, as quick as bound hands, ball gown and fancy slippers would take me.

     It wasn't nearly far enough.

     Mr.Teeth's partner caught up in short order and tackled me to the earth. I fought, I really did, but a simple growled threat undid me. “Stop, or I hit you again. And this time I will take you while you're helpless. Got it?”

     I stopped. I could try again later, when I had a better chance, I could be patient and wait. And when I was free, I would come back and _gut_ him.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is told in third person, the search for Selena as opposed to what's happening with her. Don't worry! No non-con, no beat downs, nothing like that. All is cool!

     Garrett Hawke was pacing in front of the fireplace in the main foyer, dressed in his heaviest plate armour, shield and sword strapped to his back. He wanted to be out there, searching with Varric and Isabela, but he knew that he would just get in the way and slow them down. He was better at the killing maiming, not the stealth and intrigue.

     Anders sat at the writing desk nearby, legs twitching with the suppressed need to move. He was torn between his desire to comfort Hawke and tear Thedas apart to find Selena. Even Justice seemed bent on finding the woman, though Anders believed the spirit just wanted to be able to keep an eye on her at all times.

     Thankfully, Leandra had chosen to remain at the DeLauncet's, on the off chance that Selena would return there instead of coming home. No one knew when she had disappeared or if she'd been kidnapped or not. The last anyone had seen of her, she'd excused herself to find a water-closet and just never returned. By the time she was missed, it was nearing eleven bells and people were preparing to return home to retire.

     Garrett's first stop, after checking to see if she'd gone home, was to the Hanged Man. If anyone could ferret her out, it was Varric. The dwarf had woken Isabela to help and the two had gone to sleuth her out.

     Apparently, in their searching, they had informed their other friends about what had transpired. Aveline had alerted her guard to be on the lookout and had gone to speak with the DeLauncet's and Leandra.

     Merrill had convinced other elves of the Alienage to scour Darktown and parts of Lowtown that they had access to. How she managed to get other elves to help, Garrett had no idea, except that whenever possible, Selena liked to shop in the Alienage and over paid for everything that they'd let her get away with. Quite a few Elvehn children that might have otherwise starved owed her for the good meals they were able to eat.

     Sebastian Vael was sitting in the chantry, praying. _As if that will really help,_ Garrett snorted to himself. _Whatever. Keep his dirty fingers off Selena that way, anyway._

     And Fenris was here, sitting on a bench in the entryway, looking stoic and calm but for the slivers of wood he was slowly peeling away with his gauntlets. The elf had burst in, brands glowing in righteous fury, threatening to remove hearts, spleens, whatever he could get his hands on. It took several minutes for Garrett to calm the elf, all the harder as he wanted to rip and shred just as badly.

     He felt Anders stand behind him and he turned, barreling into the mage's chest, arms grasping to hold him. He smoothed his hands down the back of Hawke's neck, unable to really reach around the large man's armour. Garrett was shaking with unused adrenaline, wanting nothing more than to find Selena and hold her tight. “Hush, love,” he soothed. “We'll find her. We'll bring her home.”

     Suddenly the front door burst open with a bang. Garret spun, sword in hand, Anders and Fenris similarly ready and armed. Standing there was Varric, panting heavily, blood trickling from a gash to his forehead. The men rushed forward, Anders quickly healing the small cut. “Found her...on the coast...cave...two guys at first...more showed after I got there...And Petrice.” he panted.

     “Where's Isabela?” Fenris demanded.

     “Still keeping watch. If she can get in and get Starlight out, she's going to try, but I told her to not take any more chances than necessary. Wait for us if she had to.”

     As one, the men nodded and prepared for war.

                                   *******************************************

 

Bodahn had gone to find Aveline and a contingent of guard, then to find Merrill and her elves, but the boys weren't prepared to wait. With Varric and Spirit in the lead, they moved as quickly as they could to the coast. It took nearly an hour, but they found themselves at a small inlet, almost hidden from their vantage point on the cliffs unless you knew it was there. Garrett searched the area fruitlessly, trying to spot Isabela.

     “Shit! Could she have gone down already?”

     “No. Now hush already! You make enough noise to wake the dead.”

     Garrett nearly had his sword drawn before he realized that the sultry whisper belonged to Izzy. She crept slowly from a patch of shadow that he would have sworn wasn't big enough to hide a nug and sauntered closer to the group.

     “What's the situation, Rivaini?” Varric asked, prepping Bianca.

     “No change so far,” she replied, glancing down towards the hidden cave, obscured by rock and brush. “About twenty men all told, plus Petrice and a Templar. Fenris growled deep in his chest and began to flare his brands. “Down, there, handsome,” Isabela chided. “Don't want to let them know we're here just yet.”

     “Then what's the plan, Isabela,” Garrett ground through his teeth. “It's getting fucking cold out here and she's in nothing but a damn gown! She'll freeze out here, assuming they haven't-” He couldn't finish the sentence, his breath hitching at the thought of someone hurting her. Anders reached out to place a hand on his shoulder and he took the mage's hand in his own. “We can't lose her, Iz. We just can't.”

     “I get it, Sugar. Trust me, I do. None of us want to lose her.”Isabela whispered. “Now, it's next to impossible to get down to the inlet without being seen. I can stick to shadows and do it, but you guys just haven't a clue when it comes to hiding. So what I'm going to do is sneak down there, try and lure as many of them as I can out into the open. Then I want Anders and Varric to rain fire on them. Once the majority are down, Hawke, you and Fenris rush down to take out the stragglers and whoever's left in the cave.”

     “I want Petrice alive,” Garrett growled. “Aveline's coming and I want her humiliated and beaten. Death would be too quick.”

     The others nodded, unwilling to argue with him at this point. They could see the signs of one of his rages and weren't about to stand in the way of him.

     And then Isabela was gone, melded back into the shadows that were her second home. It took mere minutes for her to make it down the hidden path to the inlet and begin hurling rocks and epithets towards the mouth of the cave. A dozen men rushed from the opening and the fight was on.

     When Isabela had asked for a rain of fire, she wasn't kidding. Anders called on the fire of his magic, not an ability he used often, but still one of his most powerful, and called down fireball after fireball from the sky. Even Justice got in the act, adding power to the spell to keep his mana lasting longer.

      _Thank you, my friend._

      **She is special to you. We will help her. For now.**

     Explosive arrows joined the fray, some of Varric's most powerful. He usually saved these for the big guns, but nothing was too good to help save Starlight. In his heart he knew that if they lost her, they would fall apart, and maybe Kirkwall with them. Maybe even all of Thedas.

     With screams of rage, Hawke and Fenris ran down the path, attacking the men that exited the cave to help their brothers. The held nothing back, removing limbs, heads, bodily organs, whatever came within reach of their swords. It was a bloodbath, nearly two dozen men dead at their feet.

     Merrill, Aveline and the guard arrived just as the last body fell from Garrett's sword. The elf girl reached to touch Hawke's arm, but turned into Isabela's embrace instead. “Is she-?”

     “In the cave,” Varric said. “With Petrice and a Templar.”

     The Guard Captain nodded and motioned for her men to surround the cave to prevent escape. Garrett had Anders, Merrill and Varric wait outside as well. They were better at long range warfare and the cave was anything but.

     “All right, Petrice!” Aveline called into the mouth of the cave. “You're surrounded by the guard. Release your prisoner and come out peacefully!”

     They heard a scuffle inside but no answer.

     “Last chance, Petrice! You have to the count of five before we storm the cave!”

     There was more noise, a loud grunt and what sounded like the very beginning of a scream. Garrett panicked and rushed in, Fenris close at his heels, the others soon behind. What met his eyes was not the horror he expected. The Templar was dead, throat cut ear to ear. Petrice was backed into the wall of the cave, blade to her throat. And Selena...

     Selena stood with blade in hand, ropes dangling from her wrists, dress a mass of rips and tears and blood. Her face was a mask of gore, a feral smile splitting her mouth. Her eyes were glazed, a look Garrett knew well. She was ready to kill.

     It was Fenris that stepped forward first. He reached his hand out slowly towards her. “Selena?”

     She blinked, slowly, as though coming out of a dream. “F-Fenris? Please tell me I'm not dreaming and you're really here?”

     He took a step closer, into her field of vision so that she could keep her eyes on Petrice. “We're really here, Selena. Let me take care of Petrice for you so you can rest.” He carefully reached out to take the blade from her fingers.

     “Yes. Rest would be good. Is Garrett here? Anders?” she replied softly.

     “Yes. Yes, we're here.” Garrett answered.

     She didn't turn towards him but she smiled. “Good. I was afraid you would think I left or something just as silly.” she chuckled, a sad watery sound.

     Her knees began to buckle and Fenris moved in, scooping her against him and securing her knife in a move. Aveline rushed in to secure a now demanding Petrice, expounding her ties to the Chantry to a deaf ear. The Guard Captain could care less. Her only concession to the Chantry would be informing the Grand Cleric that one of her Mother's would be arrested for kidnapping.

     Garrett watched all of this for a moment before turning and exiting the cave. Selena looked after him in concern but Fenris reached up to brush a lock of hair from her face. “It's all right, _carrisimi_. He is a berserker and has not expended all of his rage. He has gone to find something to fight. He will return, I promise.” She looked up into the elf's guileless eyes and nodded, then buried her face into his neck. Fenris stiffened for a moment, awaiting the pain that inevitably came with the touch of skin upon him. When it never came, he relaxed and began to carefully stroke her hair with his gauntletted hands.

     Anders rushed into the cave in Garrett's wake, smiling and tearful. Selena looked up at his entrance and left Fenris' embrace to rush to the mage. He felt a momentary pang of jealousy, but tamped it down. She was not his to be jealous of. No matter how much he wished it were different.

     “Love!” Anders cried, wrapping his arms around Selena. “Love, are you all right? Are you hurt?”

     “No. I'm...I'm okay, Anders,” she said softly, burring her face in his feathered shoulder. “I just want to go home.” Anders tightened his grip and looked up at Fenris. The elf was looking at her wistfully, a slight smile curving at his lips. He looked up and met the mage's eyes, the smile broadening. Anders smiled back. In this one thing they could see eye-to-eye. They would take Selena home.


	20. Chapter 20

     Two more weeks of house arrest. Not that I needed the down time really. I just think the boys were afraid to let me out of their sight for more than five minutes at a time. If Anders was at the clinic, Garrett staid home. If Garrett had a job he couldn't put off, Anders spent the day writing in the study while I read or knit. The mage even convinced me to teach him, sighting an overpowering wish to send a scarf for Satinalia to the Knight-Commander. Remembering that line from Awakenings, I agreed. And he is a terrible student.

     “So where does the needle go again?”

     “Through the loop of yarn on your left hand needle, front to back.”

     “And the yarn goes around the needle?”

     “Yes.”

     “And then what?”

     “Then use the right hand needle to pull the yarn through the loop and drop the needle on the left.”

     There was a pause. “I dropped both of them.”

     “Try again.” I tried to be patient. I really did, but I was going stir crazy and I snapped at him.

    **“She distracts us!”** _Oh shit!_ I spun to see the small amount of knitting mashed in blue glowing hands. Justice glared at me from Anders' countenance and I took a step back, which of course he took as a retreat and he followed. The wooden knitting needles in his hand began to smoke. **“Alrik will never be stopped, the mages never freed if we sit here and...knit!”**

     “Wait! Alrik? Ser Alrik the Templar?” I asked, knowing the answer and cringing. I took a step forward and placed a hand upon Justice's arm. It was like touching a low current wire, an electrical buzz that could become painful if left too long. “Please, Justice, you know my past. You know that I know things, and you have to tell me if Alrik has begun making the mages Tranquil. It's important.”

     He looked down at my hand upon him, then up into my arms. It was like looking into the heart of an electrical storm. Bright and flashing, blue and white, with hints of other colours like a rainbow. And like a storm of that magnitude, it was frightening and dangerous and oh so beautiful.

    **“Anders wishes the proof to bring before the Grand Cleric, to have him stopped. I wish...I would have him dead. He can not hurt the mages if he no longer breathes. It would be just.”** the spirit rumbled.

     “Okay, Justice. I'm going to need Anders for most of this little excursion. Could you let him come back while I put on my leathers? Please?” He nodded as I raced up the stairs. Alrik was important, dammit! I couldn't believe that Anders was just going to ignore him in favour of sitting with me, knitting of all things!

      I dressed as hurriedly as I could, forsaking my usual leathers for a simple jerkin and leggings, anything to move faster. Bow and quiver at my back, Speed and Agility at my hips, extra blades in my boots and I ran back to the foyer to meet the mage.

     He watched me descend in apprehension, plucking at his sleeves, tugging at the hem of his jacket. He knew he had fucked up and wasn't sure how I'd deal with it. I walked up to him, looked him square in the eye, and slapped him as hard as I could. He stumbled and brought a hand to his cheek, blue spirit fire flashing and disappearing again before he turned his face back to me.

     “Don't you EVER put my perceived well being above the lives of the mages! We could have been out there, doing some good, but instead you and Garrett and the others have been coddling me and it needs to stop! Now!” I ranted. I was so damned angry at him. At all of them. I was so tired of being treated like a damned invalid.

     I stormed to the cellar, knowing that the entrance to the gallows lay in Darktown and heard Anders scramble to catch up. “Wait! Shouldn't we at least find some back up to take with us? Hawke, or Varric? Fenris, for Maker's sake!”

      “No time. The three of us. You, me and Justice. We go in now.”

                            *********************************************

 

     He wasn't stopping. The girl was safe, the Templars were dead and he wasn't stopping. I watched, trying to force my body up off the ground, battered by and bruised by shields, as Justice approached the young mage, glowing blue fire and rage. _No! I can't let him kill her! Anders will never recover!_

      Pressure, intense and searing, was building up between my eyes. Green tinged light was begining to seep from my pores. The Fade breach was reaching out to them, pulling at the essence that was Justice.

     I don't really remember doing it. I reached out, gripping his ankle as he passed. The flash of light, green meeting blue, was bright enough to blind the world. I'm not sure who it was that screamed- whether it was me or Anders or even both- but it was deafening. I blacked out, at least for a few minutes, and when I came to, Ella was leaning over me in concern, Anders nowhere to be found.

     "Serrah? Are you all right? There was that light and then the other man ran off," the girl said quickly, hands fluttering over my arms, trying to decide if she should try to help me up or not. I took the decision away from her, propping myself up on my elbows.

     "Was he...okay?"

     "He looked scared, Serrah. Terrified. Like he didn't really know who he was. Is he really an abomination?"

     "No, Ella. He's just a deeply troubled soul. And I need to find him."

     I stumbled to my feet and the two of us made our slow way back into Darktown. I left the mage to run to her mother's and made my way to Anders' clinic, praying to whatever deities inhabited this world that he would be there.

     I didn't see him at first, and my heart sank. _Where did he go? He always comes here!_ Tears started to fall before I even realized how upset the thought of Anders disappearing upset me. I needed Anders, and I was just realizing it now.

     When I heard his muffled voice from the back of the clinic, I sobbed and rushed towards it. He was crouched next to his cot at the back of the clinic, sorting through his possessions, packing his things to run. I could NOT let him run!

      I know, in the game, Hawke convinces Anders to stay, but I just couldn't seem to form more than two words together. I just threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his neck, burying my face in his shoulder and crying as though my heart were breaking. Because it was.

      We clung to each other for some time, releasing all the tension and fear and pain of the last few days upon each others' shoulders. He came to himself first, stroking my hair. "It's all right, love. I'm here. Sweetheart, I'm here."

     "Thank God!" I laughed, a watery bark. "I was so scared I'd lost you! That you'd leave me."

     "I was going to, right up until you touched me," he said, pushing me away, casting his eyes down at the dirt floor. "I had every intention of running as fast and as far as my legs would carry me. I panicked and I'm so very sorry about that."

     I placed my fingertips beneath his chin and lifted his face to look me in the eyes. "Why, Anders? Why would you run away from me? From your friends?"

     "He's gone," Anders replied softly. "Whatever it was that you did, it pulled Justice out of my head. I'm alone for the first time in...years. And I'm scared. I'm terrified!" He laughed, high, manic. "And when I'm this scared, I run away!"

     "It's true, you used to run away, Anders. But you're not that man anymore, even without Justice," I reassured him, placing both hands to his cheeks. "Now you have friends, people that love you and would miss you if you were gone. _I_ would miss you."

     I kissed him, a soft brushing of lips, sweet and chaste. I'm not really sure what prompted me to do it, but once it was begun I knew it was the right thing. The only thing. A heated spark ran straight from my stomach to my core as he pulled me in, deepening the kiss into an all out consumption.

     I breathed him in, that heady scent of elfroot and peppermint and Anders. I fell into him like you would a warm bath, burrying myself in his essence. He pulled me into his lap, there on the clinic floor, and I could feel he was enjoying this as much as I was. He was hard and thick, pressed against my core with only a few layers of cloth in the way.

     Suddenly he pulled back, pushing me from him to land heavily on my ass in the dirt. "No! I- I can't do this!" he cried. "You're with Hawke, I can't do this to him!"

     I blinked blearily up at him for a moment before it dawned on my sex addled brain what exactly he was saying and I had to laugh. “So are you, you ninny!”

     He grinned sheepishly. “Yeah, I guess I am at that, aren't I? I can't believe I just did that.”

     “Well, to be truthful, I did start it.”

     “Hmmm, you did at that. So now what?” he asked. “Do we pretend that didn't happen? Go on like before?”

     I slapped his shoulder, hard enough that he actually cried out and rubbed the injured spot. “Don't be stupid! Of course we don't just 'go back'! I love you! As much as I love Garrett, as much as...well, you know.” Even now, the thought of the elf made me tingle. “And I'm not going to wait months or years for you to finally get with the program and love me back.”

     He stood, reaching down to help me stand as well. Pulling me close, he wrapped an arm around my back, the other twining into my hair. My own fingers could go nowhere but to his chest, splayed amongst the feathers. “I've loved you from the first moment I saw you, sprawled on a beach on the Wounded Coast, drenched in salt water and barely breathing. I knew I had to keep you alive. Something deep in my soul screamed it. That if I didn't, I would be lost. I love you, Selena.”

     I looked up into his eyes and could see the truth of it shining back at me. Brighter than the love I knew my husband had once felt for me. Even brighter than the love I knew was there from Garrett, Anders loved me with a depth I had never experienced. It was the love in his eyes I had seen him show Garrett himself. My breath caught in my throat, overwhelmed by the prospect of being cared for that deeply. “I love you, Anders. I think I may have actually fallen for you back on Earth, playing my game, directing Hawke's life. Knowing what would become of you and Justice broke my heart. When the option came up to kill you for all that transgressed, I could never do it, even though you expected it. I would cry everytime the game was over, not knowing how your life turned out, how you continued living. Even if Justice were still with us, I would want to be a part of your life. Even if that was all it was, just a part.”

     “Oh, Sweetheart,” he whispered, moving closer to take my lips. The kiss began as a soft, searching thing, but quickly grew into a passion, a need. I needed to feel every piece of him, touch, lick, suck every inch. I pushed at his jacket, trying to pull it off, but it stuck at his elbows and he chuckled.

     “Wait, love. Let us go back upstairs. I'm feeling rather...raw at the moment and need some time to process this change.” He kissed the top of my head before righting his jacket and brushing the dirt from his breeches. “And we should talk to Garrett.”

     I sighed, drawing away and straightening myself as well. “I understand, Anders. But don't expect to be able to put me off for long, got it.” I brandished a finger at him as I would a recalcitrant child.

     He smiled and leaned in to kiss the digit. “Wouldn't dream of it, my love.”


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, these two are actually starting to really piss me off with the whole 'sexual tension' thing! It's like they have minds of their own and refuse to listen to me or something (Nah! That couldn't be it...Could it?)

     So just when I really need Garrett to be home, he's out at the Hanged Man trying, badly, to drink Varric under the table. Seems my boys have been keeping things from me, dealing with things like Feynriel and Bartrand without telling me. So Anders and I went to the study, curled up on the sofa, sharing a bottle of Starkhaven single malt. Anders more so than me.

     “It's so weird, getting drunk.” Anders sighed, swirling the amber liquid in his glass before drinking it down. He gasped at the sudden heat and I had to laugh.

     “What about last time? At the Hanged Man, after...you know?” I asked, curling my fingers into the hairs at the nape of his neck, causing him to shiver.

     “I begged him.” he said matter-of-factly. “I told him I needed to forget what I'd seen and it was either booze or too much lyrium. Since too much of that might kill me, he agreed.”

     “Oh, love!” I exclaimed, pulling back. “I'm so sorry! If I'd known-”

     “No! Please! It's...it's all right.” he cried out, turning slightly to face me, taking my other hand in his. “It was my own stupidity, really. And in the end we both got who we wanted didn't we?”

     We both broke out in knowing grins, remembering our times with Garrett. Oh my! I leaned down to the floor to grab the whiskey bottle and pour more shots, mainly to cover the heated flush that crept up my cheeks. Handing his to Anders I could see a similar shade to his own face. We both drank quickly, trying to calm this anxious need to progress from where we were.

     I leaned back, setting a throw cushion on my lap and patting it for Anders to rest his head. He grinned, shucking his coat before lying down, back to me, cheek resting on the pillow, hand on my knee. I carefully pulled away the tie in his hair and ran my fingers through it. I could feel the groan he emitted more than hear it. It sent a deep shiver through me.

     “How are you feeling, Anders?” I asked, still concerned for my friend.

     “It's strange,” he began in a hushed tone. “I feel...empty. But more myself than I've felt in years.” He paused for a few moments, fingers idling brushing my knee, breath a soft, warm breeze against the leather. “What...where do you think he went, Selena? Is he...dead?”

     My fingers stilled in his hair and he shifted to look up at me. I closed my eyes, trying to remember that moment when green met blue and how it felt. “I don't think he's dead, Anders, if that is even really possible. When I touched him- you- it felt as though he was being pulled inside of me, then back out again. I think this...whatever it is that's inside me sent him back to the Fade. I think it sent him home.”

     Anders sighed, reaching up to cup my face. “Maker, I hope so. I never meant him harm, you know. He just couldn't stay in Kristoff's body. It was falling apart! Quite literally, you know. He shook my hand one day and I came back with eleven fingers!”

     “Eww!” I laughed, smiling at his cheeky grin. “Nothing like that better happen when we're having sex!”

     His eyes darkened and his smile changed, softened. His thumb brushed across my cheek, sending a shiver along my spine. “When I make love to you, the idea of missing digits will be the farthest thing from your mind.”

     “I'm going to hold you to that,” I replied softly, brushing a few stray strands from his forehead. He smiled, his thumb drifting down to slide along my lip before turning to lie on his side once more.

      “It's funny. If I were really my old self I would have had you naked on the floor long ago. But now...now I want to wait. I want to talk to Garrett first. And if he says he can't handle the thought of the two of us together, I'll abide by that. It'll be hard, don't get me wrong! But it would be something I would have to do.”

     I leaned down to kiss the edge of his ear. “You are well and truly in love, Anders. Something I don't think you've ever really felt before, for all your experiences. This is the man that is a part of your soul and you are treating him, and your love, with the respect it deserves.”

     "Oh,” he said softly, for once at a loss for words. “You don't mind?”

     “Of course I don't mind, you big ninny! I love you both too much to ruin what the two of you have. And if that means keeping my distance in the romance area, then so be it.”

     He sighed and burrowed slightly into my leg. “I think all this talk and whiskey is going to my head. Feeling a little...light headed.”

     “Then just rest, love,” I whispered, returning to petting his hair. “We''l talk to Garrett when he gets home.”

                        **************************************************

 

 

     We slept that way until the early hours of the morning, my hand in his hair, his clutching at my calf. I woke to the noise of a very inebriated Hawke trying desperately to be quiet. Anders, thankfully, woke more slowly, sighing and stretching like a cat when I gently shook his shoulder.

     Garrett was muttering something about buckles in the foyer and I suppressed a giggle. He seemed to be having issues with using his thumbs and for some reason I found that funny. I have an odd sense of humour.

      I wiggled out from under the mage and padded quietly into the hall. He was seated on the floor, trying desperately to yank off a boot that was barely half unbuckled and I couldn't help but laugh. He looked up, first in surprise, then with a sheepish grin and gestured to his foot as if that would explain everything.

     I walked up and knelt at his feet, taking the offending footwear in hand and finishing the buckles before yanking it off. “You're so lucky I love you, Garrett Hawke. I wouldn't do this for just anyone.”

     "Yes.” I heard Anders add behind me. “Very lucky. You have no idea how much.”

     Garrett's bleary eyes looked from me to him and back, mouth open to ask, but I just raised a finger for him to stop. “Not right now, love. You're not sober enough to deal with this kind of talk right now.”

     His brows scrunched up as though to argue, but instead of words, he hiccuped, loud and high almost like a small girl's. We laughed at his embarrassed grin and I quickly divested him of the other boot and pulled him to his feet.

     “Come on. Off to bed with you and we can talk later, okay?”

     He wrapped an arm around my waist, nearly pulling us both off balance and reached out to take a hold of Anders' hand. “Don't want to sleep alone. Not ever again. Please? I need you. Both of you.” His eyes began to tear and I looked back at Anders in concern. I had a feeling just what it was that was upsetting our Hawke so badly and if I was right, he was going to need the contact. Anders nodded and moved towards the stairs, pulling Garrett along behind him. I moved to take Hawke's hand and followed along behind my men.

     In the large master suite, Anders set about getting Garrett out of his armour while I ran along to Anders' and my rooms to fetch sleeping clothes. Because sleeping in leathers had not been comfortable, even with a gorgeous apostate in my lap.

     I returned to find Garrett already tucked into the middle of the big bed and handed Anders a pair of linen sleep pants. Though the prospect of watching him strip was appealing, I turned away and quickly changed into a long silk nightdress. If I could see what I really wanted splayed out before me, I might not be able to stop myself from taking it.

     When I turned back, Anders was standing right there, so close that he was almost breathing in the scent of my hair. For all I know, he might have been. “Maker,” he said softly with a shudder. “Why does this have to be so hard?”

     I glanced down at his very noticeable bulge with a mischievous grin. “Very hard.”

     He chuckled and took my hand, leading me over to the bed. We climbed in to either side of the large warrior already there and curled up into his sides, our hands up over his chest, fingers twined. In time, we joined him in sleep.

                           *****************************************

 

     I woke up expecting a dark cave and the scent of cold stone, hands trapped and strange voices. When it came to me that I was free, I reached out to touch someone, anyone, only to find nothing but warm sheets beneath my hands. I felt that momentary unconscious bit of panic before my conscious mind could kick in and tell me not to be stupid. I opened my eyes to see that the bed was empty, though relatively recently, judging by the heat that lingered.

     I smiled. It was nice of them to let me sleep, though misguided. I hated waking alone, knowing that I had gone to bed with a warm body beside me. Chock it up to stress or something, I don't know.

     I fought to make my way out of the tangle of sheets and rushed back to my own rooms to splash some water on my face, run a comb through my hair and find a house robe. Wouldn't do to look like a complete urchin.

     Once I was ready, I followed the sounds of voices down to the kitchen. Three manly voices, two chuckling and/or mildly swearing, while the third sounded like it was coming through a gag. Or a mountain of food.

     I walked into the room to find Garrett and Bodahn trying to work around each other, cooking eggs and bacon and baking bread, while Anders was sitting at the table, plate before him heaped with food, and shoving it in like someone was going to take it away at any moment. Bodahn was smiling, working the eggs and meat in the pan with a steadied, practised hand, while Garrett...well, Garrett was covered in flour from head to foot, kneading a ball of dough as though he held a personal grudge. I couldn't help myself. I laughed.

     “Ah! Mistress!” Bodahn cried, looking up at me with a smile. The others turned as one and grinned at me as well, though with Anders' mouth full of food it looked more like a chipmunk face than his own. “Sit! Sit and I'll fix you a plate. Sandal has gone to fetch the daily pastries order and the eggs will be done momentarily. Would you care from juice this morning, or perhaps a cup of tea?”

     “Juice, please Bodahn, and a couple of sweetberries.” I said, taking a chair next to Anders so that I could have a good view of Hawke attempting to kill bread.

     “Of course, Mistress. Coming right up!” the dwarf fetched a plate and slid a few eggs and bacon pieces upon it before setting it in front of me, placing the remainder from the pan on top of what was left in front of Anders. He smiled gratefully at the dwarf and continued eating. Garrett set the bread dough aside to rise and did his best to clean up, though really he just brushed the flour around, and came to sit with us at the table. He looked at me with that grin that screamed he knew a secret and I knew he had already probably spoken with Anders. _Well, at least he doesn't look upset._

     As Bodahn set down a cup of juice in front of me, I turned towards him. “Where is Leandra this morning?”

     “Mistress Amell is at her weekly meeting with Gamlen. But she sends her regards.” he replied, shuffling away to tidy up and leave them to their breakfast. I couldn't help the shudder that took me, though thankfully Bodahn didn't notice. Even with Quenten dead and burned, I couldn't help remembering how sick and depraved he had been, and how close Garrett had come to losing his mother. When he reached across the table to take my hand with a mild look of concern, I gave him a reassuring grin. He knew how I felt and didn't need to be worrying over it.

     “Okay, I've got to know,” I started, turning my head towards Anders without taking my hand from Garrett's. “What is with the nonstop eating, Anders?”

     He grinned, a bit embarrassed, dabbing at his mouth with a cloth napkin. “I never realized just how much Justice dampened my appetite. I just can't seem to get enough to eat.”

     “Good. You're nothing but skin and bone and need fattening up,” I said jovially.

     Garrett let loose a bark of laughter. “I think she's trying to tell you she needs cushioning, old boy.”

     “Old?” Anders cried in mock outrage. “I'll have you know I'm only four years older than you!”

     “Hey! If anyone's old at this table it's me,” I interjected. “My old body was your mother's age!”

      “Hmm.” Hawke waggled his eyebrows. “I've always wondered about older women.”

     I squeezed his fingers and giggled. “You've already had this one, so just stop.”

     “Speaking of which...”

     Anders and I both looked to Hawke, suddenly anxious, but he seemed to be...well, happy. He pulled my fingers to his lips and brushed them across the knuckles. “Anders explained to me what happened to the two of you yesterday. First thing I need to do is ask if you're all right. I know that green...whatever it is that you do can takes a lot out of you and it has me worried. Although, I do have to say, that silk thing you have on makes me think that you look to be absolutely amazing.”

     “I'm all right, Garrett. I passed out for a few minutes after it first happened but I'm good now.” I reassured him.

     “What?” Anders exclaimed, concerned. “Why didn't I know this? Why didn't you tell me?”

     “You were justifiably panicking, Anders. You probably just didn't see.” I tried to console him, reaching out with my other hand towards him. He grasped it like a drowning man.

     “It's all right, Anders. Really, it's okay. Ella was there and I wasn't out long.”

     He nodded but still looked upset with himself. There really wasn't much I could do about that except maybe distract him later. I turned my attention back to Garrett, who was frowning slightly. “I'm fine, Hawke. Okay?”

     He nodded and slipped on one of his more mischievous grins. “Anders also told me about what happened in the clinic.”

     I couldn't help the blush that crept up my cheeks and I looked away, down at the table. Garrett wasn't having any of it, however, and put a finger beneath my chin, tilting my face to look him in the eye.

     “I wanted to thank you.” I looked at him in confusion.”For waiting,” he explained. “For taking my feelings into account and waiting until you had both spoken to me before getting together. As much as I love the thought that the people I love the most also love each other, the idea of the two of you doing something like that behind my back makes my heart ache. And I'm a horrible hypocrite because that's pretty much what happened between the two of us and poor Anders had to learn about it after.”

     The blood rushed from my face when I realized that Hawke was right. We had come together without Anders prior knowledge or consent. My stomach seemed to fall to my feet, but Anders gave me a reassuring squeeze. “It's all right, love. I understand that sometimes, with a person you love, the moment comes and you can't help yourself. It's not like I was kept in the dark or suddenly lost him to you, and he certainly won't lose either of us.”

     I sighed in relief and nodded. Then an idea dawned on me. “Wait! But then what about us? If we were able to hold back-”

     Anders laughed, just a bit huskily, sending a quick shiver down my spine. “Oh, trust me, had I not been feeling as though my insides had been scraped clean, we would have. Right there. On the floor of the clinic.”

    _Oh my_. The dark heat in his eyes sent a flush everywhere on my body and a quick glance at Garrett showed that he held the same heat. For a moment I thought the two of them were going to have me splayed across the table for all to see. Not that, at this moment, I would be adverse to that. But Anders released my hand and stood, leaving us at the table. He stopped in the doorway and turned his face towards us. “When we come together, love -and it will be soon. Believe me- I don't want it to be something forced or planned. And right now, I'm still trying to figure out how I feel with...Justice gone. But when I come for you, remember this. It will be...glorious.”

     I watched his retreating back until it was lost out of sight around a corner as he retreated to his clinic, Garrett brushing at my knuckles with his thumb. And all I could think was _well...fuck._


	22. Chapter 22

     The Hanged Man was quiet for that particular time of the afternoon, but I wasn't about to complain. Varric and I were sitting at a small round table near the bar, sipping at piss poor ale and going over the monthly ledgers. I may be a bit of a kleptomaniac but I always stole from people who really didn't need the coin. Then I brought most of it to Varric to invest for me. My dividends were nearly on par with Hawke's now, though a fair amount of my money went into the upkeep of a drop in centre for Ferelden's not far from Anders clinic. There was a soup kitchen and some cots, as well as a free babysitting service so that both parents could go out and try to find work.

     We'd been trying to decided if my idea of an orphanage in Lowtown was a possibility yet when the dwarf sighed.

     “All right, Varric,” I said. “What is it?”

     “I think I've found Wall-Eyed Sam.” Eyes downcast and grumbling, it was as though he was unhappy to be giving me this news.

     “But, that's good isn't it? I mean, I asked you to find him and you did.”

     “Yeah, but in my searching I found out he's been making certain...overtures to the Tevinters. Not to mention that with the snows coming he's going to be making a beeline for some bolthole and we'll lose him again til spring.”

     Okay, so basically I had a very small window to get the book back before we'd have to start the search up again in a few months...”Think I might be able to get in and chat with the illustrious Sam sometime today?” I asked.

     Varric thought a minute. “I don't see why not. According to my sources he'll do down at the docks round about now. He should get back to his place in Darktown round about seven bells tonight. You could always catch him then.”

     “Care to join me? I might need a negotiator to get what I need out of him.” I gave the dwarf my best 'Pleeeease?' look and he laughed.

      “Stop fluttering those lashes at me, Starlight. You've got enough man flesh panting over you. Speaking of which_”

     “No Varric,” I interrupted. “I will be telling you nothing about what goes on in my bedroom.”

     “Fine. What about Hawke's bedroom? Blondie's?” he prodded, smiling. “Maybe Broody's?”

     “Not talking about it, not talking about it and-”

     “None of your business, dwarf.”

     I whipped my head towards the voice, already smiling. I hadn't seen Fenris in some time, not since returning from the coast. I had tried visiting him on a couple of occasions but he never seemed to be around, the stolen mansion deserted and cold. I could only hope that he had found a place to stay until the snows were over, the hole in the roof not being conducive to staying warm over the winter.

     I couldn't help myself. I sprang from my seat and wrapped my arms about his neck in a hug. He was stiff at first, unused to physical contact that wasn't meant to harm, but soon he relaxed and placed his hands at my waist. I turned slightly, burying my nose into the soft hair at the nape of his neck. He smelled of worn leather and skin warmed by sunshine, and that metallic tang that I associated with steel and lyrium. It was a thrilling scent that had my knees a little wobbly.

     Varric chuckled and I turned to him, arms still around the elf. “Don't even think about it.”

     “About what?” he cried in mock hurt. “Writing a torrid love story about you and the elf? Wouldn't hear of it.”

\     I sighed and dragged Fenris to sit with us. "Fenris, how would you feel about helping us out tonight?”

     “Of course,” he replied without preamble.

     I looked at him next to me, slightly surprised. “What? No questions, just 'Of course'?”

     “Yes. I would help you in anything you needed.”

     He was so matter-of-fact, so stoic that I had to smile, to tease just a little. “And what if I said that what I wanted was for you to throw me across this table and take me?”

     His eyes darkened with heat and my breath caught in my throat. He smiled, a true smile, not a quick lift of the lips, and leaned in close to my ear. “With the dwarf watching?”

     Varric's sputter of laughter was just what I needed to keep from saying yes. But damn was it hard! “Ugh...N-no! No. We're off to talk to a lovely gent by the name of Wall-Eyed Sam tonight and we could always use a bit of backup.”

     “What of Hawke,” he asked. “Or the Abomination?”

    “Garrett and _Anders_ ,” I replied with a frown, “are out at Sundermount with Isabela. They'll be gone a while and we can't wait.”

     “Why in the Maker's name would they go out there this time of year?” the elf asked, shuddering. Snow had begun to fall lightly this morning, and being from the north, he had never really acclimated to the cold.

     “Long story,” I said, shaking my head slightly. “I'll tell you later. In the meantime it's just you,me and Varric.”

     “What of Sebastian?”

     Varric gave a very undignified snort for which I shot him a dirty look. Turning back to Fenris I tilted my head in thought. “Do you think he'd help out without Hawke here?”

     “You could ask and find out.”

     I thought about it for a moment, but shook my head. “Not yet. If it turns out we might need a bit more back up I'll run up to the Chantry and talk to him.”

     Fenris nodded, everything settled in his mind. Sometimes I really envied him his clarity. A decision had been made and that was that as far as he was concerned. I, on the other hand, changed my mind every two minutes and argued other people's choices simply because I could. It frustrated even me sometimes.

     “All right, you two,” Varric said, chuckling as he stood and stretched out his back. “I have letters to write and ledgers to balance. I'll meet you both here at seven?”

     I nodded and the dwarf packed up his books and pens and lumbered up the stairs to his suite. Fenris, on the other hand, stayed seated with me, now staring down at the table but lightly brushing his little finger against the side of my hand. He seemed lost in the depths of his thoughts and I couldn't decided if those thoughts were pleasant.

     “Fenris?” I said softly, twisting my fingers to catch his. “What is it?” He didn't respond for some time, and I thought that maybe he hadn't heard me before he spoke. He still wouldn't look at me and I could see a slight flush creeping up his jaw. What he was thinking of was...embarrassing?

     “Some weeks ago, Hawke gave me a gift. A...book that I could not read. He promised to teach me, but things have become so hectic recently that he seems to have forgotten. Could...would you be willing...”

     I reached over and gently cupped his cheek, forcing him to look me in the eye. “Of course I'll help. When would you like to start?”

      _Oh my God! There ARE puppy dog eyes!_ “Today? Before this evening's trip?”

     I thought for a moment, then grabbed up his hand and pulled him up and along with me. “Let's go! We have a stop to make first.”

                    *************************************************

 

Seven bells came too quickly as far as I was concerned. After a brief stop at a Hightown booksellers for a couple of children's primers and a special little gift, Fenris and I retired to Hawke's mansion and set up in the study's loft. We put together a learning space, table, chairs, books, a slate and chalk as well as parchment and pens. We spent the afternoon poring over the primers, mostly doing letter association. Pictures of common objects next to a large print of the first letter in it's name. I knew it frustrated him to learn as a child would, but as I told him- repeatedly, at nauseum it seemed- you had to crawl before you could walk, walk before you could run.

     We met Varric outside the Hanged Man and headed into Darktown, prepared for a fight, but hoping for the best.

     The best was not to be. We found Sam's hovel only to learn that my quarry had run out to the Wounded Coast after group of slavers had nearly taken him. A quick search of his home proved only that he must have taken the book with him and that he was a horrendous housekeeper.

     “We are going to have to go to him, I sense.” I looked up from my perusal of a pile of papers on a small table and realized that Fenris was right. And that if I took Fenris, something was going to happen.

     “Could you run to the Chantry and request Sebastian's aid, Fenris? Varric and I will meet you at the eastern gate.”

     He nodded and disappeared into the alleys of Darktown. “Any reason we're bringing Choir Boy, there, Starlight?” Varric asked, sauntering out of a small sleeping chamber, whipping his hands down with a cloth from his belt pouch.

     I looked down at my hands, clenched on the table and sighed deeply. “Because we're about to do something that I was hoping to put off for as long as possible. Until he was a little more able to deal with his emotions. And he's going to need all the friends he can get.”

                             ****************************************

 

     Saving Orana and sending her to Kirkwall was easy. Killing Hadriana was satisfying and easy. Dealing with an emotionally wrecked, glowing elf was hard.

     “You saw what they did here. There will always be some excuse, some lie mages concoct to defend there actions. What has magic touched that it hasn't spoiled?” He turned, rubbing at his face with bloodstained gauntlets, suddenly tired after his angry tirade.

     But I was still angry.

     I latched onto his arm and twisted him to look at me. “Am I so terrible, Fenris? Do you think I would be here, that we would ever have really met, without magic? What about you? Do you think the magic that mas done to you has turned you into some irredeemable monster? Of course not! Magic isn't inherently evil, just some of the people that wield it. And I am so sick of you maligning every mage, men, women and children that only want to live their lives, maybe even help ungrateful gits like you!”

    He flared, bright blue-white light filling the cavern and Sebastian swore to the Maker under his breath. Varric just cocked Bianca and waited. But the light faded and Fenris no longer looked rage filled. Just...sad.

     But I, on the other hand, was still pissed. I threw my hands up in surrender. “You know what? Think what you want. I'll meet you in town!” And I stormed off. Apparently somebody needed to leave the party at this point in the story, and this time it was going to be me.

     I ran blindly along the coast. The waves were choppy now with the change in the season. Dark forbidding grey with thick white foam. I would find a place to stop, to stare out over the ocean, but then I would hear one of the others calling my name and I would run again. I didn't want to have to deal with any of them right now. I never realized how much Fenris' hatred of magic had hurt me. I didn't understand why, really. It's not like I was a mage myself or anything. But it was true that magic of some sort had brought me here, to these wonderful people that I could love with all my heart, and the elf's rejection of magic felt like an irrational rejection of me. I knew it was stupid of me, but there it was.

      I ran until I found a cavern, up in the hills, near where the Tal-Vashoth had holed up years ago. There was a fire going and signs of habitation. “Hello the camp I called before anyone might have been startled by me. “May I approach?”

     A squeaky voice called from the bushes. “Who goes there? How many in yer party?” I giggled. Could it be? Was this the wonderful Wall-Eyed Sam that I had been searching for? “The name's Selena. I'm alone at the moment, though there are three others in my party, farther up the coast,” I lied. _Okay, not really a lie, but definitely not the whole truth._ “May I approach?” I asked again.

     He wiggled out from beneath the bush and eyed me speculatively. I was armed and armoured of course, but that didn't seem to be an issue. “You got any food on ya?”

     I twisted my head, looking about the nearby areas. About thirty feet or so away, a nug was sniffing hopefully at a pile of refuse. In a blink I pulled my bow from my back, drew and fired. I surprised Sam, causing him to jump and nearly pee himself. I went to fetch the nug, offering it to him. “Sorry it's not boiled first but if you can stand the gameyness, it's not too bad. He smiled grateful and took it from my hands.

     “I'm Sam,”he said, setting about to prepare the meal. “Wall-Eyed Sam to me friends.”

     I chuckled. “I knew that actually. I've been looking for you.”

     The man panicked, dropping the nug in the dirt and backing away. I raised my hands in peace. “Nothing bad, I promise! I'm not here to harm you in any way. I just need to talk to you about something you've been trying to sell. A book.”

    The man squinted in what he must have thought was a shrewd way- and he really was wall-eyed, the poor thing- and pursed his lips. “What do you know about it?”

     “I know _everything_ about it, Sam. And I want to buy it off you. Maybe for enough to get you to Antiva for the winter. Away from a bunch of Tevinters that would probably kill you as look at you.” I pulled out my coin pouch and jingled it in my palm. I had hoped to be able to settle this peacefully and cam prepared. I could see his eyes following the bag, licking at his chapped lips and grinning.

     “I think maybe we can come up with a deal.” he said slowly, trying to sound savvy. It just wasn't working for him. I cringed in sympathy. I opened the neck of the bag, being sure that Sam could see the glint of gold sovereigns inside. “No 'dealing' Sam. There's fifty sovereigns in this pouch, a vast fortune for someone like you. You will give me the book and I will give you the pouch. You will use a small portion to get yourself to Antiva as quickly as possible. Those are the terms and you will take them. Or you will be stuck in Kirkwall, in Darktown, over the winter with no money and big bad people after your ass. Got it?”

     He tried, he really did, but the rabbity panic I saw in his eyes told me he would take the deal. Finally he nodded and scurried into the cavern, returning moments later with a cloth wrapped bundle. He handed it to me and I reverently peeled back it's cover.

     It was a fairly plain, leather bound book, large and unwieldy, covered in smeared dust and not a few drops of old, dried blood. I nodded, recovered it and tossed Sam the pouch. “Pleasure doing business with you, Sam. Now remember- Antiva. Quickly.”

     “Yes! Yes messere! Quick as I can book passage!” he squeaked, dropping to his knees to scoop up the coins, some of which had escaped the bag.

     I turned, walking back down the path to the main trail where I was sure to find the boys at some point. I had what I came for and it was time to face the music that was Fenris.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NSFW!!!!! Chapter's a little shorter, but there's smut so that makes up for a lot!

     I was standing at the inlet that my kidnappers had used not all that long ago, clutching the Tome of Koslun to my chest and staring out at the ocean. I was trying to figure out...oh so many things. How I felt about Garrett, Anders...Fenris. When had I begun feeling as though Kirkwall were home. A home that needed protecting. When I had decided that it was my job to do it. Once upon a time, my only worries had been making sure the groceries and laundry got done. Now...well.

     I heard him coming from up the hill, and considering he was a rogue, Sebastian had to have made the noise on purpose so as not to startle me. I smiled in appreciation.

     “It's beautiful, isn't it?” he asked, looking out across the water.

    “Yes. It is.” I said softly, gripping to the book tighter.

    “Are you all right, m'lady?” Oh that sweet Starkhaven brogue. I could so understand how he became the bad boy back in his youth.

     “Yes, Sebastian. I'm all right. I just...needed to think for a while.”

     “He is beside himself with worry and contrition.”

      I turned to look up at the Chantry brother, though he was still staring into the ocean's waves. “What do you mean?”

     Sebastian turned to look me in the eye, blue eyes so startling against that natural tan and rich auburn hair. “It is the closest I have ever seen him to a panic. When Varric spotted your tracks coming down here, he and I convinced Fenris to stay up on the trail and wait until I might be able to bring you. We were afraid that you might run again upon seeing him. Or possibly do something rash.”

     I chuckled. “The only rash thing I might be tempted to do would be to stab him in the eye or fuck him in the surf. And the eyes are too pretty and the water's too cold.”

     “That would be rash, now, wouldn't it,” the man laughed. After another moment, his smile vanished into concern. “You know that, should you need an ear, I am always available.”

     I was surprised. This man barely knew me, and certainly didn't know everything about how I came to be here, and yet he was willing to be my sounding board. Actually, he was probably just willing to be my confessor, but it was the thought that counts. I nodded with a smile and began the trek up the path to the main trail.

     I hadn't even seen him before Fenris was there, arms around me, face buried into my neck. He was panting, as though having having run miles to find me and his markings flashed upon contact. With my arms filled with the large tome, I couldn't reciprocate or push him away. Not that I would.

     I think what threw me was the shock of Fenris initiating touch. Touch of any kind was a tricky subject with the elf considering his background, and finding his arms wrapped around me of their own accord was a wonderful surprise.

     He pulled back and looked me in the eye, though his head was bowed and his eyes hooded. “You are well? Nothing...untoward happened?”

     “I'm fine, Fenris. Nothing a good run on the beach couldn't fix. And I found Sam.” I replied, holding up the book.

     “Good on ya, Starlight!” Varric laughed. “Now let's get home out of this damnable cold and drink ourselves stupid!

     I laughed. “Sounds like a plan.”

                ************************************************                     

 

     By the time we returned to the city limits, exhaustion had finally caught up with me. With the sun lightening the sky to the east, I decided to forgo the Hanged Man and head directly to Hawke's. We dropped Varric off first, then Sebastian at the Chantry steps. Fenris could have turned off there and headed towards his own home, but decided to escort me instead.

     Outside the front door, the elf reached out and took my wrist, pulling me to a stop. His eyes were downcast, his posture subservient, but he didn't let go. It was awkward with the tome clutched to my chest.“Fenris? What is it?”

     “You were right,” he said in a hushed, almost nervous voice. “You were right and I am sorry.”

     “Right about what exactly?”

      “Not all mages are evil. Not all magics are evil. It is a lesson that I find difficult to learn, but for you...for you I shall try.”

     It took my breath away. More than a kiss, more than a declaration of love. Just that simple acknowledgement that, for me, he was willing to change the view of his entire world. I shifted the heavy tome to one arm while I used the other to pull the elf towards me.

     He began to gasp, but it was swallowed in the passion of the kiss. I wanted- no needed- to show him that he was loved. That I appreciated what he was willing to do for me. It began as a rough, searching thing, but soon Fenris wove his gauntletted fingers up and into my hair, pulling me back, turning the kiss into a soft, tender act. I could feel a low hum from his lyrium and I moaned into his lips.

     He pulled back with a soft chuckle. “You taste of sweetberries.”

     I grinned. “Well, I do eat enough of them.” I turned and opened the door, knowing that he would follow, and entered the estate. Bodahn greeted us with a smile and news that Garrett and Anders had yet to return, and that Leandra was visiting friends for the day. I thanked the dwarf and continued through the main foyer and up the marble staircase to my rooms. Fenris followed me silently.

     He waited just long enough for me to put the book down gently on a side table before he was there, taking me into his arms and kissing me once again. This was no longer a soft press of the lips. It was as though he was trying to crawl into the kiss, lips and tongue and teeth.

      Coats, leathers and breast plate were soon littering the floor as we made our way to the bed. My brain was trying to scream at me through the lust-addled fog. To stop while I could, before we came together and things were irrevocably changed between us, but I just couldn't seem to make my body listen. His fingers trailed down, finding the hem of my tunic and slipping it up over my head, then slid to brush over engorged nipples. I gasped and arched back into the touch. Even unlit, his brands felt like the mildest electrical current was pulsing over my skin. Just that lightest of touches had me soaking my smalls. And Fenris knew it.

     Breastband, breeches and smalls seemed to melt from our bodies while I was gasping from his touch. Damned elf was talented, I'd give him that! I pulled away, long enough to move us to the bed, laying out for him to take, to taste and touch. I knew it was bad. That it was too much for him and that the emotional high that he was about to feel would be too much for him, but I couldn't stop. Not now. We were both too far gone. Normally I was all for foreplay, but tonight...tonight build up was not only not necessary but a distraction. Instead of taking him in my mouth as I would have done, I instead used my fingers, tracing the beautiful swirling tattoos that marked his flesh. He hissed and I began to pull back but he grabbed onto my wrists and placed my hands flat upon his chest. With an encouraging nod, I went back to my tracery.

     They were wonderful, really. Fantastic art brought about by the worst imaginable pain. I slid my fingers across his skin, the barest of brushing along the raised brands. I could feel how he reacted, leaning into the touch, caressing his hands along my breasts, my stomach, my hips. He was there, kneeling between my knees, holding em as though I might disappear or fly away. Suddenly he pulled me forward, burying himself to the hilt with a gasp. It was as though he touched every part of me at once, the buzz of the lyrium flaring off of sensitive nerve endings. Whit lights burst beneath my eyelids, driving me to orgasm before Fenris had even moved. I screamed with it, writhing around him as his hands held my hips, trying vainly to keep me still.

     He growled, low in his throat, setting off more vibrations throughout my body. He leaned down, nipping and biting at my neck as he began the slow, rhythmic pumping of my sex. I couldn't seem to figure out what to do with my hands. They wrapped themselves around him, only to slip to the bed and clutch at the sheets. I could feel the building of another orgasm, a fire in the pit of my stomach.

     He sensed it as well. “Come for me. Let me feel you around me, carissimi. Now.”

     It was as though that one word was a trigger. It was blinding, intense, and Fenris followed with a heart wrenching scream and the bright flare of his markings. That last full phasing of his body brought a third, whimpering shudder of orgasm to my already taught body and I ended up passing out the bed in a tangle of limbs and sweat and cum.

     I woke to see him dressed, staring into the flames of the hearth, and I knew what was coming. I couldn't seem to stop the words, the lines of the game that had him running away from the love of his life. I always choked up when this happened in the game, but to have it play out in front of me had my heart breaking. I managed to hold in the tears until he was gone, apology still fresh in the air. But as soon as I heard the door close below, I grabbed up my pillow and screamed my desolation into it. And I vowed that I would not lose him. That, no matter what, Fenris would be happy. Even if I couldn't provide that happiness.


	24. Chapter 24

 

     “Do you want me to go over there and beat him up?”

     I looked up, surprised from my revery to find Hawke sitting next to me on the study's sofa. I had been so deep in thought I hadn't heard him approach. He looked so sad, and more than a little angry on my behalf.

     When the boys returned from Sundermount, they had known right away that something was seriously wrong. I tried to hide it. They didn't need to be dealing with my emotional angst on top of everything else that went so crazy in their daily lives, but eventually it was Anders that pried it out of me. Then he promptly went out into the garden, to the small training yard we had built out there, and set fire to each of the training dummies.

     Strangely, it was Hawke the Berserker that was able to keep his cool, using wit and humour to try a coax a smile from my lips. Oh, don't get me wrong, he raged and screamed when he thought I couldn't hear, even went bandit hunting and called them all Fenris before he killed them, but while there with me his first thought was to cheer me.

     Two weeks later and I had yet to hear any word on Fenris. He had locked himself away in his decapitated mansion, refusing to speak or see anyone. With the snows finally arrived and Satinalia approaching, I was wondering if I should just go there and drag him out, maybe to the Hanged Man with it's warmth and distractions. Not to mention that we had yet to have another reading lesson and I knew how important those were to him.

     I leaned into Garrett's shoulder and smiled. It was a wan, tired thing, but I tried. “No thanks, Big Guy. He feels bad enough, he doesn't need to have you rip him a new one.”

     “'Rip him a new one'? What does that mean?” Hawke asked, perplexed.

     “Sorry. Earth saying. Rip him a new asshole. His is big enough.” He laughed, wrapping an arm around me and pulling me tight.

     “That's pretty good. I'll have to remember that one.”

     We sat like that for a time, comfortable and comforting, before I patted him on the knee and stood, stretching. “All right, that's enough of that. I can not keep wallowing around like some love sick teenager.”

     “Okay. What did you plan on doing?” Garrett asked, grinning.

     “I have a book to return to the Qunari and, assuming I survive the experience, then I thought I might start up a snowball fight in Lowtown.”

     The look of surprised shock on Garrett's face was enough to send me into a fit of giggles. “Snow ball- Wait! What do you mean 'survive the experience'?”

     “Well, the Qunari have always kind of struck me as the kill first, ask questions never kind of people and I'm about to bring them the one thing they've been searching for since they arrived here. They might just assume I'm the thief and strike me down right then and there, or maybe try and indoctrinate me into the Qun- which would not be an easy thing, let me tell you. And I'm about to do this without Fenris at my back, our one resource on everything Qunari.”

     “Then why do it at all?” Hawke asked, reaching out and taking my hand in his. “Get one of your urchin messengers to do it or something.”

     “I would be signing their death warrant. If I do it myself, I might be able to talk my way out of it. It's a long shot, admittedly...”

     “The I'm coming with you,” he said determinedly, standing and moving out to the foyer's armour and weapons racks. That was it, no further discussion, just a definitive statement. “The Arishok had dealt with me before. If they try and take you, they'll have to go through me first.”

     I smiled and ran up the stairs to quickly slip on my leathers. There was no point in arguing with him when he wore that face. It was his 'I'm going to get my way so just leave it' face. I shucked into a thick woollen coat, leaving it open for easy access to my blades. Unfortunately, with the compound's tight quarters and the Arishok's advantageously raised dais, my bow would be next to useless.

     When I returned downstairs, Anders was there as well and he moved in to hug me. “Bodahn came down to fetch me. Said that you were heading off to get yourself killed then start a snowball fight. Didn't want to miss a good snowball fight.”

     “Tell you what, the Qunari don't kill me on principal for touching their precious book, and you get to hit me with the first snowball,” I smiled into his feathers, breathing deep of dust and peppermint and Anders.

     Garrett moved in behind me, wrapping his long arms around us both, resting his cheek in my hair. It was comforting, being held by these men that I loved. They were parts of my heart that I didn't want to lose.

     But I would give them up to get back that piece of my soul.

                          **********************************

 

     The only concession the Qunari seemed to give to the snow was the addition of thick leather vests over their chests. It was as though the elements were afraid to touch them.

     We were let in easily enough upon seeing Hawke and I really hoped that maybe his presence would keep them from turning on me. I was scared shitless, clutching their cloth bundled tome close to my chest, fingers white knuckled around it. If Anders hadn't had his hand at my back, urging me forward, I probably would have lost my nerve and run for it. But no. I started this whole 'save the city' thing, and by God I would finish it!

     “Woman. Step forward.” a deep voice boomed. I'd never really heard a voice boom before. Well, maybe James Earl Jones, but never in real life.

     Man, was he ever tall! I had had a friend in high school that was just over seven feet, but I knew that the Arishok would have dwarfed even him. He was all massive muscles and red paint and gold accents. A showpiece of power. Intimidating and beautiful.

     “Greetings, Arishok,” I said, bowing before him, holding the book out in stretched arms. “I bring you that for which you seek.”

     The giant motioned to one of his men, who plucked it from my fingers and brought it to the dais. Reverently, the Qunari leader peeled back the simple cloth covering, and while he reacted only with a flash of surprise, his men gasped and swore. At least I assume they swore, it was all in Qunlat.

     The Arishok recovered the book and handed it back to his man, turning his attention back to me. “How did you come by this?”

      _Okay, crappy acting skills, here we go_. “I took it from a thief.”

     “And what has become of this thief?”

“Taken care of.” _pleasethinkIzzy'sdeadpleasethinkIzzy'sdeadpleasethinkIzzy'sdead._

     He sat, staring down at us, unblinking for some moments before nodding. “We will return to Par Vollen with the Tome of Koslun once the harbour ices have receded. Panahedan Hawke. Woman of Hawke.”

     Knowing we were being dismissed, we hurried out of the compound, up the stairs towards Lowtown, not stopping until we had reached the landing at the top. By then we were laughing and breathing heavily, unused adrenaline making each of us giddy.

     “By God, we did it!” I said, bent over, hands on my knees. “We really did it!”

     “No, love. You did it,” Anders answered, resting a hand on my back, still laughing. “I don't even know what, for sure you did, but the Qunari are leaving.”

     “Long story,” I said standing straight and smiling. “but right now we have a snowball fight to start. Come on! There's a big open square in front of Gamlen's that would be perfect!”

     I began to race ahead of the boys, but Anders calling my name made me turn. Directly into a face full of snow.

     “You did say I got first throw,” he said in mock innocence.

     And for one short, wintery afternoon, I forgot all about Fenris and family and heart wrenching pain.


	25. Chapter 25

     I swallowed hard and girded my loins. I had always wondered what that really meant, but I got it now. It wasn't fun. Standing at Fenris' doorstep, lesson books in hand, I was scared to death of what was about to happen. Would he be cold? Angry? Would he even be here, what with the hole in his roof and the snows coming down.

     Finally I gathered my courage and knocked. And waited.

     Knocked again. And waited.

     After an interminable time I reached down and tried the knob, surprised that it turned so easy in my hand. I pushed the door open and the squeak I had come to expect was gone. _What the hell?_

     Inside was dark, cold enough that my breath plumed through the air. He hadn't cleaned, bodies still littered the nooks and crannies, but for some reason Fenris had oiled the squeak that let him know when someone had entered the house. That was not a good sign.

     “Fenris?” I called, carefully making my way through the grand foyer and up the stairs to the room he used as his. “Fenris, it's Selena. Are you home?” I heard a slight shuffling from further into the room and entered with trepidation.

     It was just as cold here as the rest of the house. Colder even, as the hole in the roof was letting in a drift of snow in the centre of the floor. The hearth had obviously not been lit in some time and the floor seemed to be littered with more wine bottles than were normal. Though normal was still a fair number.

     The shuffling had come from the bed, a mound of blankets that was visibly shivering. With that many blankets, the form underneath had to be having almost convulsions from the cold.

     I sighed, placing the lesson books on the long table at which Fenris took his meals and set about getting a fire started. Over the last few months I had become adept at the use of flint and steel to light tinder, though I would give my right arm for a lighter some days.

      Once the tinder had caught and the fire was burning brightly I turned to the room. First I found every bowl, urn and bucket I could throughout the house and scooped up as much of the snow as I could and placed the receptacle near the fire. Fresh water was fresh water, after all. I then used my booted feet to push as much as was left out into the hall, away from the door. I hadn't found a broom in my searching, so the dirt and cobwebs would just have to wait. The bottles, on the other hand, got packed up in some salvaged wooden crates and set near the front entry. I would refill them from the casks at Hawke's estate and return them.

     And now, the moment I had been putting off. I approached the bed with trepidation, uncertain of my welcome. “Fenris? I'm going to pull the blankets down now. Just a little, so I can see your face. All right?”

      There was no answer, just another shudder. I screwed up my resolve and slowly pulled the blankets back. Fingers reached out and snatched at my wrist, biting into the skin. Thankfully, he wasn't wearing his gauntlets.

     His head slithered slowly from the coverings, hair damp with sweat, skin paler than usual and flushed as though too warm, though he still shivered with the cold. “What are you doing here?” he whispered hoarsely.

     “I came for our reading lesson, Fenris. But you're sick,” I exclaimed, laying my other hand upon his brow. He was hot with fever and his eyes closed with a groan as I touched him. My first thought was to run and fetch Anders, but Fenris would never allow the mage to heal him, so I decided to wait. Do my best to care for the elf myself and only go to Anders as a last resort.

     It took some doing but I managed to pry my wrist from Fenris' fingers and went to where I had left the lesson books, pulling out parchment, quill and ink. After writing out a quick note I fairly flew to the front entry, ripped open the door and whistled. In short order, one of the many children I had begun paying to run errands and messages for me arrived, a young girl in blond pigtails, swimming in an oversized coat. I handed her the note, sending her to Hawke's for Bodahn to pack together some spare clothing and Orana to scrounge some foodstuffs. Fenris had little here at the mansion- except wine of course.

     Upstairs again, I found a piece of torn rag that wasn't too dirty and wet it with the melting snow near the fire, bringing it to the bed and laying it across Fenris' brow. He moaned at the sensation but did not open his eyes. _Oh, this is so not good. What I wouldn't give for some NyQuil right about now._

     Bodahn and Sandal came, laden down with packs and baskets filled to the brim and I thanked them profusely as they helped me bring everything upstairs. Bodahn asked about fetching Anders but I assured him that if things got worse I would do just that. In the meantime, for him to let everyone know where I was and that I would return as soon as Fenris was better. He nodded with a customary 'very good, messere' and took his son back out into the winter streets.

     I sighed and slid a chair from the hearth closer to the bed, arranging some cold chicken, cheese and a couple of Orana's amazing chocolate tarts on a plate on the small bedside table, as well as a cup of water from the rapidly melting snow for each of us. Finally, with the room warming from the fire, I shucked my thick coat and settled in the chair, one of the books I brought with me resting in my lap.

     I had brought one of Varric's serials, Hard in Hightown, to read together on a lark, to maybe break the ice if things were too tense between us. Now I opened it to the beginning, reading aloud. Whether he really heard me or not didn't matter. The silence needed to be filled.

                            ***********************************

 

     “What are you doing here, mage?”

     “Bodahn told me she was here and that you were sick.”

     “I will live.”

    “Oh sure you will. As long as you get your ass out of this rat infested dump and into somewhere warm, without snow in the middle of your bedroom.”

     “I will...think on it.”

     “See that you do. I don't want her getting sick, too, sleeping in chairs in freezing rooms trying to take care of your ungrateful ass.”

                                 *************************************

 

     I guess I fell asleep reading, or at least that's what the crick in my back was telling me. Not to mention the sight of Fenris sitting up, sipping on the now tepid cup of water. The blankets were still pulled up to his neck, his fingers barely visible over the edge, tipping the cup to his lips. His eyes were closed, almost savouring the liquid as he would his fine wines.

     His eyes flashed open, deep green slightly glassy, but so much more aware and I couldn't help but smile. It didn't matter what had happened between us before. Fenris was doing better, was going to thrive, and that was all that really mattered in the end.

      “Why are you here?”

_Okay, maybe not. Jesus, does he ever sound pissed._ I held up the book still lying in my lap. “Reading lesson.”

     He grunted and struggled to put the cup back on the table. When it nearly slipped from his grasp I scooped it up and set it gently. The elf scowled, whether at me or the cup I wasn't sure. “I did not expect you to continue,” he stated softly.

     “I know, but I thought I would at least give you the choice.”

    This threw him. His eyes widened and he opened his mouth momentarily in shock. “My choice?”

     I smiled and lifted my fingers to brush across his cheek. He no longer felt quite as warm, much to my relief. “Yes, Fenris. Your choice. Your choice whether or not to continue your lessons. Your choice whether or not you wish to remain here or come back to Hawke's with me. Your choice whether or not to...see me. Always your choice.”

     He stared at me, flabbergasted as I smiled at him. “No...no one has ever given me a choice before.”

     “Oh, you've chosen many times, Fenris. I just don't think you realized it. You chose to come to Kirkwall as you ran. You chose to stay with Hawke, even though your perceived debt to him has been paid a thousand times over. You choose whether or not to go to the Hanged Man on Wicked Grace night. You chose...well, we both know what you chose.”

     We sat quietly, listening to the fire crackle in the hearth, the soft patter of snowfall against the window, against the floor, our own heartbeats. Suddenly, Fenris began struggling with the myriad of blankets heaped upon his torso, swearing under his breath as he did.

     “What are you doing?” I asked, trying to help, though more likely making it more difficult for him to escape his woollen bondage.

     “I am making a choice. I will accompany you to Hawke's and stay there until this place might become habitable again.” he grumbled. “P-please help me with a pack?”

     I couldn't help but smile. Here he was, sweating and weak, fumbling with blankets unable to pack his own bag, but he was consciously making his first real freedom.

      My heart swelled with pride.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As per usual, I've posted this on my Tumblr as well (https://www.tumblr.com/blog/selenehawke), and if you're interested, there's an inspiration pic at the end over there of the ring.

     Holidays in Thedas was something I had never really contemplated during game play. I knew they existed, of course. I'd read the books, the Wiki entries, but it was just a fact that I kept in the back of my head. But here, in real life- I can't believe I'm getting used to that- holidays are a _thing._

     It was Satinalia and with the inclusion of Orana and Fenris to the household, Leandra decided that it was time to throw a party. Oh, not one of those haughty Hightown parties, with boring talk and old geezers that don't know not to touch. No, this would be a friends and loved ones party. The people we couldn't do without and thanked God, the Maker, whoever, everyday of our lives that they were there.

     Finding gifts for all my new friends was a bit of a challenge, but that was half the fun. For Merrill I went to a toymaker in the Alienage and purchased a small, intricately carved set of Halla, all in different poses.

     For Varric I took his Hard in Hightown serials to a book binder, having them bound in hand tooled and gold chased leather binding.

     Isabela's gift had had the goldsmith blushing and laughing. It was a thick gold armband, professionally etched with figures in sexual positions. A lot of them. And then I got her the biggest, gaudiest hat I could find, in bright pink with feathers and dried fruit, just because I knew it would make her laugh.

    It took some time to come up with something for Sebastian that wasn't just something Chantry or archery related. Finally, hidden in a dusty, unused section of shelves at a booksellers, I found it. A bound collection of letters and essays written by the Princes of Starkhaven, all the way back to the very beginning.

     The dwarves and Orana were easy. Stout leather slippers for Bodahn with lambs wool insoles, to rest his feet after taking care of us lazy louts all day, and speciality enchantment supplies for Sandal. And a big, red ball that he could throw for Spirit. You know, the simple pleasures. For Orana I bought dresses. The poor girl left a life of slavery with only the clothing on her back, and even that had been barely holding together. Getting her measurements had been a bit of a trick, but that is what I'm best known for.

     Leandra. What to get for the Hightown Lady that could get anything she really wanted. I ended up in the Chantry Library, and with Sebastian's help found the birth and death records of the Amells of Kirkwall. And with a little secretive tinkering, added Malcolm, Garrett, Bethany and Carver. It wasn't much, but it was that little bit of proof that they had lived, had been a family.

     For Anders, I replaced the simple gold hoop he had once been so famous for, before Justice. That tiny reclaiming of the man he once was. And for Garrett I found a match. Inside each hoop was engraved the name of the other. As proof that they could move forward, together.

     Fenris' gift was simple. A tiny blank book, a journal. For when he felt confident enough in his writing, he could fill with all the things that he really wanted to remember.

     Even Gamlen was getting a gift of sorts. Varric had tracked down Mara and she had sent a letter. I didn't know what was in it, hoping it wasn't filled with vitriol and pain, but at least it was something. And just maybe, when the night was over, he would know that he had a daughter out there in the wide world.

     It was a night filled with raucous laughter, singing and mirth. Kind of like Christmas growing up, but with more alcohol and sexual innuendos. Orana and Bodahn had outdone themselves with the meal, a thick haunch of something akin to beef, drench in a candied fruit sauce that seemed to bring out the flavour of the meat instead of mask it. There were vegetables and breads, even some spicy Rivaini concoction that had my eyes watering with just a tiny taste. Isabela was beside herself with glee over that one.

     When it came time for gift giving, there were tears of joy all around. Leandra gushed, crying so hard with her arms around my neck that I thought for sure one of us was going to drown until Garrett gently pulled her away and sat her near the fire. Even Gamlen came and kissed my cheek, vowing to reach out to Mara and maybe try and fix things between them.

     There were even a couple of boxes for me. Most of the guys had pooled their funds and bought me new armour, supple black leather with metal studs of varying size, beginning at the shoulder and thinning out the further down it went. Light stars in a night sky. I kissed them each for my gift, even Sebastian though I knew it would make Hawke uncomfortable. I still didn't understand why Garrett tensed up whenever we were near each other, but that was for another day.

     When it came time for the smaller box, Hawke had me sitting on the sofa, all of our friends lined up behind, Fenris and Anders at his side. It was a smaller box, the length and width of a necklace container, but taller. Painted rosewood with the Hawke emblem in the centre, hinged and latched in gold. He looked down at the box in his fingers, fumbling with it until Anders placed a hand on his arm.

      “You once told me that marriage was out of the question because I hadn't given you a ring.” he said, eyes downcast and hands shaking.

     I frowned, taking and opening the box. Inside was a miracle of metal work. Three rings in filigreed silverite, held together with thin chain links. Adorning each ring was a stone- blue sapphire, amber, and emerald. The eyes of the three men that I loved. At first glance I thought the rings would go across three fingers, but then realized that the chains were placed wrong for that. It was more like the finger of a gauntlet, each ring sitting just below a knuckle.

     I looked up in shock and surprise. “But Garrett-”

     “I know that, while you love both Anders and I, it's Fenris that owns that little piece of your soul. This is something that we discussed, all three of us. What if someone outside or our little circle were to...learn about your past? You might be hauled off to Meredith, or even executed as an unknown. A link to the Amells of Kirkwall will give you that bit of clout, some standing that that bitch goddess won't fuck with.”

     “Garrett! Language!”

     “Sorry, Mother. Add to that, Anders can't marry either of us according to Chantry Law and they would fight you tooth and nail if you tried to marry Fenris. According to the law, you would be marrying me. But according to this ring, according to us, you would be gaining all of us. Is...is that all right?”

     I couldn't help it. I couldn't stop the tears even with my face breaking open with a smile. I jumped up and wrapped my arms around his massive shoulders and just held on, crying like an idiot. Soon Anders added his arms to the hug, and even Fenris threaded his fingers into my hair. It was an emotional, teary mess until Merrill exclaimed that she wanted to see the ring, and suddenly I was surrounded by cheering and glee befitting the holiday.

                                  ***************************************

 

     It was dark and quiet now, friends headed home and family tucked into bed. During his stay Fenris had been sleeping in my room while I switched off sleeping in Anders' next door or, when the mage needed to be alone or was at the clinic late, in the big bed with Garrett, sometimes for sex but more often not.

     I was rummaging through a drawer in the armoire, trying to decided what sleep clothes to take with me when Fenris reached out and took my hand. I looked up, surprised. Since our night together, even knowing how we each felt, touches were few and far between. To have him instigate even this brief contact was a shock.

     “I...have two more gifts for you,” he said softly, looking away as he spoke, as though afraid to see my reaction.

     “Fenris, you didn't have to give me anything. Thank you,” I replied, wondering just what the elf felt he could give me. He released my hand and turned to his pack, sitting on the floor near the bed. After a quick rummage he returned with a bundle of neatly folded cloth. When he put it in my hands, though, it felt too heavy to be just fabric and rattled and clinked like metal. I placed the bundle on the bed and carefully unwrapped it. Inside were a series of small picture frames, a dozen in all, all in silver. They were the perfect size for the photographs of my family.

     I couldn't speak, just stare at these perfect little frames with eyes overflowing with tears. _Damn but I'm weepy today_ , I thought to myself, grinning like an idiot.

     “They are to your liking, then,” Fenris said softly. I looked up at him, pleased beyond measure. “They are perfect, Fenris. Absolutely perfect. But there's more here than I have to fill them.”

     “Hawke will be commissioning engagement and wedding portraits as well as singles of Anders and myself to fit within the frames. I- We wanted you to be able to keep your memories close.”

     I reached out and lightly touched his arm, not the skin but where the pale dove grey linen shirt he wore rested. “Thank you, Fenris. You don't know how much this means to me.”

     “I have something else for you , as well. Though really it might be more for me than for you,” he chuckled softly, that deep, rumble that travelled straight to my groin. He moved to the bed as I watched, collecting the frames and setting them aside, then turned back to me. Slowly, as though afraid to disturb the moment, he loosened the ties and removed his shirt.

     I gawped, I admit it. Like a damned fish out of water, goggle eyed at the beautiful man before me. With a quirk of his lips he took my hand and carefully placed it, palm flat against his chest, against his heart. It was a steady, rapid heartbeat, nervousness showing only in this. “I would be greatly honoured if you would sleep with me this evening,” he began. “Not for sex, just for...closeness. To sleep.”

     I think I nodded. Pretty sure anyway, because the smile widened upon his face, something so rare and special that I couldn't help but respond.

     We spent that night curled up around each other, legs entwined, fingers touching, faces buried in hair and neck. It was warm and comforting and...perfect.


	27. Chapter 27

_I stood on the cliff, staring out at the green roiling expanse that was Thedas. The cloaked figure stood beside me, pensive and silent. Another figure stood to my other side, a warrior, ghostly and shining in blue light. None of us spoke, just watched as the storm below us began to ebb. Not completely, not even close, but the difference was palatable._

_*I'm sorry *_

_I turned to the spirit. He was looking to me now, face hidden beneath a heavy helm, eyes indiscernible._

_*Why, Justice? *_

_*I hurt him. I did not mean to. I was woefully unprepared for what it meant to be within a living host. He even less so. It is good that you separated us, sent me home. I would not see the world destroyed. *_

_*I feared you had died, Justice. You have no idea how happy I am that that didn't happen. *_

_*Please...tell him that I am sorry. And that I am well. And...happy. *_

                                     *********************************

 

     “Maybe the woman is right to fear blood mages!”

     “But she sees nothing BUT blood mages!”

     “Would you rather she saw none at all? Have them run rampant?”

     “She's killing, or making Tranquil, innocents!”

     “There ARE no innocent mages!”

      _Ugh! This is not how I wanted to wake up this morning._ They were out in the hall, judging by the noise. Fenris and Anders, at it again. I stretched with a groan, enjoying the patch of warmth on the bed next to me. So I wasn't too far behind him. With great reluctance I untangled myself from the blankets, fetched a robe and slipped out into the hall. They were at the head of the stairs, wagging fingers at each other, flushed and angry. I didn't know what had started the argument, I just knew I wanted it to stop. I had the beginnings of a doozy of a headache starting just behind my eyes and the added noise was definitely not helping.

     “All right, time out,” I said, approaching them. “It is way too early in the morning for mage debate and I have a headache brewing, so either put a lid on it or move it outside.”

     “It is cold outside,” Fenris grumbled.

     “There you go then.” I rubbed lightly at my temple, trying to will the ache away.

     “Here,” Anders began, pulling my fingers away to be replaced with his own. I could feel the cool wash of his magic over my skin, causing goosebumps and...other things. He chuckled low in his throat. “Not too early for certain things, though, I see.”

     At first I thought the growl I heard was coming from Spirit. When I realized it was coming from Fenris, that deep shiver reached further. If looks could kill, Anders would have been an eviscerated mass on the tile.

     I sighed, pulling my robe together tighter to try and cover my obvious signs of arousal. “If you two can't get along I'm going to have to ground you.”

     “We are not children, woman,”Fenris said angrily.

     “Then stop acting like it!” _Dammit! Even with Anders magic, the headache's still here._ Brushing Anders hands away, I stalked down the stairs and into the kitchen, hoping some elfroot powder in a cup of light tea would help.

     Hawke was seated at the kitchen table, a bowl of thick oatmeal covered in some kind of syrup before him, cup of what was probably coffee clutched tightly in his hands, while Orana was busily preparing tarts for the oven and whistling. As much as I normally enjoyed the elvehn woman's tunes, today it just seemed to go straight through to the back of my skull.

     “Our boyfriends are fighting again,” I sighed, sliding into a seat and placing my head in my hands, elbows on the table. “And I have the irresistible urge to pour coffee over both their heads.”

     Garrett pulled his mug closer to his face in mock fear. “No wasting the coffee on the idiots,” he admonished.

     I giggled, then groaned at the sharp pain that flared between my eyes. My fingers moved to rub at the spot.

     “Headache? Did you ask Anders to look at it?”

     “Didn't help,” I grumbled. “It's a stubborn one today.”

     “Well, maybe some fresh air will help. Merrill asked us to go over to her place today. To see how things are going with her mirror.”

     I groaned but nodded. Maybe the air would do me good, you never know. Raising my hands from my face, I saw that a cup of tea and a small flask of elfroot powder had been placed in front of me. I thanked Orana, praising her as the goddess I knew her to be, causing her to blush profusely. Tea, powder and two raspberry tarts fresh from the over later and I was as ready as I'd ever be to brave the chill of winter in Kirkwall.

                                   ********************************

 

     I decided to forgo my usual leathers today, opting for wide-legged grey trousers and blouse with a thick oxblood corset, gloves and boots, topped off with a pale green wool coat with a deep hood. The hood was a necessity today, the light of the sun shining off the snow causing sharp pain to reverberate through my skull. I didn't understand why the elfroot- let alone Anders healing hands- couldn't make the pain abate.

     I wasn't even sure why I was still going to Merrill's. Leandra had come into the kitchen and begged him to accompany her to some brunch or other and Anders had been called away to some emergency at the clinic. If Varric and Isabela hadn't come up to get us, I might have begged off, but I figured if Isabela could finally succumb to the weather and deign to wear a pair of pants- admittedly sexy pants that laced up the sides...barely- then I could visit Merrill with a headache.

     The fact that Fenris looked drop dead gorgeous in his winter finery had nothing to do with it. I swear!

     He did look good though. Layers of black wool and leather with accents of white linen and silver buckles. He even wore a pair of soft black leather boots that reached up to his knees. His only concession to his warrior nature was the addition of his gauntlets. And of course, that giant assed sword strapped to his back.

     Merrill did her best to be the perfect hostess, offering us tea and biscuits to nibble and making sure that our chairs were near enough to the hearth that we were quickly warmed from the cold. She gushed over Izzy's pants and pretended to ignore the pirate adding liberal dashes of whiskey to her beverage. Varric listened raptly as Daisy told some fabulous tale about muggers, using so many arm gestures that I thought for sure someone was going to get hit.

    When she noticed me rubbing my temples and Fenris' look of concern, she offered to fetch me some feverfew leaves to chew, but I declined. “Oh no! Last time I used that stuff I was picking leaves out of my teeth for a week.”

     “Then would you care to come see the mirror? It's almost done. I think.” she asked hesitantly.

      “Sure, Merrill. It _is_ why I came after all.”

     I stood, leaving my coat in the chair, and followed her farther into the hovel. Fenris followed like a shadow.

     “Isn't it beautiful?” she gushed.

     It was large, like a full length dressing mirror, but held together with a twisting of gnarled branches and dark metal. It seemed to almost bleed evil, so dark and foreboding.

     The moment I saw that blighted mirror, it was as though the pain in my head exploded. My vision was caught in it's depths and everything turned a horrible green. I could feel my feet dragging across Merrill's floor, unable to tear my eyes away. I no longer had any real control over my body. Green light was reflecting across the mirror's surface and I knew it was coming from me. I could hear the others calling my name, asking me what was going on, but I couldn't answer them, no matter how I tried.

     Fenris jumped in front of me, placing his hands to my shoulders to hold me still, but I continued forward, his feet actually sliding in the dirt. I could see the fear in his eyes, a reflection of the fear in my own, but I couldn't stop. My arm lifted, reaching out to the mirror, a ball of green light pooling in my palm. I tried to scream for them, _Stop me! Please!_ , but all I could force out was a loan moan.

     Too late. It was as though the mirror was leaching the power from me. I could feel it, pulling, drinking the very essence from my soul. I think I screamed, I know the others screamed for me, but I just couldn't seem to stop. The mirror pulled, drinking from me, and as it did I could feel the evil trapped within...disappate. The last of the cracks in the glass slowly began to repair themselves as the darkness receded within it's depths. _This is why I'm here! To save these people that I love!To fix the things that went wrong._

     As darkness began to replace the green in the edges of my vision, I began to see something in the glass of the Eluvian. Black, shadowy buildings streaked with gold, as with a beautiful marble. But the dark was receding slowly as the power was pulled from my soul, the gold spreading, shining in the light of the Fade. And if I was right about what I was seeing, it was worth the agony.

     Suddenly a clawed gauntlet was draped over my eyes and I could consciously feel the indescribable burning. I was screaming, and apparetnly had been for some time as it sounded hoarse and dry. The gauntlet shifted to my cheek, joined by the other on the other side and Fenris' eyes filled my field of vision. His jade orbs demanded all of my attention, distracting me from the pain.

     "Selena, look at me. Think only of me. There is nothing else," he said softly. "Pull it back, get control. You can do this."

    _Fenris. Fenris, I'm trying. But it hurts. It hurts so much_. The darkness was growing in my field of vision and I knew I was about to blackout. I tried to concentrate, focus on deep green eyes floating before me. As I lost my fight with consciousness I could think only one thing, _I love you, Fenris_.


	28. Chapter 28

    _I am getting so tired of waking up in strange beds._

     Eyes closed, I could feel the difference in the thin mattress beneath me from the one in my room, and smell the undeniable scent of thick vegetation and hot copper that was Merrill. _Okay, I'm in Merrill's bed. It's warm so I've probably been here a while._ I tried to lift my arm, but the blankets had been tucked around me so tightly that I couldn't shift more than an inch or so. _And they're prepping me for burial, I guess._

     Soft, hot, calloused fingers stroked my forehead and I sighed. Underlying Merrill's scent was sunshine, leather and Lyrium and I knew that Fenris was here with me, caring for me. I leaned into the touch, enjoying the carress. Fenris was susceptible to pain when touched and I wasn't going to shy away from this seldom-received pleasure.

     "Selena? _Carrissimi_? Are you awake?" he whispered breathily into my ear, causing me to shudder. It was as though he reached directly into me to stroke my center. I moaned softly and cracked open my eyes.

      _ARGH! My eyes are burning!_ Even the little light cast by a nearby candle seared at my eyes and I shut them tightly again. A soft huff of breath and the smell of sulfur from a blown wick and the room was dark enough that I could open them again. Fenris had lit his brands just the slightest fraction, casting a soft blue glow over the room. It was so soothing that I felt I could sleep again if I wished.

     His eyes were a mix of happiness and concern, lips twitched at the corners in what I knew to be a smile. His arm slipped beneath my head and lifted me enough to place a cup of cool water to my lips. I spilled more than I managed to get down my torn throat and when I tried to tahnk him, no sound emerged. I began to panic but the elf hushed me as he would a child.

     “It's all right, _Carissimi_. The- Merrill has gone to fetch Anders. You...screamed so loud and so long that something...broke. But I am sure that it can be repaired.”

     I recalled the pain, the agony caused by the mirror that I shuddered and Fenris, who had yet to release me from his arms, held me to him. I splayed my hand across his chest, realizing that at some point he had removed his coat, and breathed deeply of the heat of his skin. His markings buzzed, like the faint purring of a cat, a comforting feeling. I tried pulling back, to ask about the pain, but his grip merely tightened as though he were afraid of my leaving. I glanced up and could see that he had closed his eyes, seemingly relishing the closeness. He was smiling. Really smiling, not just a quirk or twitch of the lips, but truly smiling. I sighed and curled in closer.

     Suddenly there was a tremendous clamour at the door, Merrill and Varric returning with a very out of breath Anders and Hawke in tow. Fenris' arms tighten just a little bit more before slowly releasing me and gently helping me back into a prone position on the bed. The elf backed away to give the healer room to work, though I did reach out and snag his fingers in mine. I needed to touch him, a compulsion I couldn't control. He seemed to understand and settled my hand in his.

     “What the hell happened?” Garrett demanded of Fenris as Anders began his delving magics. “Varric made little sense, Merrill less so. Izzy was so fucked up we had to leave her at the Hanged Man. What happened to her?”

     I could feel Fenris tense and brushed a thumb across his knuckles. He glanced down at my eyes and smiled, relaxing, returning the gesture. Turning his attention back to Hawke, he attempted to explain the mirror, the light, the vision of the changing city. Meanwhile Anders' peppermint cool magic was washing over me, centered upon my throat. His fingers grazed down the length of it and I could feel things knitting back together, a not completely pleasant feeling.

     When I flinched he smiled knowingly. “It's all right, love,” he whispered to me, caressing my throat beneath slightly calloused fingers. “I know it's not the best feeling in the world, but it will get better.” I nodded and tried to relax into it.

     “What do you mean she was 'fixing the Golden City'? That's...that's impossible!” Garrett was truly agitated now, pacing back and forth at the side of the bed.

     I turned my head, trying to follow the movement, but Anders just took my face in both of his hands and turned it back. “Stay still please. I'm working.”

     “We saw it, Hawke. Through the mirror. It was black, then began to...change. Become golden.” the elf said softly, rubbing his thumb gently across whatever skin he could touch.

     “Believe him, _lethalan_ ,” Merrill added, coming up behind Garrett and gently touching his arm. “We saw it as well. It was beautiful. Just as I imagined Arlathan must have looked once. Tall spires and lattice and-”

     “You!” Hawke yelled, spinning to face his new quary. “You insisted she come and see your damned mirror! What the Void were you thinking?”

     “Don't take it out on Daisy, Hawke.” Varric interjected. “She couldn't have known what would happen.”

     “That's my point! She doesn't have a fucking clue what she's doing! What if Selena'd been tainted, like what happened to that Tamlen guy she goes on about? What if she had died?”

     I pulled my hand away from Fenris and hit Garrett as hard as I could against the arm, which was really all that hard at all but I think I got my point across. His eyes jumped down to me and I raised a finger up to him and, gathering every bit of will I could, I whispered hoarsely, “No. Bad Hawke. Appologize. Now.”

     He immediately looked contrite, bowing both head and shoulders. “I-I'm sorry. I'm just...upset. I didn't mean it.”

     “It's all right, _lethalan._ I get yelled at all the time. Usually it's for being in the Viscount's garden, but it's very similar. Would you like some tea, Hawke? Anders? Or there's biscuits. Or, I think Isabela left her whiskey if you prefer.”

     Varric, Hawke and Merrill ended up at her little table, finishing off the whiskey, while Fenris stayed near and Anders finished working on my throat. “Now, nothing above a whisper for a day or two. The nerves in your throat are going to be pretty raw for a while. Also, bland soft foods. Nothing spicy, nothing hard. That goes for sex too. Nothing spicy, nothing hard.” he added, grining.

     I smiled, struggling to sit up from the sheets tucked tightly around me. Fenris ,on the other hand, blushed all the way tot he tips of his ears. It was probably one of the most adorable things I had ever seen, my strong, snarky warrior of an elf blushing like a teenage girl. I couldn't help myself but reach out and run a finger along the edge.

     The sudden groan, the dark heat that filled his eyes made me freeze midmotion. I stared into his eyes, caught there, until a hand reached out and lifted my fingers away. “What did I just say? Nothing spicy. Nothing hard.”


	29. Chapter 29

     “Mistress? It's time to wake, Mistress. You are attending court today,” Orana called gently from the doorway before scuttling back into the kitchen where she preferred. I grumbled something about the sun and all chipper birds going straight to hell or something like that, and burrowed deeper into the covers. Only the deep chuckle coming from the bathing chamber made me deign to poke my head out into the world.

     Fenris stood there, clad only in his linen sleep pants, sunlight from the window streaming across chest. And Oh, what a lovely chest it was. It saddened me that with the warming of the weather, he'd be leaving soon, returning to his stolen mansion. I would be left to sleep alone in my bed once again.

     I had come to enjoy being held at night. Need it even, though I'm sure Fenris would be happy to be by himself once more. No clinging female, no angry mage picking fights. Just peace and quiet and wine.

    _Okay, cut that out. You're started to depress yourself here,_ I thought to myself, plastering on a smile for the elf. He just tilted his head with a smirk and that look that said 'don't try to bullshit a bullshitter'.

     “I don't want to go to court today,” I whined, feeling like a petulant child but not really caring.

     The elf just chuckled. “As the injured party you must attend, Selena. That..” and here Fenris seemed to almost seethe with anger,” _vashedan_ bitch...has the right to face her accuser.”

     “All right, all right, “I grumbled, finally extricating myself from the bed and wandering to the armoire. “Do you think I could get away with leathers, or do I need to dress up for the occasion?”

     “Unfortunately, armour is not permitted except by the guard. But a simple skirt and blouse would be sufficient, I believe.” he answered, reaching past me into the wardrobe to find something to his liking.

     He was standing so close, that I couldn't help but take a deep breath, inhaling that sharp scent that screamed Fenris. No matter how recently he had bathed or what he was wearing, Fenris always smelled of leather and sun baked skin, with a hint of tang that was the lyrium of his brands. I leaned closer to him, nose leading into the crook of his neck. At that moment I wanted nothing more than to turn completely and take his mouth in a soul searing kiss. To kick his legs out from under him and beat him to the floor. Fenris growled softly and leaned into me.

     And that's when Orana came in with a breakfast tray.

     Flushing and walking a little stiffly, Fenris dropped the clothing he had pulled out onto the bed and made his way into the bathing chamber, almost slamming the door behind him. I had to giggle just a little. It was nice to see that things were hard for him too- no pun intended.

     “Thank you, Orana,” I said, looking over the clothing Fenris had chosen. Grey wool ankle length skirt with black embroidery, white blouse with similar stitching to the skirt and a simple charcoal grey waist cincher. Not bad, simple yet elegant. The man had an eye for what looked good, I'd give him that. I, dressed quickly, running an appreciative hand over the cincher and the flare of my hips. Damned thing made me look _good._

     Speak of the devil, Fenris emerged, still a bit flushed but fully dressed in breeches, lawn shirt and doublet of a similar grey to my own clothing. There would be no mistaking that he was with me. Today both he and Aveline would be giving depositions on the circumstances of my rescue, as well as Fenris acting as my personal guard, which apparently I'm entitled to in court. Who knew?

     Hawke, Varric and Isabela- after a LOT of cajoling- would be giving depositions tomorrow. It was decided all around that we would be doing our best to keep Anders and Merrill's names out of things if at all possible. Wouldn't do to flaunt mages under a magistrates nose, now would it?

     I was too keyed up to eat, but I grabbed myself some juice and sweetberries, my new Thedas addiction. To distract myself from the coming day and handsome elf not ten feet away, I began to wonder about the little fruit between my fingers. Similar in look to a cranberry, but so much sweeter, I wondered where they hailed from. I popped them in my mouth like bonbons and I suddenly had the appalling thought that maybe they came from someplace really far off, like Seheron or something, and that I was eating tens of sovereigns worth in a sitting. I flipped the round little berry into the air and pulled it into my mouth with my lips, biting down and feeling that rush of sweet juice hit the back of my throat. At that moment, I didn't really care as to the cost. Kind of like other people feel about really good chocolate.

     A finger entered my field of vision and gently lifted my chin so that I would look up at impossibly green eyes. “Come along, _carissimi_. It is time to leave for court.”

                         *************************************

 

    _And here I thought court was going to be boring_ , I stupidly thought to myself, trying to maneuver to the front of the throng of nobles, held at sword point by the Qunari.

     It had begun as a normal, boring day at court, the crowd mostly made up of nobles with nothing better to do with their day, a few elves that I took as messengers between courtrooms, magistrates and guards. But it soon became apparent that this would be anything but an ordinary day at court.

     Petrice was brought in, surrounded by members of the guard, but uncuffed, primped and dressed in full Chantry robes. I knew from Sebastian that the Grand Cleric had stripped her of her vows and standing within the clergy, and that the only person who could allow her wearing the regalia was the magistrate himself.

    _Well, fuck._

     The depositions were a farce. The man on the bench was so far up Petrice's ass his eyes were brown. He actually began to lecture me about the 'dockside heathens'. It was all I could do to keep Fenris from rushing the bench and ripping his heart out.

     And then the Qunari came.

     They shot Petrice and the magistrate first. “To silence the bleating of sheep” as the Arishok would later put it, then herded the rest of us into the Viscount's throne room. We could hear the screams of people outside, and I prayed that Hawke and the others would be all right. I knew in the game he came running to the rescue, but this was so far different than the game that I really didn't know what was about to happen anymore. For now, though, I had to try and distract the Arishok before he killed any of the people here. Including the Viscount, who was half-heartedly arguing with the behemoth.

     “Arishok!” I called. _Wait! Did I just...Fuck!_

     “ _Panahedan_ , Woman of Hawke. Do you come to speak for the bas? If so, it is too late. We will cleanse this cesspool of a city as our final act. You would do well to submit now and save yourself pain at a later time.”

    “I'm sorry, sir, but you know I can't do that,” I answered, taking a step toward the dais. An Ashaad took a step towards me but the Arishok waved him back. “You know me, Arishok. I brought you back your reason for being. Please don't make me fight you.”

     The horned giant scoffed. “You are unarmed and unarmoured. What makes you think you could possibly defeat me?”

     “I didn't say defeat, I said fight. I doubt very much that I could possibly defeat you. You're ten times my size and armed with two massive greatweapons. If I'm lucky, I might be able to find a couple of letter openers to use as tiny daggers but that's about it. But in the end, Arishok, I can't let you kill or indoctrinate all these people if I can do something to stop it.”

     I could feel Fenris fidget somewhere behind me and to the left. He was _soooo_ not happy with me right now, I could just tell. Aveline to my right was in an even worse state, but at least they weren't arguing with me in front of the giant horned menace.

     “So what do you say, Arishok? Ready to take on little old me?”

     All it took was a short nod of his head and the nobles were being shuffled off to the sides of the room, opening a large arena like space. Aveline surreptitiously handed me her belt dagger and someone slid another along the floor toward me. They were horribly balanced but they would have to do. Then, to the cheers of many assembled there, I stripped out of my skirt, standing in only my blouse, cincher and smalls. I wasn't going to end up in heaven and tell St. Peter 'Well, I get all caught up in my skirts and kind of fell on my own knife...'

     “Meerevus!”

     Suddenly no time for contemplation. The Arishok was on me, not giving me more than a second to dive out of the way. Bastard was damned quick for someone that big! But it also took him time to recover from the charge, and while his back was turned I was there, slicing at his hamstrings, his biceps, wrists, whatever I could reach.

     When I wasn't stabbing and slicing, I was running. Couldn't let him corner me, couldn't let him get my back to the wall. That way led death. So I used the pillars that adorned the room to my advantage, ducking behind them at the last second so that he would rush in headlong and get his horns stuck for those precious seconds. Back and forth we did this, until I tripped.

     It was a stupid mistake, my boots slipping on the tile, and the Arishok was able to use it to his advantage to pin me against one of those pillars. Hands filled with weapons, he used his forearm to slam me into the marble and the loud crack of broken ribs filled the air. _Fuck! That really hurt!_

     “Let me kill you quickly, Woman of Hawke,” the Qunari rumbled. “It would be no dishonour to die by one such as me. You would be revered by the KaraSten for having blooded an Arishok.”

     “Selena,” I managed to hiss.

     “What?”

     “My name. It's Selena.” I drew up the last of my will and two small dagger blades flashed across his throat. “I'm sorry Arishok. You should have just gone home.”

     He staggered back, weapons clattering to the ground and hands flying to his ruined throat. The cuts had been deep enough, life blood seeping through his fingers. When his heels hit the stairs leading to the dais, he fell backward, clutching and scrabbling, pain and shock in his eyes.

     “We...will be back..” he whispered hoarsely before the last of the light seeped from his eyes.

     I stood, looking down at his body, and tears began to form. He hadn't been a bad man, just sick and tired of the hypocrisy that his philosophy demanded be fixed. But in the end, the death toll would have been just too high, and I couldn't let that happen to these people I had come to love.

     “Selena?” I turned, blinking as though just coming back to myself. Fenris stood next to me, eyes wide in fear and concern. I tried to smile, though I think it just came out as a grimace.

     “ _Carissimi,_ you can drop the blades now.” he said softly, slowly, as though dealing with a wounded animal.

     I looked down at my hands and saw that I was still clutching the two little blades, dripping with blood in white knuckled fists. “Oh,” I said, trying to peel back my fingers. “I...I don't think I can.”

     Fenris slowly reached out and pried away my fingers, moving to the other hand when the blade dropped to the floor. My now free hand reached out and clutched at his doublet, as though if I wasn't touching something I would fall apart. There would be horrible bloody hand prints on his clothing at the end of the day, but neither of us seemed to care.

     Once the other hand had released it's bloody burden, Fenris pulled me into his arms, burying his face into my neck. His grip caused my ribs to flare with pain but I didn't give a shit. We stood there, taking solace in each other, until a commotion at the doors drew our attention.

     Hawke and the others, followed by the Knight-Commander and First Enchanter Orsino, barged into the space. Thankfully, the Viscount moved to greet them because I really don't think I could have dealt with Meredith's bullshit right then. Our friends ignored the Viscount and moved forward to reach us. I slipped from Fenris' arms to hug Garrett and Anders.

     “Are you hurt, love?” Anders asked, pulling me back and searching me with his eyes, while Fenris and Garrett moved away to speak quietly

     “Ribs. I think the Arishok broke a couple.” I replied breathily, not really realizing just how much the damned things hurt until just now.

     “Okay, those are going to really hurt when I set them, so we'll wait til we get back to the estate.” he replied, smiling gently and cupping my cheek. “Til then, try and stand straight and not breathe too deeply, okay?”

     “Gotcha, doc. When can we leave?”

     There was a sudden cheer rising up among the nobles and I peered around Anders' shoulder to look. The Viscount was pointing at our group- at me- and Meredith was looking particularly prickly. _Oh shit! He didn't!_

    “It appears Kirkwall has a new Champion.”

    _Oh Fuck!_


	30. Chapter 30

     I had never wanted a machete of sub-machine gun more in my life. If I thought I could swing it, I would have gladly used Fenris' sword. Here I was, half-dressed, covered in blood and who knows what else, trying to make my way down a relatively small set of stairs and across a small courtyard to the house, only to be stopped every other step by a mob of people. Finally, Garrett had to pull out his shield and use it to gently 'prod' people out of the way.

     Inside the house wasn't all that much better. Leandra was a mob all on her own, fussing and crying and demanding answers. Hawke pulled her aside to speak with her quietly while Anders lead me into the study and settled me on the sofa. He began to untie the waist cincher until Fenris growled deep from the doorway.

     “It's all right, Fenris. It has to come off so Anders can heal the ribs. Would you be willing to come over here and hold my hand while he does?”

     He looked slightly surprised at being asked, but nodded and joined me on the sofa, taking my hand gently in his. Anders quickly removed the wide leather belt and the sudden shift from my ribs had me gasping for air. _Fuck that hurt!_

     “Okay, sweetheart, now I need you to stay as straight and still as possible. I need to realign the bones. You remember how that feels right?”

     I nodded and steeled myself. One hand on my back, one on my ribs, Anders began to push and shift the broken pieces together. I hissed from the pain, clutching tightly at Fenris' hand. He lifted his other hand to cradle my fingers in his own. I glanced over and saw those beautiful puppy dog eyes, making me smile. And when that cool peppermint healing finally eased the pain, I sighed in relief and sagged against the elf's shoulder.

     “Now I suggest you go upstairs and change while I see if I can rescue Garrett from his mother. And take it easy! No more fighting Arishoks for the rest of the week!” Anders said, laughing.

     I smiled and nodded, standing slowly. Fenris, not relinquishing my hand, stood with me.

     “You can let go now, if you wish, Fenris,” I said gently.

     He looked down at our clasped hands, as though embarrassed to meet my eye. “I...do not wish.”

  _Well_ , I thought to myself, _nice to see you assert yourself there handsome._ I smiled and lead us both up the stairs into my rooms and straight into the bathing chamber. I was bound and determined that I was going to have a bath and there was nothing anyone could say that would change my mind.

     “Fenris, love, I'm going to need my hand back.”

     He dropped it as though it were on fire and flushed straight to the tips of his ears. “I apologize,” he said, turning away to leave the room.

     I reached out to touch his wrist, careful not to touch flesh, just the soft linen of his shirt. “Could you...stay nearby? I don't think I really want to be alone right now.”

     He lifted his head to look at me, eyes still and unreadable. Finally he nodded and left the room, leaving the door open. Taking a deep breath- which felt absolutely amazing!- I turned and began to prepare the bath.

     The hot water was so soothing I must have drifted off to sleep at some point, waking to feel a cloth being run along my arm. I opened my eyes to see Fenris languidly washing me, shirt off, showing all the swirls and dots of his tattoos.

     He was beautiful.

     I was almost afraid to breathe lest I break the tableau, but he merely smiled when he saw that I was watching. “You fell asleep in the bath and did not finish washing. I chose to help you.”

     “Thank you, Fenris,” I replied softly. “But I think I'd like to get out now, if that's all right?”

     He nodded and took away the cloth, draping in on the edge of the tub before standing to fetch a large, thick drying cloth. I stood as he held it out, wrapping it around my breasts to drape almost to my knees. Tucking the towel edges to gether to keep it from falling, his fingers trailed up, across my collarbone, eyes dark with heat and longing.

     “Fenris?”

     He continued to rub his fingers across the ridge of bone, barely more than a whisper across the skin. “I thought...I believed I lost you today. It is...not a good feeling. I find that, now, I need...I need to touch you. To truly prove that you are here.”

     I reached out to brush a lock of hair from his eyes, to find that there were tears glimmering there. “I'm here, Fenris. I'm fine. Nothing can take me away from you. You're a part of my soul and I'm not about to give that up.”

     Slowly, as though afraid to break the moment, he leaned in and kissed me. A soft press of the lips that deepened until his hands slithered into my hair and his tongue had delved into my mouth to find my own. I gripped his waist, almost more to hold myself upright than to actually feel skin. Soft, hot skin that it was.

     “I wish to love you, _carissimi_. I wish to feel your skin beneath me, to taste and be tasted in return. I wish to watch yo as you ride me, proud and beautiful. May I?”

     I moaned and leaned into him, reaching out with questing fingers to touch his chest, to trace the lines of his tattoos over his sternum. “Yes! God, yes, Fenris! Please!”

     He chuckled, leading me back into the bedroom until the backs of his knees hit the bed, then with a quick twist, I was suddenly on my back with him grinning mischievously above me. I laughed, happy just to see that little grin. I laughed even harder when he removed the towel around my body and trailed a finger down that sensitive spot on my ribs.

     “Well,” he said with a smirk, “how is it that I did not know you were ticklish, Selena? Have I not worshipped your body properly? Let's see where else you may be a bit sensitive, shall we?”

     Before I could protest, his fingers were searching, delving for new ways to make me squirm and giggle. It felt wonderful, like when I had been a girl and my father would have me laughing so hard I would almost pee myself. But then Fenris would follow his fingers with his lips, proving that he was most definitely not my dad.

     I was breathless and smiling widely when he lit his brands and began to trail his fingers over my skin once again. Warm buzzing digits, like little tiny vibrators touching me everywhere. And when the pads of his fingers actually drifted just below the skin, it was like that buzzing reached out and stroked every pleasure centre in my body. I came, hard, after only a few seconds, causing Fenris to give what I can only call a happy growl.

     I tugged at his breeches, anxious to feel more of him. I ended up having to flip him over onto his back and peeling them off with his smalls myself, as every time he tried to reach for them, his hands just slid through. If I weren't so impatient, it would have been funny.

     With his pulsing length before me, I couldn't help but reach out and lick from the base to tip, sucking at the liquid pooled in the slit. Luckily he managed to get his brands under control, or trying to suck him might have ended very differently.

     He tasted of cinnamon, sweet yet spicy at the same time, and my mind flashed back to Anders admonishment of not long ago. _Spicy and hard now, hey Anders?_ I hummed in appreciation of the taste, causing Fenris to tense and buck up into my mouth, more precum leaking along my tongue. _Very nice._

     Knowing that he probably wouldn't last too much longer, I released his cock with a lewd little pop and began to climb back up his torso. He watched, hands tightly gripping the sheets beneath him until I was within reach, at which point he took a hold of my hips and proceeded to guide me onto him.

     We were each so close, it only took a few frantic thrusts before we were screaming each others' names. White light flashed before my eyes and for a moment I thought that Fenris had relit his tattoos. The orgasm was one of the most intense I had ever had, and appeared to be for him as well. I collapsed onto his chest, his member softening inside me, but I just didn't have the wherewithal to go get cleaned up. Fenris wrapped his arms around me, holding me close until I fell asleep.

                    ***********************************************

 

     When I woke, I was alone, the only proof that he'd been there a badly written note and his spend drying on my thighs. 'Gonn Hom' it said. I looked around the room, seeing that his armour and weapon racks were gone, the bits and pieces of things that were his that had been spread around the room disappeared. _God damn that fucking elf!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I never meant to end this piece on a down note, Damned elf chose for me. But don't worry! There will be another story after this one, after all Act 3 hasn't been completed yet!

**Author's Note:**

> I have other works/ inspiration pics up on my tumblr under the name selenahawke.
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/selenehawke


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